Happiness Part II

Yesterday I wrote about the importance of taking control of your life outside work to see if this brings happiness to life inside work. I know for many, these are two different, yet overlapping, sections of life. If you have found a position that envelops both aspects of life, great!

If you have taken control of your life outside work and you still aren't happy or fulfilled with the life of work, then continue looking for something new. There might be more going on at work than you have the power to overcome. We no longer live in a society where you get a job and then work for the same company for the rest of your life. Some people still do this, but the vast majority of us will hop around and continue searching for a better fit. Some of us are constantly looking for something different.

The goal isn't to bounce around from job to job hoping something will stick, but to actively search for a position where you will feel challenged and fulfilled. We have a finite period of time on this planet and working in a place where you are unhappy or unfulfilled is no way to spend you time. I know a lot of us have bills to pay and families to take care of, so I am not saying to just walk in a quit your job without having an exit plan. Sometimes we must, but in most cases, you can easily continue to go to work while actively searching for (or building on the side) something different.

Happiness is one of the most important aspects of life. We all know people (and maybe are the person) who walk around with a cloud over their head constantly unhappy and not doing anything to change it. We can blame society, other people, the gods or anything else we want to blame. The truth is we are all in control of our own happiness. We just have to put in a little extra work to find what makes us excited to get out of bed each morning. If you don't know what makes you happy, then keep searching and writing and thinking. It will come to you. Then, all you have to do is work your ass off to grab it.

Happiness

For much of my life, I thought a new job or a new direction was what it was going to take to make me happy. For most of my adult life, I bounced around from job to job, did some time in law school and then bounced to some more jobs after I dropped out. I spent five years in one position, had many ups and downs and then bounced to three different jobs in the past year.

I'm a chronic job hopper and the one thing I have realized is once the elation of a new job wears off, I end up wondering if there is something else out there to make me happier. I constantly look for the diamond in the rough, the one job where I will be consistently challenged and motivated. Maybe there really is the perfect job out there for each of us. Maybe there isn't.

More importantly, I think we need to take control of our own happiness. What we do outside of the job is as important, maybe more important, than what we do during working hours. If we aren't living the life we want to love, we can't blame it on the job alone. We control our destiny and can choose to be unhappy, unsatisfied or unfulfilled. Once we fully take control of our life outside of the job, maybe the job will start to become that diamond in the rough. What do we have to lose by trying?

The Art of Non-Conformity

If you have yet to pick up the book, The Art of Non-Conformity: Set Your Own Rules, Live the Life You Want, and Change the World by Chris Guillebeau, do yourself a favor and pick it up today. I finished it last night and while his ideas make sense and don't seem radical at first, you will soon realize his approach is different and not followed by many people.

For most of us, society (meaning family, friends, school, politicians, businesses, etc) have beat in to our heads that we have to fit in, we have to be good little workers, we have to follow the rules and we have to support the status quo. Do the busy work, put in the time and you will get ahead. We constantly worry about what other people think and listen to them when they say our ideas are crazy or impractical or impossible.

It is possible to live the life you want to live. It's also possible to do this and help others at the same time. If more people would focus on doing what mattered to them and worked on great work instead of busy work, we could make this world a better place. Seriously, pick up this book and take a look. What's the worst thing that could happen? You'd be out $7 and think I'm nuts. Or, you might like what you read and start thinking about your life in a different way. It's your choice...do with it what you will.

Honesty

Since when did honesty become so overrated?

I have never understood telling a person one thing and then saying something different when they are not around. I have never understood lying about intentions or thoughts to try to turn two people against each other. I have never understood how using deception as means of control works to keep people in charge.

In my view, a leader needs to be honest about intentions, thoughts and beliefs. The quickest way to lose followers is to tell them one thing and do another. It's not possible to build a strong following based upon deception and lies. This may seem like it is working for a while, but sooner or later, it will all come crashing down. Once the lying becomes public, the leader becomes nothing more than a bad joke in the minds of the followers and they lose all credibility they may have once had.

Take responsibility for your actions. Be honest and live your life by example. Followers need to believe their leaders practice what they preach. If the leader doesn't do this, the followers will quickly find someone new to follow. We may not see a lot of honesty in the "leaders" of today, but you'd be surprised at how many people are yearning to find an honest leader. Be it in companies, politics or anything else, we are going to get further and do more good in this world if the people leading the charge are honest.

The little adage we have heard for years is correct, honesty really is the best policy. Isn't it about time we started acting like it?      

Life

Our life is what we make of it. For the vast majority of people, no one is going to wave a magic wand over our head and give us everything we want. We have to work hard for it.

Stop letting those around you dictate how you are going to feel or what you are going to do. This is your life, take control and choose to do what makes you happy and fulfilled. You may not be able to just wake up one day and do everything you want, but you can wake up and start down the path towards doing what makes you happy. We all have some free time (or can manufacture some) within our lives. Start doing what you love during these times and you may be surprised what else you can do.

If life isn't quite what you want or what you expected, there is no reason to blame other people or outside influences. Make the choice to change what you are doing. You control your life. If you are unhappy with your life, but choose to do nothing about it, you are the only one to blame. Don't let fear stop you. Don't let doubt stop you. Don't let other's opinions stop you. It's time to start living your life.

Just Do It

We all have the ability to be great. We just have to move past the fear and the doubt and do what needs to be done. We have to be great leaders if we want to have people follow. We have to take chances and risk failure because without it, we will never challenge ourselves to be great. Without the challenge, we will never produce amazing art.

It's time to quit talking and start doing.

RIP

I never met Steve Jobs. I never had the opportunity to speak with him, but he made a huge impact on my life and I am sure he did the same for you. He taught me to never give up. We have to find what makes us feel alive, what we are drawn to do. No matter what happens, roll with the punches and continue to press forward. If you don't let things get you down, nothing will be able to break your spirit and you will produce greatness.

The world lost a visionary, but not the vision.

Dreaming of Autumn

Autumn is my favorite time of year. The leaves are changing colors, the air is getting a little more brisk, the days are getting shorter and the smells, the smells of life are becoming more spiced. I don’t know why I have always loved this time of the year, but October has been my favorite month for as long as I can remember.

To some, autumn symbolizes the end. The leaves are changing into brilliant colors before dying and falling to the ground. Summer has ended and with it comes the knowledge it will soon be cold, there will be snow and ice and little time to enjoy the outdoors, unless you are one of the few who relish the cold. 

To others, autumn is a new beginning. Yes, all the above is true, but this is the season when everything starts to slow down before the cold which leads to rebirth. New things are in the works, even if it is impossible to see this beginning just yet. Summer is done, but the wheels have started in the work to produce the next summer. Autumn is the beautiful time, both in sight and smell, before we start spending more and more time inside yearning for the first green buds to appear signaling the beginning of spring.

For me, autumn is a time to slow down, to breathe deep and to take in all around me. It is a time to regroup, to think about who I am, what I am doing and what I should do next. Autumn is a time for reflection, for introspection, for meditation and for decision making. I don’t have to make major decisions, but it is a time where I have always been able to take stock and see if my life is on the track I would like. It is the time for philosophy and storytelling and dreaming. Is there really any time of year better for these?

I love admiring the plethora of colors exploding all around. The multiple hues of orange and red and brown and yellow. It’s as if nature decided to burst with one last fury of beauty before settling down for a long nap. It brings hope...if nature can routinely produce such beauty, why aren’t we? Autumn brings out the best in many people. A time to slow down and produce great works of their art to share with the world. A time to begin something we would only be able to finish in the short dark days of winter...biding time until spring pushes away the cold and the days begin to lengthen, the light giving us more reasons to spend out of doors.

This quarter of the year allows me to realize that overall, I am a happy person, even if I don’t always admit it. Yes, my job doesn’t give me the fulfillment I would like. Yes, I don’t travel as much as I would like. Yes, I may not produce the art I wish I produced (or even think I can produce). But, I know I have control over all the above and I also know I can work to fix them. Being able to slow down and view the world through the lenses of autumn shows me there are other ways. They may take a lot of hard work, but they are there if I am only courageous enough to grasp them.

I am who I make myself. I can do anything I want to do and I am not stuck based on my previous choices. We always have choices...I am capable of choosing happiness and peace. I am also capable of choosing to be unhappy and stressed and frustrated with the life I have. I wasn’t dealt this life, I drew it to me. I am who I have become based on the choices I have made. To become something or someone other, I only have to make new choices. 

Everything I want is never going to fall in to my lap. I have to work to become the person I want to become. There are going to be times I fall short of my goals, but this is only because I set them so high. Falling short is not the end of the world, it just means I need to figure out new ways to try to reach them. We all have the incredible capability of producing greatness, we just have to work hard to get there. If we fail at first, we learn from our missteps and start again. We don’t dwell, we don’t say “oh woe is me”, we don’t blame others and we don’t blame the world. We have to pick ourselves up, dust off, and start again with the knowledge we gained from the failure.

For me, autumn is the time when I can reflect on the failures and see what I have learned. If the reflection becomes demoralizing at any time, I can just step outside, take a deep breathe and look around. We are surrounded by what appears to be the end, but we all know it is not. The trees will drop their leaves, the plants in the garden will die, time will begin to slow down, but we all know what happens come spring. The leaves will come back, the plants will grow again, the flowers will bloom and everything begins to speed up. There is no end. Everything is just the beginning of something new. Something beautiful. Something worthwhile. It’s the calm before the storm and our opportunity to pick the direction we want our lives to travel. It’s a beautiful time to be alive.  

Destiny

Sooner or later, we all have to take control of our destiny. We have to figure out where we need to go and start heading in that direction.

For most of us, many people in our lives will not understand the direction we choose. There will be negativity, but the true friends-the people who really love us for who we are-they will support our decisions, even if they don't understand or agree.

We choose the life we live...isn't it time to tune out the negativity and choose what makes us happy and fulfilled?

We Are All Weird

Recently, I read We Are All Weird by Seth Godin. While this book focused a lot about marketing, I started to think a lot about people and how this really applies to them. Leila hates the term weird; she hates being called weird; she will never really embrace the word. I love the word. I revel in the fact that I am weird and I am not afraid to wear it as a badge. To me, weird is good. Normal is boring.

What would happen if people really started to embrace their weirdness. Would we have as much bullying in the world? I am sure there are always going to be the people who enjoy pushing around other people. I don’t see this ending any time soon. Could there be, should there be, more people standing up for each other? If more people were comfortable with their weirdness, would these people be more willing to stand up, to get involved when they see someone bullying?

I think about recent cases of young people committing suicide after being bullied-Jamey Rodemeyer, Phoebe Prince and Tyler Clementi. In some cases, the bullies don’t even stop after the suicide; they continue to be bullies towards the family and friends of the deceased. What goes through these people’s minds? Why do they feel they have the right and the duty to bully someone who is different and comfortable enough with their difference to announce to the world they are, in fact, different?

The thing is, we are all different. No two of us have the exact same beliefs, the exact same experiences, the exact same outlook on life...this is what makes our collaborations so impressive and important. We are all different...some of us choose to accept and embrace these differences, some of us choose to flaunt these differences by trying to be as different as possible and some of us choose to hide these differences, burying them away and trying to dress and act “normal”. 

Since we are all different, doesn’t it only make sense to be a little more accepting of other people’s differences? Everyone doesn’t have to get along, but we also don’t have to hate other people because they may have a different sexual orientation, skin color, religion, belief system, political party, favorite sports team or anything of the like. Are any of the above reasons to hate people or make their lives hell by bullying them?

If more people were comfortable being weird, would they be more likely to speak out if they see bullying? Would they be more comfortable standing up for those being bullied? The It Gets Better Project  is a great way to let people know that life isn’t always as hard, but the fact that we even have to do this project is sad. With young adults continuing to commit suicide from being bullied, shouldn’t we also be doing something to actively stop the bullying? Once one person takes their own life, kids will be kids is no longer a mantra we can stick to. 

Bullying has to stop. How do we go about doing this? Some people would like to see the parents held responsible in these cases. I agree that bullying may often start in the home and it is the parent’s responsibility to help raise their children to be civil, respectful teenagers and adults. Sometimes, I think it is more than some parents can do on their own. Since our education system needs some tweaking anyway, we need to find a way to make embracing and becoming comfortable with others differences a part of the curriculum.

There are always going to be parents who don’t want their children exposed to anyone “different” as is evidenced with the number of books banned by public school districts in this country. There are parents who don’t want their kids embracing others differences any more than they do. This shouldn’t stop us from doing what is right. Learning about people who may be “different” is one of the first steps towards being accepted. Would so many Americans be afraid of Muslims if they knew a little more about the Islamic faith? Start in the schools by teaching children about other cultures and lifestyles.

We must have teachers who are accepting of others. There are many schools where the teachers not only turn a blind eye to bullying, but support it, either quietly or publicly. This has to stop. If children aren’t learning to be accepting in the home and they aren’t learning to be accepting in their schools, do we really think they are going to become adults who accept others? We are failing our children by holding on to any prejudices, by corrupting their minds as they grow and by letting them feel it is okay to bully someone for being different. Our children should be growing up to become better adults than us.

We owe it to the memories of Jamey, Phoebe, Tyler and every other young adult who has committed suicide because of bullying to make this world a better place for everyone. We Are All Weird. We are all different in our own little (or big) ways. We all have the capacity to think for ourselves and do the things we want to do and believe the things we want to believe. We have to embrace these difference, be proud of our differences. We have to show the youth of today that being different is a great thing. We have to show the youth of today that humans are able to do creative, mind blowing, amazing things by being different. We see things in different ways and this drives progress and change. Since we want people to respect our differences, we must learn to respect the differences of others. This is the only way we will be able to make the world a better place.

Let's Start a Learning Revolution

Let's Start a Learning Revolution from Skillshare on Vimeo.

I am very, very impressed and inspired by this video.

Doing

I guess the first question that needs to be answered is “what the hell do I want to do with the rest of my life.” Actually, first, I need to decide what makes me feel alive. I have to figure out what makes me happy and then figure out a way to make what I do mirror this. I like helping animals and people, but I am tired of the way working for the non-profits I have worked for drains the soul. Would burnout happen if this is what really set my soul on fire?

The question really becomes-Is the burnout caused by the environment I am in, caused by the reactions I have and how I do the work or a mixture of the two? For the last eight years of my life, I have worked in some fairly toxic environments (some became toxic and some where always that way). I know, that in part, I have not done enough to stop this and have actually helped to contribute. I am working on myself-trying new things to help make me a happier person, reading as much about professional development (and personal development) as possible and seeing if there is a way to make myself a better person, employee and leader.

I truly believe I have more in me than I have ever let out. I have thoughts and ideas and concepts and abilities that have not been utilized in the best ways, if at all. The hard part is figuring out what these strengths are, building them to be even stronger and then unleashing them to get the things done that need to get done. We all have the ability to make change, we just have to move past the fear, inaction and demotivation to actually do.

Doing is what makes people great. It’s not the ideas...it’s not the money...it’s the doing. Great people get things done. It doesn’t matter if you have the greatest ideas in the world-ways to do things better; inventions to make the world a better place-if you don’t do anything about them and give them to the world, they are worthless. The doing is what makes things great and what makes people great. 

Getting things done requires starting. Getting things done requires not listening to the fear. Getting things done requires follow-through. Getting things done requires standing up for your ideas. Getting things done requires challenging the status-quo. Getting things done requires commitment. Getting things done is what separates the good from the great.

For me, starting seems to be the hardest part. I have to get beyond thinking I have to have a good idea to start. I need to just start doing things until the good idea comes along. I need to open myself up to more experiences. I need to talk to more people. I need to stop thinking and over analyzing everything and just do. I need to sit down each day and write. It doesn’t matter what I am writing about as long as I am writing. I need to experience life and art and friends and nature and laugh and learn and hope. I need to have fun. I can no longer allow fear or laziness or lame excuses to stop me from experiencing all that life has to offer.

As I continue to do (or really begin to do), I am certain the good ideas will come. The more I am open to new experiences and living instead of worrying about what I am supposed to be doing, the more and more I will see things I can do, enjoy and work on. The idea that life is a journey is a good adage. The thing I have to keep in mind is that it isn’t the destination that matters-it’s what I did along the way that makes the destination all the more sweeter. 

Had to Share

Time to Rock the Boat

An environment where few strive to be amazing, but are swallowed by everyone else who is happy with the status quo. No one asks the important questions. No trust. No honesty. Goals are set, but then undercut. Statistics are massaged. People are fake, false and afraid of change.  Dealing with the customers becomes an exercise of anger or frustration or an exhausting experience answering the same questions. People are afraid to make decisions; are afraid to step up to the ledge; are afraid to be wrong. No one is happy; no one takes pleasure in the work; no one takes chances. Motivation wains. Stagnant. Fear. Disappointment.

Is this any way to work? Is this any way to go through life? Is this any way to make a difference? There is a better way to do things, to go through life, to make a difference. Someone has to ask the important questions, rock the boat, get people out of their comfort zones. We all have the ability. We just need to find the confidence and stop caring what the status quo thinks. Keeping your head down is no way to go through life and it is certainly no way to make the world a better place. You might not be the most liked-hell, it could get you fired-but at least you tried. Make waves, the bigger the better.

Igniting the Passion

A little over seven years ago, I dropped out of law school (after a little over a semester) and moved to follow my ex as she took what was the job of her dreams. Ever since then, I have been searching for a job (or career) that would set my soul on fire. I decided I wanted to work to improve the lives of animals and have since worked in large, medium and small organizations for animals on an international, national and local level. In those seven years, I have moved around the Midwest and East, the marriage ended (which I now know was a really good thing), have added some more animals to my family, have lost a couple of these animals, have grown a lot, have battled some personal demons and have found an amazingly loving and interesting woman who, for some reason, is happy sharing her life with me.

I am not the same person who made the decision to leave law school. I have learned a lot since that time about who I am, what I stand for and developed a lot of the values I hold dear. I have also become a bit more jaded and cynical, having seen things I would never wish upon anyone...having seen the way our society and individuals can treat animals with disdain, lack of care or abuse. I have helped animals in these situations escape them and I have helped some people see there are other ways and have shown them how to integrate these animals into their family; how to care for them in ways to make both of their lives better. I've embraced new ideas as they have come along and believe I have evolved with the times.

I haven't found the job or career for which I have casted about. I have also realized this is probably more because of who I am rather than the jobs I have worked. I constantly look for something new and different, thinking this magical "it" will make me happy. I want to do more and more, but I am fearful of actually doing it. This fear is two-sided...one one side, I am afraid of failing at something I want to do. On the other side, I am afraid of not failing but finding that something I can do is not what I want to do. I want to be more big picture, but I focus more on the day to day and menial tasks instead of thinking big picture. I want to be a leader, but choose instead to sit back and be a doer. I want the freedom to develop my own plans and prioritize my programs and duties, but then have to force the motivation to get the things done when there isn't a lot of busy work to do.

I want to let go of this fear and step forward and say I can help lead; I am valuable as more than a worker; I have big thoughts and ideas. I am working on doing this more every day, but I need to figure out how to eliminate the fear making this difficult. I need to figure out what it is about me that makes this so damn challenging. I look at all the people I have worked for and with over the last seven years and see great leaders, average leaders and terrible leaders. I have had the privilege of working for people who are amazing people, but terrible leaders and amazing people who are also great leaders. I have learned different things from each. I have managed large groups of people and pushed them to excel. I have had people push me to excel. But, when it comes down to self-motivation, I sometimes have a problem with pushing myself to excel. Maybe I want too much? Maybe the perfectionism that has been around since I was five is weighing too heavily? Maybe I am supposed to be a great doer and not a leader? Maybe I just haven't found or developed the position that will allow me to be everything I think I can? Maybe I should be doing something else entirely?

I do know I will never stop looking. I do know I have to overcome this fear at some point and step out to the edge and decide to leap. I have overcome some fear in my personal life and taken some really hard looks in the mirror and changed some things about me that needed to be changed. I have overcome some of the things that have held me back and not allowed me to develop as a person. I have learned when I put my mind to something, really put my mind to it, then I can follow through and make the changes needed. I just have to keep working at it. With some work, maybe I will become the leader I think I can be. Or, maybe I will realize the passion lies elsewhere, doing different things. Maybe I don't have to change the world, but only my part of it. Maybe with a bit of work, I will realize the passion is here, I just needed to find it. Maybe within our lives, it is more about the journey and not the destination. Maybe the real goal is to never stop looking.