What If?

What if? I constantly catch myself thinking these two words. What if I had finished law school? What if I had a different job? What if I had more money? What if I lived somewhere else? What if I had done things differently in college? What if I had stuck with a past job? What if I hadn't bought this house? What if I had been offered the job in St. Thomas? What if I did more? What if, what if, what if? All of our "what if" questions fall in to two categories, things we can change and those we can not.

If you are thinking about the past and wondering what if, stop. You can't change the past and there is no reason to think about it. The decisions you made have led you to this point in life. As with everyone, there is good and there is bad. You will never know what would have happened if you took another path, so thinking about it is of little use. Yes, things might be better or they might be worse. You could have more money, but you would have missed out on meeting the people and doing the things you did on this path.

You may think life would have been better, but you just don't know. Any other path is no longer there. Yes, you can go back and do things you didn't do, but this would only start a new path, not pick up from where you left off. You may argue these are only daydreams and they don't matter, but many look back on these decisions with regret. The thoughts bring us down and keep us from focusing on the things we can still change. Think about all the good things that have happened since then and remember these wouldn't have happened in the same way on a different path.

The questions about things we can change are different. These can be good and they can lead us towards new dreams and goals. What if you had a different job? Would you be happier? Would you feel more fulfilled? What would you want to do? These questions can help lead us to make life-changing decisions and the answers can drastically change our path in life. These are the questions we should be asking ourselves every day. These are the important questions.

Too many of us spend all of our time thinking about what would have happened in the past and ignore the questions about the present. We think our life would have been better if (insert whatever your if is) and blame what we have now on that if. Instead of thinking about the better job if law school had been finished, focus on finding the job you want. If that means going back and finishing that degree, then do it. If that means taking a chance on something else, then do it. Too much of our time is spent thinking about what we have no control over instead of taking control and doing what needs to be done. We wish we had something different, but instead of actually doing something about it, we blame the decisions in the past. We take the easy way out, throw up our hands and say we have no control over it.

Stop doing this. If you wonder, wonder about something you have control over. Try something new. Find a new job. Sell the house and move to another state. Travel. Take a chance. Do what moves you. Find what you want and grab hold. Stop letting decisions you made in the past haunt you today. When you catch yourself thinking "what if", make damn sure you are wondering about something you can change. If you want to, change it. We have a finite amount of time to do everything we want to do, don't let anything stand in your way.

What To Do With 2012

Well, 2012 is upon us and if you haven't already, it is time to figure out what to do with this year. We can continue along the same way we have lived 2011 (and probably 2010 and 2009), or we can try something new. Even if 2011 was a banner year for you, is there something more, something different, something interesting you can do in 2012?

For me, and I believe for many, there is a list of things waiting to be done. I have physical lists and mental lists of things I have always wanted to do but have not. I want 2012 to be the year I stop procrastinating and start checking things off the list. I know this sounds easy, but there is a reason I haven't checked them off the list yet.

It is often easier to continue doing the same things day in and day out and never push forward to complete things you really want to complete. We have structured our lives in a way that makes accomplishing them very difficult. We have a groove we follow and it is usually easier to keep following this groove than to pop out and change our routine.

I hear a lot of my friends talk about how they don't have the time or the money to do things they want to do. They make resolutions each year to do them and by the end of January, these resolutions have fallen away as they continue in their previous groove. Once you are in your groove, physics works to keep you there. For many of us, the forces acting upon us are the same forces acting upon nature. Just like it was easier for the Colorado river to stay in its groove for years and years, our groove keeps us where we are.

Starting a new routine can be difficult, but once started it becomes easier and easier to follow. Do you want to continue in your current groove or would you like to start a new groove, a new routine to help you accomplish things you haven't been able to accomplish just yet? In 2012, I plan on checking off some of the items on my to-do list. It's going to take work, but if these items have been sitting there for years and haven't disappeared, I think the work will be well worth it.

Where O Where Have The Days Gone

I sit here on a Sunday evening in mid-November, 2011, and wonder where the days have gone. It feels like only yesterday I was graduating college and the world was full of possibilities. I look back at how much I let fear keep me from chasing my dreams. I just floated through life, working many jobs that did not require a college degree to pay the massive and asinine debt I amassed while in college (and shortly after college). I drank too much, cared what others thought too much and convinced myself the dreams others had for my life were also my dreams.

I have often convinced myself the dreams of others were the dreams I held. It's one of the reasons I bought a house, even though I enjoy moving around a lot. It's one of the reasons I quit writing and continued to work a variety of low wage, entry level jobs which required absolutely no passion. It's one of the reasons I chose not to use the networking I had done to interview with companies I would have enjoyed working for. It's one of the reasons I continued drinking long after I knew I should stop. I was in control of all of these decisions and I know it. I also know fear held me back from chasing my own dreams and following my own path.

Since opening my eyes and seeing what I was doing, the great things is I have control over my future. I get to decide what comes next in my life. If I want to make changes, then I get to make changes. If I don't make the change, then I have no one to blame but myself. It's different when I can see it clearly. Before, I could blame it on things not working out, the world being against me or it just not happening the way I wanted. This knowledge is invigorating and terrifying at the same time. While I can't snap my fingers and make things exactly how I want, I can put in the hard work and the time to get there.

I get to choose my path in life. While this may seem like a hugely daunting task, there will be numerous other paths to follow as well. I can change my mind and choose one of the others. This is the gift most people don't realize...we don't have to live the rest of our lives with the paths we have already chosen or the ones we choose now. Follow your dreams and if your dreams change, follow the new ones. Live the life you want to live...the only person stopping you is you.

Make the Choice

Most of us, from time to time, will pause and look at our life. We will examine what we do, who we are and dream of the future to come. We may wish things were different. We may be content with where we are. We look at the past and view events with a different lens than when we experienced them. We view the decisions we made with the gift of knowing where our life is and wonder what would be different if we had only made different choices. We will regret some things and we will celebrate others.

Dwelling on the decisions of the past does nothing to change the future. We control who we will become and the imprint we will leave on the people around us. We can't control the past, but we can alter the future by focusing on the moment. It sounds a bit philosophical, but wondering about the past and the choices made will do nothing other than make us forget about the moments we have now. Yes, we can think and we can celebrate the good, but there are choices now demanding out attention.

None truly know what the future holds, but the choices made now, the choices of today, shape tomorrow. Choose to do what makes you happy. Choose now to develop the skills you want for tomorrow. Shape your own dreams and chase what is going to make you feel alive. While we do all of these things, we can never forget to enjoy the moments we have today. These moments, today's choices, are already shaping tomorrow. Dream and plan and learn and build, but also live.

Forget about regret. Forget about what was. Forget about what could have been. We all have the wish of having done things differently, but none of us can change the past. We can start doing things differently now and guiding our life in the direction we want. We can become who we want to become, though the only way is to experience the life around us. To build the future we yearn for, we have to embrace life today. We don't want to look back and regret these moments. Make the choice to have experiences you will celebrate tomorrow.