Rejection

Nothing hurts more than rejection. Being told you are not good enough to do whatever it is you want to do sucks. There isn't any way around this. The rejection could end up being a good thing or it could lead you down the path you really should head down or everything could turn out alright, but when the rejection happens, you are going to be angry and sad and frustrated (and probably any other "negative" emotion you can think of). If you are anything like me, your logical mind will try to convince you the rejection is an opportunity, but your emotional mind will want to yell and scream and curse and throw things.

How you react is important. It's okay to get angry and frustrated and sad, but don't let your emotions completely blanket your logical mind. As with any other event, we can't allow our emotions to smother our logic...we need them both and it is often a very difficult balancing act to contain them. I know how hard it can be to think logically when you are feeling frustrated, angry or sad, but you have to try. Rejection has to be seen as another challenge...another path...a change in the fabric of your reality. So, be angry, be sad, be frustrated, but get over it quickly. You can't let the rejections of life control you.

Rejection says as much (if not more) about the rejector than it says about you. Often times, you will be rejected out of fear. As humans, we have been programmed to not take risks, to not stand out, to not do anything that may not work. While this may keep people from making as many mistakes, it will also keep them from having great success. Don't allow other people's fear control who and what you do. Other people do things they think are right, in the same way you do things you think are right. The difficulty comes in realizing there isn't one right. The reasoning behind what you do is just as important as what you are doing.

There are going to be times when you are told you are not good enough. You are going to be rejected. You are going to get angry. You are going to be sad. You are going to be frustrated. You may scream. You may break some things. You may cry. It's okay. A big part of you is going to want to prove them wrong...but many times you can't. You are going to have to stand up, dust yourself off and move forward. One rejection, one door shutting, one change in the plan isn't going to change who you are. It doesn't make you someone else. Use this rejection as a chance to grow and learn and do something different. Succeed despite people's fears (even if this success will "prove" they were right in their rejection).

Everything that happens to you throughout life, good or bad, is an opportunity. There are always going to be people who make bad decisions and think they are good. There are always going to be people who are afraid to take risks. There are always going to be people who don't understand you. There are always going to be people who want you to be someone else. There are always going to be people who just don't get it. There are always going to people who reject you. Don't let any of it stop you from being you.

Rejection is just another obstacle along your path. Don't let it keep you from doing great things.

 

Risks

How long are you going to continue to take this risk? Before you start arguing that you don't do this, spend a little more time thinking about your life. Are you really doing what you want to do? Are you just biding your time until you have enough experience or money to then do what you want to do? Most of us are spending too much time doing something other than we want to do and not actually getting any closer to doing what we do want to do.

We work in companies where we aren't really respected. We spend time with petulant coworkers who can seemingly do anything they want to do. We have the stated culture, which often has nothing to do with the actual culture within the organization. We are treated like nothing more than a cog in a machine. Many of us work in organizations that could care less about us...we are disposable and treated as such.

Even when we are lucky enough to work in a place where we are treated with respect, we aren't given the opportunity to do things to help us grow. We try to be original and unique, but aren't allowed the opportunity or the ability to make things better. We still work towards goals which are not our goals and are expected to do what we are told, nothing less and nothing more. Rarely are we given the opportunity to prove we can do more. This doesn't mean the company is terrible, but probably means we are doing things on the bet we will be able to someday buy the freedom we so desperately desire.

Is the risk worth it? No, it isn't, but I am just as guilty for taking it. Chasing what we want to do is scary. What happens if we don't have enough money? What happens if things don't work out? What if we fail? Chasing our dreams and doing what we want to do is risky, but it is less of a risk than never doing it. Would you rather spend you life doing what you don't want to do in hopes that someday you will be able to do what you want or take the risk to start doing what you want right now? I say figure out what you want to do and start doing it. What do you have to lose?

Play By Your Own Rules

When you look at your life, what do you see? Are you happy and satisfied with the things you have done, knowing you are doing exactly what you should be doing? Or, like most of us, are you constantly searching for something more? Group one is playing the game of life with their own rules, whereas group 2 is playing by someone else's rules. You are never going to be happy with your life until you start living it in the way you know is right.

Society shows us the people in charge are the ones who get to make the rules. Their rules will fit them well, but they may not work for you. You can see this played out every day in our Congress. In our own slice of life, we can see this in the companies we work for. In nearly every company, you will find an employee handbook telling you what you can and can't do. Many of these have become 50+ pages long and these are the rules you have to follow to play the game. Deviations from these rules can lead to your termination, no matter how trivial the rule (not to mention the question of whether it should be a rule to begin with).

I'm not saying that there should be anarchy and everyone should do whatever they want whenever they want. There have to be some rules in place to hold people accountable for heinous acts, even though the vast majority of us wouldn't commit them in the first place. But, and this is a big but, we have to write the rules for our own life. We don't have to follow the path society tells us we should follow. We don't have to crave the things society tells us we should crave. We don't have to behave in the ways society tells us we need to behave. If we want to stand out, then we should stand out. We have to figure out what matters to us (easier said than done) and then go after it. We have to follow the path we were meant to follow, no matter how difficult and different and stop following the path everyone thinks we should.

You are going to have people in your life who don't understand why you can't be happy working a 9-5 corporate job. You are going to have people in your life who don't understand why more responsibility doesn't make you happy. You are going to have people in your life who don't understand why you are not content with the life you are living. You are going to have people in your life who don't understand why you don't want the newest and prettiest toys like everyone else. You are going to have people in your life who don't understand why you would give up so much for what appears to them to be very little. You are going to have people in your life who just don't understand. That's okay, but you have to stop listening to them.

Your life is more important to you than anyone else. You know more about what makes you tick than anyone else. You know what your secret dreams are. You know what you want more than anything, even if you don't yet realize it. You know what scares the shit out of you. You may not know exactly what you should do next, but you know when something isn't for you. When you realize this, what do you do? Do you listen to the people who don't understand or do you figure out what you need to do to get you a little closer to your goals? Do you continue to play the game with someone else's rules or do you start playing your own game, by your own rules?

You are responsible for your actions and your happiness and your success. You get to define your happiness and success. You get to decide what sort of life you want to lead. You get to be who you want to be. No one else gets to make these decisions for you. You can try to fit your life into someone else's idea of what a good life should be, but deep down, you will know you aren't doing what you should be doing. You will constantly spin your wheels and yearn for something more.

Is playing by your own rules scary? You bet your ass it is. You are going to fail at something. You will work harder than you have ever worked in your life. You will take responsibility for you. You will learn to ignore the naysayers and become amazing at not letting people convince you that you are wrong. You will have to be comfortable with the people you hold in high regard not always supporting your decisions. You will need to stop worrying what other people think. You must become comfortable with forging your own path without a map, because you are going someplace no one else has.

This is your life. This is your happiness. This is your success. These are your dreams. Embrace them and start playing by your own rules.

Plans, Ideas and Solutions

Preparing a plan, developing an idea and coming up with solutions are all important, but unless you do something with them, they don't really matter. The best ideas remain only ideas unless they are put in to action. The best plans remain only plans unless they are put in to action. Solutions will only work when they are put in to action. Many of us stumble on the last step because it is the hardest to do. 

Doing requires all the risk. Your plans, ideas and solutions can all look amazing on paper, but there is no risk involved until you take action on them. We need people who can come up with them, but we really need people who can act on them. Take the risk and see if they actually work. If they don't work, you have to come up with more plans, ideas and solutions, but you'll have a little more knowledge when developing them. Keep pushing until you find some that do work. Implementation is much more difficult, but is the only way your plans, ideas and solutions will have value. Otherwise, they are just words on paper.

Keep Pushing

Our life brings a strange collection of ups and downs, good and bad, success and failure. Many of us strive for more ups than downs, more good than bad and more success than failure. This is a normal reaction to each type of event. But, when we strive for these are we missing out on chances and risks which may pay off even more? If we fear failure, do we limit the success we can have? When we fear the bad, do we limit the amount of good?

Life is about taking chances and trying new things and doing things differently. Life is about figuring out who we are and what we can offer the world. Is it possible to truly find yourself without all of the above? Can we really know success if we have never risked enough to fail? We will never produce great work if we are constantly striving to not fail, to not do bad work. Dealing with the downs, the bad, the failures---these are the lessons we must have. We have to learn how to overcome, how to keep the down times from eating at our soul and keeping us from trying and risking again.

When we push ourselves and really try, there will be times when we don't succeed. Instead of dwelling on the failure, we must learn from it and try again. This is the only way we will be able to do great work. Everyone fails. The world is not against you. Shit happens. Don't let it ruin your day, your month or your year. Figure out why things failed and then try again in a new and better way. Keep learning and pushing and sooner or later you will get the up, the good, the success. When you have dealt with the others, these will taste so much sweeter.

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