Frustration

Many of us spend way too much of our time being frustrated by things we have little to no control over. We get frustrated by traffic; we get frustrated by things people say or do; we get frustrated by the things people do not say or do; we get frustrated when our order in a restaurant is wrong; we get frustrated with the weather; we get frustrated when the cable goes out; we get frustrated when electronics aren't working properly. We spend so much time being frustrated over little things and let these frustrations ruin our day.

Every day, something we don't want to happen is going to happen. We have to learn to ignore these little things or fix them without getting frustrated when they happen. We have to start looking for the good instead of dwelling on the bad. The key is to learn to not only let go of these frustrations, but to learn how to keep them from frustrating us at all. We have to find a different mindset, one where we focus on the good things happening and not on the bad. We have to relax and realize most of our frustrations stem from circumstances out of our control. We have to let go and let whatever happens happens. If it is good, celebrate. If is is bad, figure out how to fix it (if we can) and continue moving forward.

Frustration brings little good to our lives and easily compounds. Once we allow something to become frustrating, we begin to notice more and more things which frustrate us. Instead, early in every day, find something going well and think about how good we feel knowing this. As we get better noticing the good, we will start to see these good things compounding more and more and we will begin to feel less frustration for the others. Finding the good isn't always as easy because we have to focus our minds to notice the good and resist the urge to focus on the bad. Our days will never be perfect, but the people who have more good days than bad do this by focusing more on the good. Lots of little things happen throughout our days, isn't it better to spend our time focusing on and celebrating the good? With less frustration, how much more can we accomplish each and every day?

Confidence

For many people, confidence can be very difficult to come by. This is not feeling we are superior, but feeling we are doing the right thing or a good job. Many people will wonder if they are doing good enough work or leading people in the right direction and worry they are not doing either well. Even if we have faith in our abilities, it can be hard to truly believe we are doing good work.

I often see lack of confidence in the way I take things people say as being negative when it is not meant as such. When our confidence wains, we will often assume innocuous comments are meant as an attack on our abilities or actions. When we think we are not doing a good job (even when we are), we will see others critiques or passing comments as more than they are meant to be. Having confidence, truly believing in ourselves, can be difficult for most of us as it requires faith, even when things aren't going as well as we hope.

Every day, we are confronted with problems and difficulties and failures. All of these have the ability to derail our confidence and cause us to wonder if we are moving in the right direction. Once we start to lose our confidence, we start to imagine this lack of confidence from others, too. Most of us work in an environment where we don't have someone helping to boost our confidence when we start to lose it. When the confidence levels drop, it is also hard to believe the people who are trying to help us bring it back to the level it should be. We are our own worst critics and have a hard time believing others think we are doing a good job when we don't see it.

We have to push through the dips in confidence, fix what needs to be fixed and keep pushing towards our goals. No one goes through life without doubting their work or their abilities, but the great ones keep pushing and trying to do better when they start to lose confidence. We have to be able to give ourselves credit and trust we have it in us to do great work. We have to be honest and see when we are not doing our best work and challenge ourselves to do better. At the same time, we have to see when we are doing everything we can and have confidence in it. This isn't always easy to do, but the more we work on it, the better we will get. We have to keep pushing and doing the best we can. We have to believe in ourselves if we ever hope to see how much others believe in us.

Endurance

Moving from good to great isn't usually about talent or who you know or what you do (though these can all help), it is about endurance. It is about putting in the work when it becomes difficult or monotonous or terrifying. You can have all the talent in the world, but without the ability to push through, to find your second (or third or fourth) wind, you will not be able to move to the next level. Are you willing to put in the work?

It takes 10,000 hours of practice to truly master something. This could be a sport or a musical instrument or writing or surgery or anything else you can think of. To reach greatness, you have to put in a lot of time and a lot of work. Much of this work may require you to toil in obscurity. You have to be able to get up each morning and force yourself to do whatever it is you need to do to become great. You need the motivation to continue to practice when no one is looking. You need the motivation to practice, no matter what is happening in your life. You have to put in the work, even if the people around you think you are nuts. You have to ignore the naysayers and do what needs to be done.

Most people do not have the endurance to do this. This endurance requires confidence, drive, love and determination. Moving from good to great requires you to put in the work, but putting in the work does not always mean you will move from good to great. This is why many people choose to quit. If there isn't a reachable goal, they tend to pull up and move to something else. For other people, the putting in the work, the practice, the difficulty are the the goal. They want to be great, but they know they may not get there. They love the hard work and have the hope of getting better and better, but know they will never be perfect. For them, the journey is more important than the destination. This gives them the endurance to continue on, in spite of the difficulty, the criticism, the doubt. Do you have the endurance for the chance at greatness? Or, would you rather play it safe?

Decisions

No matter what decision you make about anything, there are going to be people who agree with you and people who will not agree with you. A lot of the people on both sides can be ignored, but the difficulty comes when a person who disagrees with you is one who's opinion you value. In these situations, we have to remember their thoughts on the decision are colored by their perception and their goals. They may have good points, but the points may not apply to you or the circumstances surrounding the decision. Ultimately, every decision we make has to be the best one for us, even when we take in to account other people.

This is the interesting thing about us; we all perceive the world in our own ways and every decision will be a personal one, no matter how much it may appear to be similar to other people's decisions. We can all think about what we would do in someone else's shoes, but we can never truly imagine what it would be like to be in their shoes. We are different and therefore have a different way of looking at things. Remember this whenever you feel like changing your mind because of someone else or when you feel like a loved one is making a huge mistake. We all do things for our own reasons...it really doesn't matter if you wouldn't do the same. Make decisions based on what you think and feel. You can take into account the thoughts and beliefs of others, but you are the person responsible for you. If the decision is right for you, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.  

A Collection

During this weekend of mass consumerism, here is a collection of organizations and companies people should know more about and support:

These are just a few of the companies and organizations I love. Click on each picture to learn a little more about who they and and what they do. What are some of your favorites?

Giving Thanks Part 2

What would happen if we, as a world society, expressed our gratitude every day instead of at random times selected by the calendar? Would there be more peace and less war? Would people be able to get along a little better, no matter their race, religion, color or nationality? Would we be more willing to work together to solve some of the major problems plaguing the world? Would we be more likely to care about HIV epidemics in Africa or starving children throughout the world or the homeless in our own cities and towns? Would the world be any different? Would you be any different?

Giving Thanks

On this Thanksgiving, I am thankful for all the people and animals who have made such an amazing impact on my life and helped me to become the person I am today. I am thankful for the people toiling every day to make this world a better place. I am thankful for the dreamers, the teachers, the nonconformists, the change makers and everyone else who inspire us to be bigger and better than we ever thought possible.

I am thankful I am able to share this day with people I love. I would not be the man I am today without the help and support of my family. I am thankful to an amazing woman who has decided to share her insight, love and passion with me on a daily basis. I am thankful for more than I could ever put in to words and more people than I could ever mention (though I hope you all know who you are). Thank you all for what you do, seen and unseen, to help push us towards a better tomorrow!

Dreams

This tree really has nothing to do with this post, I just like it.

We all dream. We all have dreams. Our most important dreams are those we have when we are awake. These are the things we are supposed do. We are meant to chase our dreams and if we try hard enough, we just might catch them. Once we do, we are lucky enough to be able to dream again and come up with something new to chase.

The worst thing we could ever do is ignore these dreams. We may never feel the time is right to start chasing them. We may have too many responsibilities or too many bills or too many people relying on us. We may feel as if we owe our company or our boss for the job we have or feel it would be selfish to quit. We may be afraid of failing. We have probably become really too good at convincing ourselves we still have time and we can start tomorrow, which becomes the following day or the following month or the following year. We are amazing at coming up with excuses. While we may never feel the time is right, the time you choose, right now, is the right time to start chasing your dreams.

We dream for a reason. Our emotions and heart and intuition know what we want to do, what we should be doing, how we can bring the most good in to the world. Because we have become so good at ignoring these, we dream. It's the best way for the emotion and heart and intuition to be heard. Listen to them and start chasing.

Is This The Life I Want?

Do you ever ask yourself: "Is this the life I want?" How do you answer this question? If you are asking the question, then you are probably not doing everything you yearn to do. This doesn't necessarily mean you have to change everything; maybe you just need to add a little more to your already full plate. Maybe there are some tweaks needing to be made and these tweaks could lead to a lot more happiness.

Usually when I ask myself this question, I have changed some major things in my life. I have moved across the country and quit jobs without a plan and ended relationships and quit drinking. Rarely do I ask myself this question and then adjust minor things. I always assumed it was the major things which didn't allow me to follow my heart and do all the things I want to do. Sometimes this is true, but I have started to realize sometimes, I don't have to quit my job or move across the country, but I just need to create a little more, I need to give a little more, I need to travel a little (or a lot) more.

Many of the things we want to do with life can be accomplished by changing the little things. I could travel more if I stopped eating out for lunch and instead started saving this money. I could create a little more if I just blocked it in to my schedule or stopped watching TV (which has actually opened up a lot of time for me). I could give a little more if I just schedule times when I am going to volunteer. Most of us say we want to be happy, but we have no idea what this means or what we need to do to get there.

Instead of asking if this is the life you want, instead ask yourself what needs to happen to love the life you live. Really think about the answer. Come up with ideas or thoughts or dreams of what you want to do and what you think will make you happy. Then work to get them. Dreams only really matter if you work to make them a reality. Work hard to get them and then come up with new dreams. Continue to tweak and change things until you are able to find the life you love. This isn't going to be easy, but truly enjoying life is worth the effort. 

Want More or Give More

How would the world be different if everyone had a place to sleep, a roof over their head, money in their pocket and were able to read? What great things could people bring in to this world if they weren't spending their entire day trying to survive? We will all continue to worry about things going on in our lives, but this can hopefully bring a little perspective to those worries. For most of us, whatever happens, good or bad, it will not be the end of the world. For many other people, it could be.

Instead of always wanting more, maybe we should give more.

Things to remember

1) Stop comparing yourself to other people. We all have unique experiences and different passions. Live your passion.
2) Look for the good in every interaction, no matter how difficult.
3) Don't be afraid to live the life you want to live, no matter what other people think.
4) Strive to learn something new each day.
5) Learn from, but don't dwell on, the past.
6) Strive to make the world a better place, even for just one other person.
7) Don't be afraid to make yourself happy.
8) Laugh as often as possible. Life doesn't have to be so serious.
9) No one is "normal". Embrace your weirdness.
10) Love freely
11) Fail with grace and gusto
12) Be yourself

Do things the long, hard, stupid way

This is another great Do Lecture everyone should watch. If you haven't checked out the Do Lectures yet, please do so. In each and every one, you will find something that speaks to you. We can learn a lot from the people around us and the internet allows the number of people to expand exponentially.

Based on the title of this lecture, I was pleasantly surprised at the direction it took. Sit back and enjoy!

Decisions

On our path through life, sometimes things become hard. We aren't sure what we are supposed to do next and we aren't sure if the effort is going to be worth it. I have seen this numerous times throughout my life and I have made different decisions each time. Sometimes I quit and find something else to do and sometimes I battle through everything thrown at me to see what is on the other side. I wish there was a magical equation we could use to decide if the effort is worth the outcome but their really isn't one.

Whether to stay the course or to leave it is a personal decision and one each of us have to make on our own. We can seek input from others, we can look to our friends and mentors to see what they would do, but we have to remember every experience is different for every person. We are unique and as such, our struggles our unique as well. Every decision we make is a personal one; we need not be afraid of what others think of our decision.

When we look back, we have the ability to see the decision and the outcome, so we will often wish we had done something differently. When I look back at dropping out of law school, I sometimes wish I would have continued on this path and became a lawyer. I think about the good things I could have done with the degree and wonder what I would be doing now. But, I would not have landed in animal welfare, I would not have met my wonderful fiancée and I would not have started to share my life with some of the amazing animals I now do. Things would have been completely different and I have no way of knowing if this path would be better or worse than the one I am currently following. There is no way to know what our life would be like if we made other choices, so there is no reason to look back and wish we had done something differently.

No matter the quandary and no matter the decision made, our lives will change because of them. We can not even hope to see the magnitude of change caused by any of our decisions, the lives we will touch or the things we will do. We just have to make the best decision for us in the moment we are making it. The key words in the last sentence are "best decision for us" as this is all we really have to go on. Yes, all of our decisions affect others, but we can never really see all the ways this may be true. Be open, be true to your spirit, think about what you are doing and what you want to do, then make the decision. Listen for the little voice of passion and follow your heart. It will lead you to where you want to be.

Winter

As I sit here on a cold November morning, I can't help but think of winter and snow. Yes, like most other people, I often complain about the cold temperatures, the hazardous driving conditions and the ice that always comes with a Missouri winter. But, I also think about why winter brings happiness to my household.

Dinners of soups or chili or stews, reading a book in front of a roaring fire, the warmth and comfort of my bed on a cold morning, the muffled existence caused by an overnight snow, watching my St. Bernard run around with glee in a blanket of white, nights spent playing board games or cards with the woman I love, snow angels, hot apple cider and tea and everything else winter brings in to my life. Winter is a time of closeness.

Everything occurring around us can be seen as good or bad, it all depends on the perception we wish to take and how we are going to allow ourselves to think about each occurrence. We can choose to see the good or the bad, but it is our choice. We can complain about the things we have no control over or we can choose to see the good. Start looking for the good and see if your life, your frustrations, your patience or your outlook changes. Make today beautiful.

Gratitude

During November, I have noticed a lot of Facebook status updates of people giving thanks for things in their life. Each day, they post a new status expressing their gratitude. While some may find this to be a little cheesy, it is a very effective way to put your mind in to a place where you notice the good around you.

In The Happiness Advantage, Shawn Achor argues this is one of the best ways to get stuck in a "Positive Tetris Effect" and bring happiness to our lives. Every day, write down three good things that happened to you in the last 24 hours. These can be small or large things, but the goal is to take five minutes each day to write down just three things for which you are grateful. By doing this, you become more adept at noticing the good happening in your life. When you focus on the good, the negatives don't seem to matter as much.

What would happen in the word if everyone started focusing on the good, started noticing the things which bring happiness and started to pay less attention to the things which bring negative thoughts and frustrations to our lives? Would we be able to do more, create more, make more lasting change? If nothing else, wouldn't the chance to be a little happier and help to make those around you a little happier bring positive change? What if we all made the decision to express our gratitude, not only on Facebook, but face to face with the people we want to thank?

Start out by setting five minutes aside each morning or evening and write down three good things that happened to you each and every day. As you begin doing this, you will see areas in your life where you can express gratitude to the people who bring you happiness. It's simple, takes very little time and could improve your outlook, your mood and your work. It may be a little difficult for some of you at first, but if you keep on writing, it will become habit. Are you really too busy to give up five minutes each day? Try it and feel free to let me know how it works.