The Voice

So stop listening to it. You are never going to be able to completely silence the voice. When you think you may have, it will pop up at the worst time and start spreading doubt. You can ignore it...in fact, you must get good at ignoring it. This voice, the one only you can hear, will hold you back from reaching your potential more than anything else.

This voice pops up all the time, whether you are exercising or training or applying for a new job or learning a new language or studying a subject you find interesting or taking classes or doing anything new and different. It holds us back and convinces us to not give our all. I don't know if this is a survival mechanism from when we were hunter/gatherers or something new, but we have to learn that it has no place in our life.

The good thing is you can start to quiet it when you prove it wrong. It doesn't matter how you prove it wrong; all you have to do is keep going when it says you can't do something. Don't let it stop you or zap your motivation. Keep pushing and keep going. You will break through. You are capable of doing anything, if you put in the work, no matter what this shitty, little voice says.

The key is to recognize this voice for what it is when it pops up. You can even give the voice a name, if you want. Tell it to shut up, argue with it or just ignore it, but don't believe it. This voice will come up with great reasons why you shouldn't do things...it's too cold or wet to run, it's too late to study, you're not smart enough to learn that, this TV show looks better than hitting the gym, you don't have the qualifications for that job, you can't afford to go back to school, etc. These excuses are all bullshit.

Nothing you really want to do is going to be easy. If it was, you would have already done it. But, if you really want to do something, then it matters to you. Don't let bullshit excuses from a voice in your head stop you from doing them. Get out there and do the work. Don't let the rain stop you from running. Don't let fear of failure stop you from learning something new or applying for the job or moving across the country. Don't let any of the excuses stop you from doing the work you need to do. Don't let the voice convince you that doing something hard is a waste of time. It's not. Letting the voice win is the waste. Don't spend another day letting it control your life.

Take The First Step

This is one of those days where I struggle, staring at a blank screen with a blinking cursor, trying to come up with something to share with all of you. I think about the subjects I could write about and then throw them out one by one, either because I have already written about them or because I don't know what to write about them. There is nothing more difficult for a writer than having nothing to write. When this happens, I just start writing. Sometimes, this writing ends up being good and other times it does not. Either way, once the words start flowing, I find it a little easier to keep them coming.

I know I have written about starting a couple of times and incorporated it in to some other recent posts, but I can not stress the importance enough. Once you start moving, it is easier to keep moving. Once you start writing, it is easier to keep writing. The same is true with losing weight, saving money, eating healthier, cooking more, reading more...pretty much anything you want to do is easier once you get started. The hardest part is going from stopped to starting. It can also be hard to continue moving, but not nearly as hard as starting.

Once you start, there will still be fears and there will still be excuses, but these are much easier to ignore when you are moving. Once you get a little momentum, the drive to continue is always there. It won't be easy, but it will be easier. For most of us, we need that little push, the nudge, to get started, but like a stone rolling down a hill...the littlest nudge can keep us going for quite a while. No matter what it is you want to do, just start. Don't worry about having everything planned or knowing everything you are going to do. You can decide this once you start moving. If you are waiting for the perfect time, then start now. There is no time like the present to do something new and different.

The finish line rarely matters, except in races. Even then, it is often not important to anyone other than the winner. For everything we are going to do, the start is the most important part. Once we start, our life begins to take a new direction, one where aren't quite sure what will happen. We don't know what is to come, only what we want to come. Don't worry about the finish or even what will come next...these are all things you can figure out once you start moving.

Starting can be hard. It can be scary. Sometimes, you have no clue what you are doing. Sometimes, like my writing today, you don't know for sure where it is going to take you until you get there. But, once you start, you can make choices and steer in the directions you want to go. Anything you want to do, no matter how crazy or out of reach you think it is, begins with the start. Take the first step, make the first move, write the first word and just see what happens. You only get one shot at life; don't waste it standing still.

Chase Your Dreams

Dreams are amazing. Now, I am not writing about the dreams you have at night where you are a pirate or running around a school full of missiles and guns or being chased by some crazy person in a mask. The dreams I am writing about are the ones we have when we are awake. These are the dreams of where we want our life to go or what we want to do. The most important dreams we have are the ones when we are awake.

Dreams give us hope. Dreams give us goals. Dreams motivate us. Dreams are what help us slog through another humdrum day. Dreams allow us to yearn for something bigger or better or different. Depending on the day, dreams can change. Some days, I dream of owning a food truck and other days a book store/coffee shop. Some days I dream of being a working writer and still in others, I dream of owning a quaint vegan bed and breakfast on the beach. In the same way food fuels our body, dreams fuel our mind.

The difficult thing about dreams is they require action. Without working towards our dreams, they become something different, something darker, something mocking. If we choose to do nothing, to not attempt to capture our dreams, they become bitter and steal our hopes and motivations. The dreams become something we can't envision reaching and we become cynical towards them. They point out our flaws and laugh as we convince ourselves we could never reach them. They take away everything they once gave and it is our fault.

We may not be able to do everything we dream of doing, but we can damn well try. Our dreams can change, but they should change because we have moved on to another dream realizing the one we were working on isn't quite what we wanted. They should never change because we gave up believing we could do it. We've all had dreams we gave up on. For many of us, they still haunt us. We should know how much it hurts to give up on a dream and strive to never do it again. We don't want to be haunted by an ever-growing litany of dreams we never really chased.

Your dreams can shape your life. You can continue to give up on them or you can start spending your time chasing them. You can work towards your dreams or you can stay where you are at. Chasing your dreams will give you experience and hope and motivation. Giving up will give you nothing. Chasing your dreams is much more difficult, but will reward you with moments in time emblazoned in your memory. Giving up is easier, but will give you nothing. We can talk about chasing our dreams all we want, but until we start acting on them, nothing really changes. The question you should ask yourself is: "Which dream will I start chasing today?"  

Adapt to the Situation

Early this morning, I was driving to work to turn off the fire alarm caused by a faulty smoke detector and I was frustrated. At first, I thought I was frustrated with the alarm or the faulty detector or the fact that I was going to work at 3:00am instead of in bed sleeping, but after some thought, I realized I was frustrated because my routine was thrown into disarray.

As I have written before, I am a huge proponent of routines. I believe they help to get more done, be more creative and just make life a little easier to live. A good routine helps us to do more of the things we often put off. The more we get up to exercise in the morning, the easier it becomes. A routine is a little added motivation to help accomplish what we want to accomplish.

I have to get better at not feeling frustration when my routine is knocked around. Things are always going to happen. It may be a fire alarm in the middle of the night or a flat tire or anything else that can come up and change the direction of my day. Getting frustrated when this happens does no good and won’t change things. I must get better at allowing these swerves to happen without being affected.

Allowing ourselves to roll with the punches will open us up to more experiences and ideas. When we aren’t in our routine and okay with whatever happens, we never know what opportunities will cross our paths. While a routine may help us to get things accomplished, sometimes stepping out of the routine will lead us in a new and exciting direction we never saw coming Other times, it will just be a trip to work for a couple of hours, a little less sleep, a later than usual Friday blog and a change in routine. It’s not always going to be easy or fun, but getting frustrated isn’t going to change anything. When we are open to and accepting of the changes, how much more can we learn, enjoy or do?

What opportunities will we miss if we are blinded by frustration?

"You can avoid having ulcers by adapting to the situation: If you fall in the mud puddle, check your pockets for fish."  

Remember Why

For those of us constantly searching, how do you slow your mind down and focus on the tasks at hand? How do you find the motivation and the drive to do what you do? Just because the motivation wanes, we don't have to run from one thing to the next. Motivation will get lost from time to time. Every now and again, we will question what it is we do and why we do it. Hell, we might question it every day, but we will still get up each morning to do it again. Why?

For many of us, we have passion for what we do, but it isn't the passion we want to have. We want to jump out of bed every morning excited to attack the work. We want to have an endless supply of motivation and positive feelings about the work we do. Some people may have this, but for most of us, we don't. That's okay. The problems start when we begin to dwell on the fact we aren't feeling what we want to feel. We don't want to admit we may not ever feel what we want to feel because we may not be wired to feel it or we may not let ourselves feel it.

It's okay to do work you aren't over the top passionate about all the time. Everyone has their ups and downs and everyone has doubts. We can question what we do or who we are over and over again, but questioning alone changes nothing. Constantly changing focus when the motivation wanes also changes nothing. There will be times when you have to push through the lack of motivation and keep on doing the work at hand. The motivation may come back or it may not. The majority of the time, it does come back. 

For most of us, there was a reason we started doing the work we are doing. Do you remember why you do what you do? Picture why you started. Picture your goals and dreams as it applies to what you do. Picture a good day. When you are having the down times, is there something you can do to help you remember these things? Write down what you pictured and have it in an accessible place. When you feel the motivation wane or you don't want to do it anymore, pull it out and read what you pictured. This may just give you the boost you need to get through the day. Tomorrow will always be a new day. 

Just Start

As much as I write about being positive and getting things done, I have trouble with doing both as well. It isn't always easy to have a positive outlook on life. It isn't always easy to get started. I have the same fears you do about the same things you do. What if I fail? What if I am not good enough? What if I can't get it done?

All these thoughts float through my mind and I am getting better at not listening to them, but they are still there. I sometimes have trouble finding the motivation to get things done, be it at work or this blog or other writing or any of the multitude of other things I have in my mind or on my task list. For me, the key isn't about finding the motivation, it's about getting off my ass and starting.

Once I start, I begin to feel the energy flow through my body and I become focused on the task at hand. If I can just get myself to sit at the computer and start typing, words begin to flow when I didn't think they were there. If I force myself to get the lawn mower out and plug it in, then I know I will no longer have any excuse to not mow the lawn. When I start answering that first e-mail, it becomes easier to clear out the in-box. When I focus on chopping that first vegetable, I can start working on the latest recipe.

The next time you start to dread a project or don't feel like doing something you need to do, don't listen to the excuses floating around your head. You will always be able to come up with an excuse to not do something, but when you focus enough to start step one, it becomes much easier to continue on until you finish. Stop wasting time, stop listening to the excuses and fear in your mind and get to work. You are going to feel a lot better once you start ticking things off your to-do list. You don't need motivation, you just need to start. Quit wasting time and get something done.

Support Each Other

There are people who know exactly what they want to do and they do it. They find a career they love and continue pushing towards their goal of what they want to do. Then, there are people who aren't really sure. They think they want to do something and go for it, but once they are doing it, they realize it isn't really what they want to do.

It's okay to not know and to experiment. You will often frustrate the people who do know what they want to do because they can't grasp the idea that you do not. Don't let their frustration get to you. Keep moving forward and figuring out what you want to do and where you want to go. For you, passion has to be found. Keep searching and you will find what you are looking for. But, you have to keep searching.

If you are the type of person who gets frustrated at those of us searching, just relax. We would love to be in your shoes, but we don't think the same way you do. We would love to do something that makes us excited to jump out of bed in the morning. Constantly searching, we may talk about how things will be better when we do something else. If we get there, we may find out it isn't what we thought it was going to be or it doesn't do to our soul what we wanted it to. This may frustrate the person who knows exactly what they want, but it doesn't compare to the frustration of the person who feels unfulfilled.

If you know exactly what you want to do and you go for it, great! If you don't have a clue, but know you are going to constantly search and mold what you have, great (and good luck)! Both of these types of people need to support each other and cut the other a little slack. We're all in this together and we have to remember we each have our own thoughts and motivations. The more we help and support each other, the better off we will be.

Motivation

For many of us, we have days when the motivation wanes. This can show itself in any number of ways-procrastination, anger, self-doubt and the inability to focus, though if you are like me, it will become all of these wrapped together. It may start as procrastination, but I always end up tumbling in to self-doubt. I think this is one of the worst places to end up when it comes to losing your motivation. Once you start doubting your abilities, it becomes hard to pull yourself back up, not impossible, but difficult.

There are some important things you can do to help keep your motivation from disappearing:

1) Make sure you are doing the job you should be doing. It's nearly impossible to stay motivated when you are chasing another person's dream. You can do work without being motivated, but you can't do your life's work without it.
2) Surround yourself with the right people (both personally and professionally). You need to be surrounded by people who are positive, upbeat and strive to do the best work they can. Plus, you need people you can trust when things get tough.
3) Keep it fun. Always make sure you take the time to have fun with anything you are doing. You are going to be more creative and driven if you enjoy what you do.
4) Get some exercise. If things start to get stressful or your feel your motivation start to wane, take a walk, go for a bike ride, jog...do anything to get your blood pumping. It helps to get those creative juices flowing again.
5) Allow yourself some time away. Every now and again, we need to get away to help regain focus and let our mind and body relax.

Even if you do all of these, there are no guarantees your motivation will always stick around. It can pull a disappearing act, often when you need it the most. In these cases, what do you do to get it back?

Let It Go

Walking around with built-up bitterness is a recipe for disaster. When we feel slighted or screwed over by someone we will often hold resentment towards this person for years to come. We will constantly talk about how we really dislike them and will let others know how we were screwed over.

Everything the person does is viewed through a lens of negativity. We assume every decision is one based on malice and bad intent. We may even think that anything done now is still an attempt to one up us or make us look bad. Some of us will struggle the rest of our life trying to prove the other person wrong. 

The sad part is we can never, ever do our best work when we are doing it out of spite or in an attempt to show someone they were wrong about us. We can only do our best from a place of peace. Our motivation to do great work should not come from a place of negativity, like proving someone wrong. We will all do this from time to time, but when the past wrong constantly drives us, we will go nowhere good.

As hard as it sounds and as hard as it is to do, we have to let go of these negative emotions. They are doing nothing good for us and will only continue to bring us down. Yes, the person may have screwed us over. Yes, they might still be doing things in an effort to discredit us. Let them worry about the negativity they are bringing to their work. If this is really their goal, nothing good will come of their emotions, either. We have to be the bigger person and just let go. We should do the work we want to do and not worry what anyone else thinks, especially people we don’t like.

Bitterness can only be a driving force for so long. It feels like it is pushing us forward and helping accomplish things, but in the end, it will only lead to burnout and disappointment. Eliminate the bitterness and we will be able to find motivation from positive sources.

Think about why you do the work you do. There may be some bitter motivator, but for many of us, we do the work because we want to make a difference. We do things we are good at. We do things we love. We have a vested interest in what we do. In any case, the motivation behind your best work is always going to be positive motivation. Forget the past and move towards the future while living in the moment. Getting over the past isn’t going to happen overnight and is going to take time, but as we continue to work towards it, we will feel better.

There is nothing we can do to change what has happened and very little we can do to change people’s minds or attitudes. But, we can leave the game they are playing and play our own. No one says we have to get along with everyone. We have to live our life the way we see fit and there will be some people who just don’t figure in to it. Instead of letting them ruin your day, your week or longer, just move on with your life. Eliminate the bitterness and let the positive motivation allow us to do the best work we have inside.

Judging

Yesterday, I wrote about how we need to stop comparing ourselves to others. Continuing with this same thought, we also spend way too much time judging others.

I guarantee, wherever you work, there is gossip. We constantly talk about the actions or thoughts of other people and how we agree, or more likely, disagree with them. We judge people everyday, often without even realizing what we are doing.

How can someone drive that fast? Why in the world would he leave all this work for me to do? Why can't they just do their job and quit talking? Why doesn't she brush his teeth more? How dare they lie to me! Why can't they just do their work? How could someone wear that out of the house? How can someone still smoke? How does someone eat that crap? What the hell is wrong with them?

We spend way too much time thinking about the actions of others and coming up with reasons why they should or shouldn't do something. The truth is none of us are perfect. There are literally millions of sayings and quotes dealing with this subject. None of us can really get in head of someone else, so we can't know the motivations of the people we are judging. Try giving people the benefit of the doubt.

We all have different motivations and passions and thought patterns and things we are dealing with. Maybe the person speeding and weaving through traffic is trying to get to the hospital because a loved one is dying. Maybe the person who didn't get all their tasks done and left some work for you was just served divorce papers. Maybe the person who lied to you didn't realize they were lying.

Every one of us makes mistakes. We all do things every day that someone else wouldn't do. We usually have our reasons for doing it, things no one else can really understand. We don't like to be judged, so why do we take so much pleasure in judging others? What makes us think we are better than any other person we meet?

We are all unique. We do things differently. Every set of circumstances is different. No two people faced with the same circumstances are going to do the exact same thing. Stop expecting every one else to do things the way you do. Stop believing that if you did something, everyone else can do the exact same thing in the exact same way.

This doesn't mean we can't have discussions about disagreements or things not getting done or ways to do things. These discussions shouldn't be about either person, but about the situation at hand. Take the ego out of it. Stop taking things personally. Worry more about living your life instead of criticizing others for the way they live theirs.

Stop Talking and Do

Seriously, how is it already December? Life is flying by and seems to fly by at a much faster rate the older I get. It feels like only yesterday we were celebrating 2011 coming in to existence. I look back at the last year and realize I have had a really good year, even if I didn't accomplish or do a lot of of the things I wish I had. For most people, this is true when we examine the year as it comes to a close.

Yesterday, I wrote about goal setting for the upcoming year and wondered how I would be able to accomplish more of the goals I set. Motivation and focus are the two important traits I need to stoke to actually do the things I want to do. With a little more work and a little more organization, I hope to do more in 2012 than I have been able to in other years. As December 2012 rolls around, I hope I can look back at the year and realize I did accomplish more of what I wanted to accomplish, as well as having another great year.

For me, and I am sure for many of you, we push our goals thinking they can be done tomorrow or next week or next month and we never seem to get to the point where we can start working towards them. For next year, one of my goals is to really focus on doing the things I want to do. I need to stop the procrastination and focus on really doing the work. I am not sure if I procrastinate because I am afraid of not being able to handle doing what I want, because I don't want to put in the work and then have the final product be less than I imagined or because I just think there will always be time. It's probably a mixture of the three.

I have to train my mind to realize there is no time better than now to focus on all of the things I want to do. The time is never going to be perfect and pushing off my goals is only going to end with never actually accomplishing the things I want to accomplish. I don't want to look back in December of 2015 or 2020 and wonder how I still didn't accomplish the things I am thinking about this year. There is always tomorrow is a mantra I have to remove from my vocabulary. I want to actually do everything on my list of goals and the only thing holding me back is me. As I look back at 2012, I want to see the year when I learned to do instead of just talking about it.    

Goals for 2012

As we quickly race towards 2012, I am thinking a lot about goal setting. For the first time in my life, I want to have personal goals defined for things I want to do, learn and experience in the coming year. I have often done this type of goal setting at work, but this is the first time I have done it in my personal life. I know some of the goals are measurable and some are not, but they are all going to be goals. These goals touch on things I have been talking about doing for years, but never have focused on accomplishing. My hope is by setting goals, there will be a little extra motivation to stop talking and actually start doing.

Do any of you set personal goals for each year? These are not New Year's resolutions as I have found these often fall by the wayside before January comes to a close. I have started writing down some goals I have for next year and during this next month, I will add and subtract and figure out how my priorities lie. I will have no problem coming up with the goals, but I do have concerns I will let the year slide by without focusing on many of them. If you are a goal-oriented person, what tips do you have to keep these goals in the front of your mind?

The idea I have come up with, but not yet decided on, is to make a schedule of focus for the coming year. I will take the goals I want to hit and then figure out the best way to fit them in during year, while keeping in mind big upcoming big dates, October 13, 2012, and events happening throughout the year. I can print out this schedule and have it hanging throughout the house to remind me of where my focus should be each and every day. I have not decided how much of my list I will make public, though I know I am more likely to stick to the schedule if other people know what I am supposed to be doing.

Do any of you have thoughts, ideas or tips on setting goals, reaching your goals or keeping your goals a priority?

Endurance

Moving from good to great isn't usually about talent or who you know or what you do (though these can all help), it is about endurance. It is about putting in the work when it becomes difficult or monotonous or terrifying. You can have all the talent in the world, but without the ability to push through, to find your second (or third or fourth) wind, you will not be able to move to the next level. Are you willing to put in the work?

It takes 10,000 hours of practice to truly master something. This could be a sport or a musical instrument or writing or surgery or anything else you can think of. To reach greatness, you have to put in a lot of time and a lot of work. Much of this work may require you to toil in obscurity. You have to be able to get up each morning and force yourself to do whatever it is you need to do to become great. You need the motivation to continue to practice when no one is looking. You need the motivation to practice, no matter what is happening in your life. You have to put in the work, even if the people around you think you are nuts. You have to ignore the naysayers and do what needs to be done.

Most people do not have the endurance to do this. This endurance requires confidence, drive, love and determination. Moving from good to great requires you to put in the work, but putting in the work does not always mean you will move from good to great. This is why many people choose to quit. If there isn't a reachable goal, they tend to pull up and move to something else. For other people, the putting in the work, the practice, the difficulty are the the goal. They want to be great, but they know they may not get there. They love the hard work and have the hope of getting better and better, but know they will never be perfect. For them, the journey is more important than the destination. This gives them the endurance to continue on, in spite of the difficulty, the criticism, the doubt. Do you have the endurance for the chance at greatness? Or, would you rather play it safe?

Fear

I have written a lot about fear in my previous posts, but I haven't really addressed it directly. We often let fear control our decisions and sometimes don't even realize it. It takes thought and reflection to understand the fear we feel. Many of us are not comfortable examining the roots of our fear or trying to figure out which fear is the real fear controlling us. For me, when faced with a decision, I always wonder which fear is driving what I want to do. Am I looking to leave a job because I don't think I am good enough or smart enough to do it and I want to get away before other people realize this? Or, am I looking to leave because I know the job I am doing is not the one I want to do?

It can be very difficult to figure out which fear is actually the motivator. We have to delve in to the fear, fight with it and figure out which is real and which is not. There may be aspects of both or many in any decision we make, but most of us are hesitant to do this introspection as we aren't sure what we are going to find when we start. We spend so much time being afraid that we don't really make many choices. We look for ways to keep busy or indifferent, be it watching too much TV, going out all the time or as it was in my case, drinking.

We hide from fear. We aren't ever sure when it is going to pop up and we don't want to spend our time examining it or figuring out what it is keeping us from doing. Instead, we try to ignore it and by doing so, we are inactive. We don't make meaningful choices; we don't figure out what to do next; we don't do anything of consequence. We have to learn how to examine our fear and then use it to our advantage. This isn't something we are ever taught in school and can be very difficult to learn. Most of us will continue to struggle with this for the rest of our lives, but as long as we are aware of the fear, we will work to make choices because of what we want and not due to the fear.

This isn't going to be easy and we are going to learn a lot about who we are (and some of it may not be great). Acknowledging and examining the fear will help to make our lives better because we will start making decisions that matter. We will start to figure out what we want to do. We will know what the fear has been keeping us from doing and we won't let it hold us back. We will still feel the fear, but it will no longer have a strong hold over who we are. We will be in control and we will be able to accomplish more than we ever have.