Agendas

Everyone has their own agenda. Too often, we lose sight of this fact. Of course people are going to do things that don't match up with your agenda...they are more worried about theirs. This isn't right or wrong, but just the way it is. Logically, this makes sense, but emotionally, it doesn't always feel good.

We're emotional animals and this can make our interactions with others difficult. We want things the way we want them and when people don't agree, we can become angry and frustrated. For some, they handle this well. For others, we don't. When we don't handle it well, things can get ugly quickly. Other people can get involved. Lots of feelings can get hurt.

When emotions are involved, people often lose their minds. Things are said that shouldn't be said. We behave in ways we wouldn't normally behave. We do things we regret. Our emotional side is running the show...all because someone did something that didn't fit our agenda.

Why take things personally? If someone does something you wouldn't do or doesn't do something you would do, know they have their own reasons. They did it because of their agenda. What's the point of letting it bother you? Should other people have that much control over you and how you feel?

I'm not saying you have to ignore it, either. You can discuss with people what you would like or how you would have preferred they acted, but don't let emotions get the better of you. You, and you alone, should be in control of you. Don't give other people the power. Focus on the your agenda and let other people focus on theirs. If they don't mesh, then get out of the others way and move on. It's so much better and more productive than getting mad, frustrated or bitter.

Life is way too damn short to spend your time being mad, frustrated and bitter.

Difficult Conversations

In this age of technological innovation, I think most of us have forgotten how to and fear having difficult conversations. We can see this in our professional and personal lives. We resort to text messages and e-mails when we should be having face to face or phone conversations. We find it easier to get everything down in writing because an actual conversation is much harder to do when emotions are involved. This is a prime example of doing something because it is easier, not because it is better.

For many of us, when we think about having a difficult conversation, our stomach drops and our imagination runs wild. We picture the worst happening during the conversation and our fear holds us back from doing what is right. Instead of talking to the person responsible, we may shoot off an e-mail or bitch and moan to a friend or co-worker about what we think is right and what the other person did that is wrong. We don't have the entire story because we are too afraid to discuss it with the other person (or people) involved.

This is a terrible way to treat any relationship. We let things fester and continue to bother us to the point where we can't control our emotions about the situation. We convince ourselves that we are right and work to get other people to think we are too. In most cases, we could have solved the issue with the person involved, but instead have built up so much emotional baggage we can no longer see any other side to the story besides our own. This can cause schisms in teams and will ruin relationships.

A difficult conversation will involve emotions, but the only way to effectively have them is by keeping these emotions in check. We can talk about how something made us feel, but we need to do this from neutral footing. Going on the attack is not helpful and will only make the other person become defensive and more entrenched in their view. Most of the time, there really isn't a "right" or "wrong" solution...there are many shades of gray. We may not have liked what happened, but not liking something doesn't automatically make it wrong.

In any situation we find upsetting, we always assume the other person had the same information we did and chose a different path. While this may be true, often it is not. We owe it to the other person to find out why they did what they did before we jump to judgment. By having a conversation instead of firing off an e-mail, we can get the whole story before making a decision. Being constantly frustrated by others is no way to go through life. Just dealing with it is also no way to go through life. If we constantly ignore the issues instead of speaking to people about them, we allow the frustration to build up until we burst. Yes, many times we need to deal with the fallout from the things that happened, but before becoming frustrated, we owe it to ourselves and other people to get all the facts.

We can't do this via e-mail, at least not easily. Pick up the phone, schedule a meeting, do anything to have the difficult conversation. It won't be easy, but once you start having these conversations instead of letting technology muddle the issue, you will find it becomes easier and easier to have them. Don't let your imagination run rampant and stop feeling as if people are doing things just to spite you. By giving the other person a chance, both can walk away from the conversation with a different perspective and usually a better understanding. It won't always work, but by having the conversation, you have done the best you can do.

As I have found through most of my life, the easiest way to do something is rarely the best.

A Positive Outlook

The older I get, the faster time seems to fly by. When I look at the date, I have a hard time believing it is already 2012. It feels like only yesterday that I was still bright eyed and busy tailed, ready to take on the world. Today, I am probably a little too cynical and sarcastic, but I am still ready to take on the world and try to change it for the better.

As I get older, I have found it challenging to remain a positive person. After going through some struggles during the last handful of years, I have crossed a threshold on my path and have started to become more aware of my outlook and strive to remain positive as much as I can. As anyone who knows me will tell you, I am not all sunshine and rainbows, but I think I have a better outlook on life than I did even one year ago.

We all have control over the vibe we put off and most people can pick up on the positivity or negativity pretty quickly. We all know people who land in both camps. There are people who are looking to complain about anything on any given day and those who may complain a little and then put their head down to get to work. The rarest people we find are those who take everything in stride, nothing really seems to bother them and they go about their life as if everything is perfect.

One of my goals is to become one of these people. I think (hope) I have moved from the first person who just looks for something to complain about to the person who complains about some things, but not other things they would have complained about in the past. I try to take things less personally. If someone does something to make my life or work harder, I will remind myself they aren't doing it on purpose and just do what needs to be done.  I would like to get to a point where I just don't get frustrated, just roll with the punches and don't let these things bother me.

I know very few of us get to this point completely, but the more we can approach it, the better off we will be. As we work to approach this point, we can help the people around us become more positive. We just have to be careful the negative people do not pull us in their direction. It can be tough to remain positive around people who are constantly negative, but it is possible. For many of us, being positive takes work. Our society glorifies negativity, through the news and talk radio and television, nearly everything we hear or see is about how things aren't working well.

We just have do what we can to focus on the positive things happening in our life and in the world around us. Slow down and enjoy a beautiful spring day. Spend a little time every day thinking about what you are grateful for. Start a habit of writing down three good things that happen each day (or shares these things with your family at dinner). Start expressing gratitude to the people around you. Smile more. Exercise a little more. Read more. Turn off the television and experience life more. When you start to feel negative, smile and think about things that make you happy. Catch yourself when you are complaining and think about how you feel when you do it. If all of us just focus a little on being more positive each day, think about how much different this world could be. What do we have to do to get there?

The Past

We have all done things in our past we are not proud of. We were all young and dumb at some point in time. If you are anything like me, these experiences will pop into your mind every now and again and remind you just how dumb you were.

It's time to stop letting the past come back to haunt us. Yes, we should learn from our previous mistakes, but we need to let go of them. They serve no purpose and we can't go back and change the things we have done. We can atone for them now (if others were involved), but we do not have to let our mind relive the experience over and over again. We have to let go of the emotions involved, put to use any knowledge and continue on with our life.

To do the things we all claim we want to do, we have to be in the present. Letting our mind constantly drift to the past, both to the good and the bad, robs us of the ability to be active in the present. We have amazing gifts to offer the world, every one of us, but we have to create them. We can't do this if we are constantly wishing we had done something differently or if we are constantly wishing things would go back to the way they were. For better or worse, we have this moment, right now, to do the things we want to do. Instead of living inside a fictional world of how things were, become alive now.