Love The Now

Too often, many of us get stuck and start wondering if we are doing what we are "supposed" to be doing. We wonder why we aren't happier. We start to question decisions we have made and the path we are on. Looking around, we only see people who are doing amazing things. We believe everyone else has their act together and knows exactly what they want and how to get there.

You are not alone in wondering what if. From time to time, everyone questions what they are doing and searches to see if there is a way to be happier doing something else. It's okay to question. It's okay to look around and wonder. It's okay to be human. Just don't let the questioning and wondering bring you down. Use them as a motivator and not fodder for depression.

Everyone wants to do what they love to do. Most of us don't really know what that is. It's not always about finding it, but enjoying the search. Unless you are really lucky, you have to continue doing other things while you look. Find ways to love these other things, too.

We are going to spend the rest of our lives searching for that something better, but we can't get so lost in the searching that we don't allow ourselves to enjoy the now. I have to constantly remind myself to enjoy the now. It's so easy to get caught up in what may happen tomorrow or next year, that I ignore today. When this happens, I get into a funk that is really hard to shake.

The questioning and wondering and searching shouldn't pull us down, but should build us up. Don't beat yourself up for searching and wondering, but be sure to find things you love with what you have today while you do. We're all going to search and wonder and question, but only a few of us will figure out how to do this in a positive way...wouldn't you like to be one of them?

Negative People

This can be really hard. We all have friends, family or coworkers who are negative and always seem to pull us down when we least expect it. We have to get better at ignoring them. We are only capable of doing what we believe we can do and negativity causes us to aim low. The more negative people you find around you, the lower you will aim.

This life is going to be difficult enough without them. We are going to have challenges and difficulties and problems, but we don't want to add to these because of the people in our life. If you look around and realize you may be one of the negative people, work on changing your outlook. Coach, don't criticize. Motivate, don't complain. Come up with new ideas, don't point out how everything won't work. Figure out what can still be done, don't point out what you already did.

 If people are unable or unwilling to be more positive, then you need to cut them out of your life. This can be really difficult as it may mean spending less time with family, quitting a job or moving on from someone you care about. The negative people only serve to hold you back. Once you find more positive people, you will see how their attitudes and behaviors help to lift you up.

There will be times in this life where we have to make some difficult choices...what's important to you?

Positive vs. Negative

Sometimes, I just feel as if my best isn't good enough. I can't do the work as well as I would like. I can't express my thoughts in writing as succinctly as I hoped. I'm not smart enough. I'm not a good leader. I can't manage people. I have doubts and fears and I let them overtake my life. I wish I could be more and do more, but I can't find the motivation to do anything.

While we all feel this way from time to time, none of these thoughts are helpful. In fact, all of these thoughts are harmful. These thoughts cause people to be depressed. These thoughts urge people to escape with drugs and alcohol. These thoughts cause people to quit doing what they love to do. These thoughts stop people from making their life better, because they listen to the voice saying they are not good enough. These thoughts tear us down and leave us feeling overwhelmed and worthless.

Sooner or later, we have to grow tired of allowing negative thoughts to control our life. We have to stop listening to them and letting them tear us down. We have to do things for us and our way. We have to believe we can do anything. We can be more and we can do more, we just have to do the work. Ignore the doubts. Ignore the fears. Instead of allowing these thoughts to creep in, we have to become our own best cheerleader

By doing this, we can be more present in the now. We can stop letting other people frustrate us. We can stop doubting our abilities. We can stop worrying about/fearing things to come. We can stop dwelling on things that happened in the past. By paying attention to our thoughts as we have them, we can stop listening to the negative thoughts and consciously replace them with positive thoughts. Over time, if we continue to work on this, the negative thoughts will start to decrease and will automatically be replaced with positive thoughts.

This doesn't mean life will become all unicorns and rainbows. There will still be challenges and difficulties and negative times, but more and more of our time will be spent thinking positively. As we become a more positive person, the feelings of inadequacy will lessen. We may not do everything we wish we were able to do, but we will be giving our best and will know it is all we can do. Will life be any easier? Probably not, but it will be more fun and fulfilling. It all starts with recognizing our negative thoughts and consciously replacing them with positive.

I don't know about you, but I am tired of the negative thoughts and feelings. I am tired letting my own thoughts hold me back. I am tired of allowing my mind to tear me down. It's time to take our thoughts back and become the people we are meant to be. Let's start today...it's time to ignore the doubts and fears while replacing them with positive thoughts. Will you give it a shot?

Change Your Thoughts

Simple enough, eh? This advice is anything but simple to institute in your life. It is something you have to constantly work at, but will make all the difference. Your thoughts control your world. The way you view yourself, other people, the things happening around you, really everything, controls the world in which you live.

Everything you will ever do starts with thoughts. If you want to live a positive, happy life, then you have to start with positive, happy thoughts. The more you dwell on the negatives, the more unhappy you will be. It looks simple from the outside, but you have to constantly remind yourself to not dwell on the negative things that happen (or at least what you currently view as the negative things). You will never change the world for the better until you change your thoughts for the better. 

Choose to be happy. Choose to believe in yourself. Choose to laugh more. Choose to see the best in the people around you. Choose to view the "negative" occurrences as nothing more than challenges. Choose to chase your dreams. Choose to cultivate a passion in what you do. Choose to push forward. Choose to learn something new every day. Choose to be open to change. Choose to embrace the world around you. Choose to find the positive in everything.Choose to make your world one in which you are excited each morning and exhausted each night. 

You have power to change your world. What choices will you make?

The Choice is Yours

How many people do you know who truly love the work they do? How many of us jump out of bed each morning excited to get to work? When you think about it, what do you want to do, but are terrified to try?

The truth is, most people stumble through their lives doing work they can tolerate, but don't really enjoy. They can come up with tons of other things they would rather be doing, but convince themselves they can't actually do what they really want to do. They don't think it is possible or they don't see a way to partner their "passion" with work. It's not because it is impossible...sometimes they just have to be creative. They feel stuck, but are doing nothing to get unstuck. These folks have tons of excuses for why they aren't doing something else, but the real reason is they won't try.

Many other people are doing work they could be passionate about and love, but they won't let themselves. They convince themselves there is something better out there and don't put everything they can into the work they are doing. They fail to see the amazing things they do or could do. They have the "grass is always greener" view and don't realize what they have in front of them. I know these people are out there because I have been one through most of my life. I always think there is something else out there that would bring the happiness I so desire, but don't do everything in my power to make what I am doing into this.

It's all about how you look at things and how you classify the work you do. Don't dwell on the negative aspects of the work...there are negatives in every job. Think instead about the great things you do. Focus on how you help people or create new things or do things others don't. Focus on the good aspects of the job. If you can't find any good aspects, then do something else. You don't have to be stuck if you don't allow yourself to be.

The secret about happiness most people don't realize is that our level of happiness is decided by us. You choose how happy or unhappy you are. You can focus on the negative aspects of anything and this will lead to a more negative life. Instead, if you look for the positives, you will feel better. If you continue to trudge through life thinking about how things could be better if, you are never going to be happy with what you do. Instead, if you focus on the good in what you have, you are going to be happier and able to achieve more. It's all in how you look at the things you have.

It's up to you. That's the good and the bad with being enthusiastic, passionate and happy. You can make things better, but if you don't, the only person you have to blame is you. Would you rather focus on what you have or what you don't have? When you go to bed tomorrow, would you rather think about all you did to make the day great or think about all the things you hate about what you do? You are the only one who can control the way you think about your life. Which choice will you make?

Perception

It's all about perception. If we go through life looking for or expecting the bad, we are going to see the bad more than the good. If instead, we go through life looking for or expecting the good, we are going to be more attuned to the good around us.

Everyone has bad days. Things are not always going to be perfect. Things will go wrong. People will disappoint us. We will make mistakes. From time to time, we will lose. But, things are only as bad as we allow them to be. Though it may be very hard to see and it may not be clear right away, there are positives in every situation. We just have to look for them.

This doesn't mean we can't be sad. We just can't dwell in sorrow. Get it out and then move on. When we strive to look for the positive in life, it is easier to leave the embrace of despair and continue on with our life and see the good in the world around us. Positivity breeds positivity, so start looking for the good in the world today. The more you look now, the easier it will be when times get really tough.

This may be difficult for you at first, but if you keep trying, it becomes easier and easier to see the good. Strive to find something good in every day and see if this changes your outlook. We all deserve to be more positive...for some of us, it just takes a little work.

Assertive

as-ser-tive: disposed to or characterized by bold or confident statements and behavior

I was recently told I needed to be more assertive. Many of us would do well if we were a little more assertive. Being assertive can help us along our path to becoming more positive and happy. As we work to become more assertive, we also need to work at accepting the assertiveness of others.

Many of us do not do well with criticism of any kind, be it constructive or not. We are a little better at this in our professional lives as we often see it as separate from our "real" lives and are used to some criticism now and again. We take it a little better and we move on (sometimes). Some of us have been lucky enough to have bosses who are good at giving feedback in a way that is less painful, but I am sure we have all had some bosses who have no idea how to give constructive feedback and even the smallest comment makes us feel like shit. Deep down, we know the feedback can usually be used to help make us a better employee (at least within the company we are in). Many times, the delivery makes this feedback a really hard pill to swallow.

When it comes to feedback in our personal lives, it is usually a little different. We all know people who will take one thing said to them and latch on, bringing it up again and again in conversation, sometimes years later. This could be a little comment that was an attempt to help them, but gets blown out of proportion. Some of us reading this have probably done it from time to time. But, if we really have relationships with people, we have to be able to be more assertive with them and we have to be better at taking comments when they are assertive with us.

Basically, we have to stop taking things personally all the time. If someone you respect tells you that you aren't pulling your weight or need to do something different or better, try to refrain from the frustration you automatically want to feel. Instead, breath and think about whether they are right. We will often not see things other people can see and should listen to them instead of taking it as a personal affront. We are going to grow more if we can keep our minds open instead of allowing them to close in frustration.

The more we can tell other people what we want and need, the easier it will be to find happiness and positivity along our path. The more we can listen and respond to others wants, needs and advice without taking them personally, the better off we will be. In the end, we all need to be a bit more assertive with each other, but we also have to become better at accepting assertiveness in return.

Quest for Positivity

We can often lose sight of the beauty around us, if we fail to look beyond ourself.

I have a secret to tell you. I am a cynical person. This used to be something I wore as a badge of honor. I was grumpy and sarcastic. I told people I was a realist and it was better if you didn't get your hopes up. If you expect the worst and it happens, then you are prepared. If you expect the worst and something better happens, then you are all the more happy because you didn't expect it.

Logically, this seems to make sense, but in reality, it doesn't work this way. In reality, I was full of shit. If you go around always expecting the worst, you have a really hard time enjoying anything good that happens. When you expect the worst, you focus on the worst things around you. This keeps you from seeing the beauty surrounding you every day.

One of the drivers of this blog is my quest to become more positive. A lot of my posts are deeply personal, even if they may not seem it. I will often write advice I need to take in my own life and have found it is easier for me to listen to it if I am directing it at other people, even if I never know who you are. We all need to be challenged in life and I only hope you find some inspiration or wisdom from these writings.

As for my quest to become more positive, I have started by recognizing my negative thoughts. I know I don't recognize them all, but I have become better at seeing them. I have also started working on not taking things personally. This is a hard one for me as I am also a bit of a perfectionist and have been search early childhood. I want things to go well and when they do not, I become frustrated. I become frustrated with people who make things more difficult, even though they are only doing what they think is right. By taking their actions personally, I blow things up to much bigger problems than they really need to be.

I know I will continue this quest for many years to come as I think we should all strive to improve every day of our life. Once we become complacent, things start to slide backwards. We have the most power over our own minds and emotions, even if we don't always wield the control well. As I learn things and as I make mistakes, I will continue to share with you thoughts, ideas and any wisdom I come across. With a little help and a lot of work, we may just make this world (and our own world) a little better. If not, at least we can say we gave it our best shot.

Think Positive

I have spent much of my life telling people I was a realist. Truth be known, I have actually spent much of my life as a pessimist. I always expected the worst to happen, the other shoe to drop or things to get messed up. I looked for, and by consequence often found, the things that would continue to fuel this pessimism.

I would tell people that it was better to expect the worst for if it happened, you would be prepared. If something better happened, then you would be all the more happy because you were expecting the worst. It doesn't really work this way. When you expect the worst, you put in less than your best because you don't think you can do it. Why do your best if your best isn't going to change the outcome? Most of us won't. When we expect the worst thing to happen, we convince our mind it will and steal our ability to do great things. By expecting the worst, you also limit the amount of happiness you experience each day. It's hard to be upbeat and happy if you are always waiting for something bad to happen.

If we attack life with a positive outlook, things can be so much different. When we know, not just think, we can do anything, we are more likely to do whatever it takes to make things work. We expect things to work and will put in our best to make it so. When they don't, we are more likely to figure out what went wrong and try again instead of throwing up our hands and saying I knew it wouldn't work. When we expect good things to happen, we spend more time being upbeat and happy, which allows us to roll with the punches and deal with things when they go wrong. It's a cycle that always ends with us being positive and doing our best work.

For many of us, it isn't always easy to come at life from a positive outlook, especially if we have been pessimistic in the past. We have to constantly remind ourselves to not be negative and focus on looking at the good around us instead of the bad. We have to actively work to not complain and try to remind the people around us to be more positive, too. It takes work and it doesn't happen over night, but if we remain conscious to our thoughts and actions, it is possible to move from being a pessimist to an optimist. It is definitely worth the work.

A Positive Outlook

The older I get, the faster time seems to fly by. When I look at the date, I have a hard time believing it is already 2012. It feels like only yesterday that I was still bright eyed and busy tailed, ready to take on the world. Today, I am probably a little too cynical and sarcastic, but I am still ready to take on the world and try to change it for the better.

As I get older, I have found it challenging to remain a positive person. After going through some struggles during the last handful of years, I have crossed a threshold on my path and have started to become more aware of my outlook and strive to remain positive as much as I can. As anyone who knows me will tell you, I am not all sunshine and rainbows, but I think I have a better outlook on life than I did even one year ago.

We all have control over the vibe we put off and most people can pick up on the positivity or negativity pretty quickly. We all know people who land in both camps. There are people who are looking to complain about anything on any given day and those who may complain a little and then put their head down to get to work. The rarest people we find are those who take everything in stride, nothing really seems to bother them and they go about their life as if everything is perfect.

One of my goals is to become one of these people. I think (hope) I have moved from the first person who just looks for something to complain about to the person who complains about some things, but not other things they would have complained about in the past. I try to take things less personally. If someone does something to make my life or work harder, I will remind myself they aren't doing it on purpose and just do what needs to be done.  I would like to get to a point where I just don't get frustrated, just roll with the punches and don't let these things bother me.

I know very few of us get to this point completely, but the more we can approach it, the better off we will be. As we work to approach this point, we can help the people around us become more positive. We just have to be careful the negative people do not pull us in their direction. It can be tough to remain positive around people who are constantly negative, but it is possible. For many of us, being positive takes work. Our society glorifies negativity, through the news and talk radio and television, nearly everything we hear or see is about how things aren't working well.

We just have do what we can to focus on the positive things happening in our life and in the world around us. Slow down and enjoy a beautiful spring day. Spend a little time every day thinking about what you are grateful for. Start a habit of writing down three good things that happen each day (or shares these things with your family at dinner). Start expressing gratitude to the people around you. Smile more. Exercise a little more. Read more. Turn off the television and experience life more. When you start to feel negative, smile and think about things that make you happy. Catch yourself when you are complaining and think about how you feel when you do it. If all of us just focus a little on being more positive each day, think about how much different this world could be. What do we have to do to get there?

Share a Smile

We all have the ability to change the world around us, if we choose to do it. We can struggle to come up with ideas and work to bring these ideas to fruition in hopes they will make a great impact. While we do this, we can also do little things each day to make the world a happier place.

Smile at one more stranger each day. Say please and thank you a little more. Hold the door for someone as they are entering or exiting a building. Make eye contact. Go out of your way to express your gratitude to a co-worker.

These may sound trivial, but it is the little things that add up to greatness. The person you made eye contact with and smiled at may just spread that smile to five more people who then spread it to five more who spread it on and on. Your coworker may have a better day because of your gratitude and may spread the thanks to the people who have helped them. 

Working in a positive environment is going to make you more creative, will give you the energy to accomplish more work and the quality of your work is going to be better.  When we are happy, the people around us tend to be happy. It's easier for us to be happy when the people around us are happy. We have to focus on doing the little things each day to help improve everyone's mood. After a little time doing this, you will notice it starts to come naturally. 

Start today. Share a smile and see if the world around you smiles back. 

Let It Go

Walking around with built-up bitterness is a recipe for disaster. When we feel slighted or screwed over by someone we will often hold resentment towards this person for years to come. We will constantly talk about how we really dislike them and will let others know how we were screwed over.

Everything the person does is viewed through a lens of negativity. We assume every decision is one based on malice and bad intent. We may even think that anything done now is still an attempt to one up us or make us look bad. Some of us will struggle the rest of our life trying to prove the other person wrong. 

The sad part is we can never, ever do our best work when we are doing it out of spite or in an attempt to show someone they were wrong about us. We can only do our best from a place of peace. Our motivation to do great work should not come from a place of negativity, like proving someone wrong. We will all do this from time to time, but when the past wrong constantly drives us, we will go nowhere good.

As hard as it sounds and as hard as it is to do, we have to let go of these negative emotions. They are doing nothing good for us and will only continue to bring us down. Yes, the person may have screwed us over. Yes, they might still be doing things in an effort to discredit us. Let them worry about the negativity they are bringing to their work. If this is really their goal, nothing good will come of their emotions, either. We have to be the bigger person and just let go. We should do the work we want to do and not worry what anyone else thinks, especially people we don’t like.

Bitterness can only be a driving force for so long. It feels like it is pushing us forward and helping accomplish things, but in the end, it will only lead to burnout and disappointment. Eliminate the bitterness and we will be able to find motivation from positive sources.

Think about why you do the work you do. There may be some bitter motivator, but for many of us, we do the work because we want to make a difference. We do things we are good at. We do things we love. We have a vested interest in what we do. In any case, the motivation behind your best work is always going to be positive motivation. Forget the past and move towards the future while living in the moment. Getting over the past isn’t going to happen overnight and is going to take time, but as we continue to work towards it, we will feel better.

There is nothing we can do to change what has happened and very little we can do to change people’s minds or attitudes. But, we can leave the game they are playing and play our own. No one says we have to get along with everyone. We have to live our life the way we see fit and there will be some people who just don’t figure in to it. Instead of letting them ruin your day, your week or longer, just move on with your life. Eliminate the bitterness and let the positive motivation allow us to do the best work we have inside.

Battling Negativity

I'll be the first to admit, some days it is just harder to attack the work with my best. It could be that I don't feel well or I am frustrated by something or someone or I am just out of sorts. On these days, I have to be extra sensitive to where my mind goes as it is very easy to become negative.

When any of us become negative in our thoughts, problems seem to compound. We start taking things personally, we are incapable of doing our best work and we often become more and more negative. When one thing goes wrong, we start seeing more and more things go wrong. When this happens, we have to instantly recognize it and work to pull ourselves out of this negative mindset.

Each person has their own ways of trying to eliminate the negativity as they feel it creep steadily in. Some people will meditate, some people exercise, some people just move around for a while, some people do breathing exercises, some people find ways to laugh and some people will do any number of other things. What works for you when you start to feel the negativity taking hold?

Great Days

No matter what you do, some days it is just hard to get out of bed. On days like this, what do you tell yourself as you struggle to begin the day?

We all have ups and downs. Everyone has good days and bad days. At some point, we all struggle to get up and begin the day. What you tell yourself on these days is what matters. If you start the day with negative thoughts and voice the fears you have for the day, most likely your day is going to be bad. Instead, remind yourself that today is going to be a great day, nothing can stop you and there is nothing to fear. Start the day on a positive note and see how differently you view what happens.

Today is going to be a great day. If you just take a few seconds to remember this, it will make all the difference. Try it and see what happens.

Positivity Breeds Positivity

In this hectic world, it is very easy to become frustrated and negative very quickly each day. One thing can go wrong (the alarm doesn't go off, you're running late, the car doesn't start) and this throws us in to a tailspin of negative thoughts and frustration. This happens to everyone and once we are in this negative mindset, it can be really hard to pull ourselves out. Negativity breeds negativity. Once our mind is focused on the negative, we see it everywhere. One simple occurrence in the morning can ruin our entire day.

I have found a way to combat this and it sometimes works really well. When I start to get frustrated with something happening, I pause, take a few deep breaths, close my eyes and imagine something good. I think about my fiancee or my family or something funny that happened the day before. I try to pull myself out of the funk before it grabs hold. The interesting thing I have learned is positivity breeds positivity, too. If I can catch it soon enough or if I can focus on something positive each morning, I have better days. When I don't, I tend to have negative days. By knowing this, I can work towards having more good days than bad. As with everything we do, it takes work.