What Matters

It's been a little while since I have written anything. Two weeks ago, I married an amazing woman and we spent our honeymoon in Cahuita, Costa Rica. Today is the first day back in the "real world" and I wish I could say I was excited, but trading the beautiful beaches and amazing weather in Cahuita for the chilly autumn air in Missouri hasn't been the easiest transition.

While I was away, I realized how much I care about things that really don't matter and I don't spend enough time on the things that do matter. We all get so caught up in the day to day life of jobs and worry and stress that we often forget to slow down and enjoy the life we are living. We get up every morning to go to a job that doesn't matter as much as we think it does, do some work (not nearly as much as we could) and then come home, often sitting in front of the television for hours on end.

While doing this, we constantly worry about things that don't matter or we don't have any control over and we allow little things that happen to frustrate us and ruin our mood. We do this day after day. Why? We convince ourselves it's all about the money we make and need (mostly to buy shit we don't really want or need) or the prestige of having the job title we have (or want) or because the work we do matters or because it's what society expects us to do as adults.

I'm not here to say you have to quit your job and do something else or make massive changes in your life. I'm saying we need to take stock of our lives and stop worrying about things that don't matter. We need to stop worrying about things over which we have no control. We need to stop allowing stupid little things to frustrate us all the time. We need to spend more time doing things that really matter to us...spend quality time with the people we love. Spend less time at work and more time taking a break and recharging the batteries you need to do a good job. Don't worry about having so much stuff...I know it is the way of our society, but do you really need that much?

Take a step back, slow down and figure out what really matters the most to you. Then, figure out how to do it more. This doesn't mean you have to make a massive overhaul to your life...it only means you need to realign your priorities. Our lives don't have to be filled with worries and stress and fears and frustrations. We can make the choice to live a different life. What's stopping you?

Kennedy

Kennedy originally came in to the shelter as a young dog and hated me. Every time I would walk by her kennel, she would lunge at me and I wondered if we were ever going to be able to get her adopted. Luckily, she found a home. She had this home until she was diagnosed with Addison's Disease and became a burden to the family who adopted her. As soon as she walked back in to the shelter, she laid her head in my lap and I was in love.

The night I took her home, she played non-stop with my other dog, Atticus, for four hours (and would have kept going if I hadn't separated them so I could get some sleep). She never left. On Wednesday, Kennedy left this world and I lost an amazing canine companion. She was a little like me in she loved every other dog she ever met, but was very picky with the people she trusted and felt comfortable around. If she trusted you, she was the sweetest, most easy-going, most loving dog you would ever meet.

Honestly, right now I feel like I have this giant empty spot in my heart. Some of you might be reading this thinking I am crazy because I am talking about a dog, but the animals in my life are part of my family. Kennedy was a beautiful dog who was with me through the ups and downs of my life for the past four years. She had been though a lot of change and was a constant, faithful companion. Just thinking about her and writing this hurts. It makes me wish I would have had longer with her. It makes me wish I would have cherished the time we had a bit more. It makes me wish I could have been more prepared.

When I adopted Kennedy, I knew she wasn't going to have the longest life. I knew she was going to have struggles and I knew it was going to be hard. Knowing all of these things doesn't make it any easier at the end. But, as much sadness as I feel now, I would go back and do it all over again. My time with Kennedy has shown me we can't take anything for granted. It has shown me the little things we let bother us because we think they matter, really don't. This all has shown me we are going to hurt, but insulating ourselves from the pain would be even worse. It has shown me we need to be more cognizant of the time we do have.

If I would have not brought Kennedy in to my life, I wouldn't feel this sadness right now. But, I would have never had the great times I had with her. On the day she came back in and laid her head in my lap, I knew this day would come. I didn't realize then how much this would hurt, but I also didn't realize how much I would love her. She stood by me when others didn't. She put up with me when I drank too much. She was there when I finally quit. She loved Leila from the instant Leila came into our lives and our home. She showed me love, when I didn't feel as if I deserved it.

Life is short and precious. We have to stop spending our days doing things we think society wants us to do or what we think we have to do and instead do what we need to do. It's easy to get caught up in the drama that is daily life, but what good does it do? It doesn't help us to cherish what we should be cherishing and living life the way we should. There is always going to be loss. There is always going to be death. We are going to feel sadness and pain at times through life. How we live our life in the other times is what really matters. Make moments that matter.

Kennedy was a great companion and came in to my life when I really needed one. She was a big part of our home (figuratively and literally) and she will be missed more than I can express.

Toil

Getting what you want and where you want takes hard work and time. There are no shortcuts and no get rich quick schemes along the path.

If you want to do what you dream, you will shed blood, sweat and tears. You will toil along and may want to quit multiple times along the way. You will have doubts. But, if you see it through to the end, you will be happy you did. Do you want to put in the work?

It Takes Work

Some mornings, when I sit to write a blog post, the words come pouring out of my fingers and I have no problems coming up with something to say. Other days, like today, I can sit and think and struggle with the words and thoughts and not know what I am going to write. Either way, I open up this blog and sit with my fingers poised above the keyboard and put in the time to do the work. I love to write and I am thrilled when people respond to or share my musings with others.

Like everyone else, I have my doubts. Many times, I have wondered if I should continue to write on this blog, even though I have only been doing this for a short period of time. I wonder if anyone would notice if I quit writing, if anyone would really care. We all go through periods wondering if what we do is really worth the time. We really are our own worst critic. We doubt and then we feel the fear and then we quit. I know I have followed this path more than I would ever care to admit. We start doing something we love and want to do. After a while, we realize what we love and want to do takes work and we may not be as good at it as we want.

I know this blog doesn't produce a ton of traffic. I know there are many other blogs with better writing, better thoughts and a better style. There is a very, very good possibility I will never have the best blog on the web. Hell, there is a good possibility I will never have a great blog. While I would love to have either or both of these (who wouldn't?), I write because I love to write. I blog because I love to blog. I put thoughts out in to the world to see if someone else can grab hold of them and make them better. Maybe some of the things I write will help people in their struggle towards their goals. Maybe people will love what they read and keep coming back to read more. As I continue to write, I know I will get better. I know I have to put in the work. I know each morning I will sit with my fingers over the keyboard and wait for the words to come pouring out. I hope this blog will help others. Even if it doesn't, I know it has helped me.