Life Is What You Make It

I have been thinking about the idea of life is what you make it. I know we often talk about being in control or taking control of your life or doing what you love or anything of the sort, but how often do we really do any of these things? How often do we actually take control of our life instead of reacting to the stimuli constantly occurring around us? How often do we head in the direction we want, instead of following the path the winds are blowing us towards?

Some things are out of our control and it is important to make the best out of what happens around us (and to us). You may lose a job or a relationship will end or a manuscript will be rejected or you will be passed over for a promotion or any number of bad things that can happen to you. Don't dwell on the bad things when they happen. We've all heard the sayings: "there's more than one fish in the sea" or "when a door closes a window opens" or "everything happens for a reason". While we all know these are true, we have to do whatever we can to really make the best out of things that happen.

There are times, though, when you just can't make the best out of what happens. Instead of falling into an abyss of depression, sometimes you just have to shake your fist (often with your middle finger extended) to the heavens and use the anger as the fuel to learn as much as you can, pick yourself up and move forward. Not everything is going to work out in the end. That's perfectly normal and okay, no matter how many people mention a cute, little quote like the ones above. Sometimes shit just happens and we have to continue to get up in the morning and live life. We don't have to make the best out of these situations, but we do have to keep moving forward doing the best we can.

It would be great if someone could just give us a shortcut on making life exactly what we want it to be. We look around and we see people who seemingly are living the life they want and we just want to know how to get there. The real answer and the one most people don't want to hear is they worked their ass off. Yes, they may have had some lucky breaks along the way, but they still worked their assess off. I know, it's not the answer I wanted either. I was hoping for an easy way too...but everything you really want is going to take a lot of hard work. There really aren't any shortcuts on this journey, unless you don't really care about the outcome.

As you are trying to make your life what you want, remember no one really has all the answers. If they act like they do (or actually think they do), they are going to do more harm than good. You can read tons of books or listen to people speak or subscribe to all the self-help blogs and podcasts out here, but you are never going to find all the answers externally. Part of life being what you make it is knowing what you want with your life. Other people have their own agendas and ideas that probably don't mesh with yours. The only way to get all the "answers" from other people is to give up your own ideas. No matter how you spin it, this sounds a little too cultish to me (and trust me from experience, no matter how smart or well-known a leader is, they aren't going to be right about everything).

This life is what you make it. The good, the bad, the happy, the sad, the anger, the joy...everything rolled into one. While we are never going to have control over everything that happens, we do have control over ourselves. We can react to the things that happen and we can work towards the things we want to happen. We can fight. We can get angry. We can work our asses off. We can get lucky from time to time. We can have things ripped from our grasp. We can try to make the best of the shitty things that happen. We can just dust ourselves off and push forward when the really shitty things happen. We can curse the gods. We can thank the heavens. We can learn and dream and hope and pray. We just can't stop trying.

Get Good At Discomfort

As I was reading one of the blogs I follow, I came across this quote: "Get good at discomfort. Avoiding discomfort is very common, but a big mistake. Learning to be OK with some discomfort will change your life." The idea of learning to be okay with discomfort has stuck in my mind and I know we would all be better off if we followed this advice.

I look at my own life and think about the times I have kept going, despite discomfort. Hell, I can think about my morning run today and my mind screaming at me to stop, even though I was just a few minutes in. I was able to quiet it down and keep going, but the voice popped up again about 2 miles into the run. I have a love/hate relationship with running and feel the discomfort each and every time I hit the street. I don't let it stop me. I know I am going to feel it and keep on going.

Many times, we shirk away from things that make us uncomfortable or feel discomfort. We don't have the difficult conversations. We don't speak up for our ideas. We don't try new things. We don't set goals and stick to them. We don't exercise as much as we want or should. We don't go to new places. We don't strike up conversations with strangers. We don't ask for help. We don't push ourselves as hard as we could. We don't chase our dreams.

We don't do a lot of things because we might feel some distress or mild pain. We choose to stay where we are and avoid discomfort at all costs. Does this make any sense to you? Look at your life and any accomplishment of which you are proud. Did it come without discomfort? Were the great things in life the easy to accomplish?

Get good at discomfort. Hell, for the next couple of weeks, go out of your way to do things that bring discomfort. Feel some distress and mild pain and see how easy it is to keep going. Don't listen to the voice telling you to stop and keep on pushing. You are never going to know what you are capable of accomplishing until you push further than you thought possible.

Discomfort is good...when you feel it, you know you are trying. Stop avoiding it.

Never Stop Trying

The great thing is we get another chance each and every day. We may not get everything right every time we try, but we don't fail until we no longer try. Too many times, many think if they don't get it right the first time, then they have failed. This just isn't the case...no one is perfect. We won't get it right the first time, every time. When things don't work, we just have to get up and try again.

It's up to you. You are the only person who controls what you do. Will you keep pushing forward? Will you keep chasing you dreams? Will you blaze your own path? Will you do whatever it takes? Will you believe in yourself? Will you keep trying? You never fail until you stop trying. Never stop trying.

Begin it now

I know I write about this a lot, but I came across this quote attributed to Johann Wolfgang van Goethe recently and no matter who actually wrote it, this gets the point across. 

No matter what you want to do, start doing it. If you are terrible, then you are terrible, but practicing is what will make you good. If you are scared, good. The things we are most scared of are usually the things we should be doing. If you don't know if it is right, then try it. How will you ever know unless you try? What if you fail? Then you try again. 

We spend so much time thinking about whether or not we should do something that we make starting the hardest part. Stop thinking so much and just get started. Starting doesn't mean the world is going to be figured out or that you have to keep doing it the rest of your life. Starting just means you have taken the first step...you have gotten past the hesitancy and you have begun. Starting is neither the end of the world or the change you have been waiting for. 

Starting is the first step (of many) down the path you want to follow. Just like every other path you have followed in life, there will be many other branching paths you can take as you move along it. Starting doesn't decide everything; it just gets your ass in gear. Starting doesn't commit you to anything, it just allows you to move forward. Stop standing still hoping change will come to you. Whatever it is you want to do, begin today. No more hesitation, no more fear, no more over-thinking...just start.  

Start Moving

For a lot of people, the scariest question anyone can ask is "what do you really want to do?". We have so many things we would like to try and yet, we don't know which to do. We worry about failure and not actually liking what we choose and if we are going to be good enough and what the future will bring if we choose this but not that.

We hesitate and end up defaulting to what we are doing without really making a choice. There is no moving forward and we continue to bitch and moan about how we aren't happy or we aren't doing something we are passionate about. Making a choice is hard. Changing our trajectory in life is even harder. Doing nothing new is easy and takes little effort, but it doesn't lead to anything better. When this happens, the only person we can blame is ourself.

Spend some time today thinking about what you want to do. It can be within the job you have now. If you could do anything within your company, what would it be? If you don't see anything within your company, start looking outside of it. Find something you want to try and then do it. You don't have to know what will lead you to happiness, you only have to know what you want to try. If you don't like it, then you find something else to try. Keep searching and changing and doing new things. Don't be afraid of the future that will unfold based on your choices...if you are bored or unhappy now, it will be better than where you are.

Not making a choice helps no one. Once you become frustrated or bored, you are no longer able to do great work. Yes, you can get by, but who are you really helping? You don't have to know what you want to do for the rest of your life. All you need to know is what things you would like to try. No one knows exactly what the future will bring, but if you have ideas, you are already ahead of many of us. If you start acting on these ideas, you will be doing something many of us only talk about. 

Really think about this. What do you really want to do? This shouldn't be a scary question, but a question your have multiple answers for and are excited to answer. We shouldn't paralyzed, but instead should jump at any opportunity to continue moving forward. Yes, you may end up thinking you would have liked it better if you didn't make the change, but this should only be a fleeting thought before deciding it is time to move forward again. Keep pushing ever forward and trying new things.

If you have been reading this blog and continue to come back, my guess is you are not the type of person who is going to stick with the same job for the rest of your life. We live in an age where most people will not stay with the same company for their career and then retire. We are doing something new and different, something our parents and their parents wouldn't understand. We are searching for what will make us feel good. We are searching for the niche where we will be able to do the most good. We are constantly changing and moving around and trying new things. We have multiple interests and talents and want to try them all out. The world is constantly changing around us and we need to change with it.

What do you really want to do? Instead of freezing when asked this question, spend enough time thinking about it to come up with multiple answers. We only get one shot at life, shouldn't we give it everything we've got? No excuses. No hesitation. Start moving.

Try not!

A wise, green, little Jedi master once uttered the words, "Do or do not, there is not try." While many people will smirk at the reference, these are great words to live by.

Commit to something. Trying, in itself, includes hesitancy. By "trying" you are already admitting this may not work and giving yourself a way out when it doesn't. With this net, you will not give your all and you are already planning the excuses when it doesn't. If you go into something believing there is a good possibility of it not working out, you are setting yourself up for it not to work. Trying is the easy way out. You can throw up your hands after giving 50% and say "I tried". Trying doesn't push you to accomplish anything.

Do it. Whatever you want to try, instead convince yourself you are going to do it. If you want to try to run a mile, instead say to yourself you are going to run a mile. By doing, you are not allowing your mind a way out. You are not giving in before you start as there is no hesitancy. There is no easy way out. When you commit to doing anything, you are going to work your ass off to make sure it happens. You still may not succeed, but you are going to give 100% to get it done. If it doesn't work, then it doesn't work. At least you will know that you did everything possible to do it.

Elimante try from your vocabulary. More importantly, eliminate try from your mind. When you want something, commit to doing it. Don't give yourself an out. Don't lose before your even start. Either commit or don't, the choice is yours, but quit hiding behind try. Once you start believing in yourself and commit to doing, your will start accomplishing the things you set out to do.

Anything is Possible

The only things you can not do are those you believe you can't.

Impossible must be removed from your vocabulary. Have faith that you can do anything. Believe in yourself. Do what everyone else thinks is impossible. Be bold. Be daring. Anything is possible, all you have to do is try.

100

Welcome to post 100! When I started here, I wasn't too sure what it was going to be or if I would continue with it. For a while, I stopped posting to it at all and went with a Tumblr blog as I was usually just reposting other people's thoughts and insights. It took a while, but this fall, I wanted to see if I had anything of my own to say. Writing here became a habit and the last fifty-some posts have been in the same number of days. I haven't missed a day since late October and for me, this is quite an accomplishment.

I think writing, but especially blogging, is a somewhat selfish act. The act of grabbing the thoughts flowing through my head and getting them on paper is a type of meditation for me (hence the title of this blog). I write because I feel better when I write. I write because it allows me to work through things and see ideas I wouldn't be able to see if they were just traveling as figments of my imagination. I write because I love to write. I love knowing people are reading what I have to write and this helps to keep fuel in the tanks and allows me to write more. Many of the posts you will find here are deeply personal and many of the topic points are things I struggle with in my life. Writing this blog is a cathartic act, but I hope any readers will walk away with their own ideas or thoughts or musings, too.

I wish I could give you all the answers to life. I wish I could tell you how to always ignore fear or find fulfillment or find happiness or do the work or think for yourself or stand up for yourself or be better than you can dream or do something amazing. What I have realized in writing this blog is no one really has the answers. No one can give you a blueprint for your life. No one can tell you which path to follow or even how to find a path to follow. We are all in this together. We are all spinning round and just trying to do the best we can. We all fear and hope and dream and wish. We all want to be great. We all want to do something important. We all want to take the first step to the rest of our life. We all want to do more. If any of the posts I have written have helped to make you think or dream or hope or try, then I have done more than I could ever wish.

Whatever happens, I will continue to write. I will continue to put my thoughts on paper and will share them with the world. In this blog, you are going to find conflicting arguments and probably ideas that don't make sense. I just hope you can find something of value in all these ramblings. If you do, share them. If you like this blog, share it with others. If you don't like it, then I thank you for stopping by and wish you the best of luck in all your future endeavors. Go out and live life with passion and abandon. We only get to try this once, let's make lasting memories and leave knowing we did the best we could.