Who are you?

Who are you? Who are you really? Many of us have so many personae that we have forgotten who we actually are. (I have told people for years that I am an asshole and I don't really care what people think of me.) We're afraid to show our true identities to the people around us. Why is this? Part of it is because we don't trust the people around us, at least not fully, and part of it is because we afraid of what these people will think of the true us (and I am sure there are other parts to the problem).

We want to fit in. We want to be a part of the "cool crowd." We want to be a leader or a manager or an artist or a gatekeeper or a star or a writer or anything else we can think of. We want to easily fit into a slot that any of these names will fit, even if it isn't who we are truly meant to be. We want people to understand us and respect us for who we are, even if we aren't really showing them who this is. We want to be just like them.

Our education systems drove out any and all individuality and creativity we had. If any small amount somehow survived school, it was quickly squashed during our first job. We're afraid to be an outlier. We're afraid to stand out. We're afraid of being labeled as different or strange or weird. This is all normal. These fears have been pounded into our heads for as long as we can remember. We know what it feels like to be bullied. While our fears make sense, they are holding us back from doing what we really want to do and what we are capable of doing.

No matter what we say or think we believe, there is always going to be a part of us that cares what other people think of us. What we fail to realize is there are always going to be people who like who we are and what we offer and those who hate who we are and what we have to offer. If this is going to be the case, wouldn't it be better to be true to who we are? We don't have to fit in with the "in" crowd. We can find our own crowd or start our own crowd.

You don't have to hide who you are. If people don't like you, that's their problem. It's okay to believe in yourself. It's okay to be a little arrogant. It's okay to have an ego. It's okay to believe your are right. If you are being true to yourself, then you are right. If the people around you don't agree, then oh well. Why should you care? There is never going to be just one right answer...your right isn't always theirs and their right isn't always yours.

Be you. Believe in this you. Stand up and speak loudly about anything you want to stand up and speak loudly about. Have opinions and share them. We're not going to create anything amazing by fitting in, following the crowd and not questioning things happening around us. Creativity doesn't come from being comfortable and always being true to yourself is usually uncomfortable.

Be proudly you. Be loudly you. Be you, not the one person other people think you should be. Speak your mind. Solve the problems in ways you think will work best, even if they are problems no one else sees. If you want a different outcome, then do things differently. Stop fearing being different or strange or unique or loud or weird or angry or happy or anything else you fear about yourself. Give this world you.

It's going to be scary. It will probably be hard. You are going to make some people angry. You are going to make some people happy. You will be called names and you will be looked up to. You will be right and you will be wrong. Through it all, just be you.

Who are you?

We Are All Weird

Recently, I read We Are All Weird by Seth Godin. While this book focused a lot about marketing, I started to think a lot about people and how this really applies to them. Leila hates the term weird; she hates being called weird; she will never really embrace the word. I love the word. I revel in the fact that I am weird and I am not afraid to wear it as a badge. To me, weird is good. Normal is boring.

What would happen if people really started to embrace their weirdness. Would we have as much bullying in the world? I am sure there are always going to be the people who enjoy pushing around other people. I don’t see this ending any time soon. Could there be, should there be, more people standing up for each other? If more people were comfortable with their weirdness, would these people be more willing to stand up, to get involved when they see someone bullying?

I think about recent cases of young people committing suicide after being bullied-Jamey Rodemeyer, Phoebe Prince and Tyler Clementi. In some cases, the bullies don’t even stop after the suicide; they continue to be bullies towards the family and friends of the deceased. What goes through these people’s minds? Why do they feel they have the right and the duty to bully someone who is different and comfortable enough with their difference to announce to the world they are, in fact, different?

The thing is, we are all different. No two of us have the exact same beliefs, the exact same experiences, the exact same outlook on life...this is what makes our collaborations so impressive and important. We are all different...some of us choose to accept and embrace these differences, some of us choose to flaunt these differences by trying to be as different as possible and some of us choose to hide these differences, burying them away and trying to dress and act “normal”. 

Since we are all different, doesn’t it only make sense to be a little more accepting of other people’s differences? Everyone doesn’t have to get along, but we also don’t have to hate other people because they may have a different sexual orientation, skin color, religion, belief system, political party, favorite sports team or anything of the like. Are any of the above reasons to hate people or make their lives hell by bullying them?

If more people were comfortable being weird, would they be more likely to speak out if they see bullying? Would they be more comfortable standing up for those being bullied? The It Gets Better Project  is a great way to let people know that life isn’t always as hard, but the fact that we even have to do this project is sad. With young adults continuing to commit suicide from being bullied, shouldn’t we also be doing something to actively stop the bullying? Once one person takes their own life, kids will be kids is no longer a mantra we can stick to. 

Bullying has to stop. How do we go about doing this? Some people would like to see the parents held responsible in these cases. I agree that bullying may often start in the home and it is the parent’s responsibility to help raise their children to be civil, respectful teenagers and adults. Sometimes, I think it is more than some parents can do on their own. Since our education system needs some tweaking anyway, we need to find a way to make embracing and becoming comfortable with others differences a part of the curriculum.

There are always going to be parents who don’t want their children exposed to anyone “different” as is evidenced with the number of books banned by public school districts in this country. There are parents who don’t want their kids embracing others differences any more than they do. This shouldn’t stop us from doing what is right. Learning about people who may be “different” is one of the first steps towards being accepted. Would so many Americans be afraid of Muslims if they knew a little more about the Islamic faith? Start in the schools by teaching children about other cultures and lifestyles.

We must have teachers who are accepting of others. There are many schools where the teachers not only turn a blind eye to bullying, but support it, either quietly or publicly. This has to stop. If children aren’t learning to be accepting in the home and they aren’t learning to be accepting in their schools, do we really think they are going to become adults who accept others? We are failing our children by holding on to any prejudices, by corrupting their minds as they grow and by letting them feel it is okay to bully someone for being different. Our children should be growing up to become better adults than us.

We owe it to the memories of Jamey, Phoebe, Tyler and every other young adult who has committed suicide because of bullying to make this world a better place for everyone. We Are All Weird. We are all different in our own little (or big) ways. We all have the capacity to think for ourselves and do the things we want to do and believe the things we want to believe. We have to embrace these difference, be proud of our differences. We have to show the youth of today that being different is a great thing. We have to show the youth of today that humans are able to do creative, mind blowing, amazing things by being different. We see things in different ways and this drives progress and change. Since we want people to respect our differences, we must learn to respect the differences of others. This is the only way we will be able to make the world a better place.