Who are you?

Who are you? Who are you really? Many of us have so many personae that we have forgotten who we actually are. (I have told people for years that I am an asshole and I don't really care what people think of me.) We're afraid to show our true identities to the people around us. Why is this? Part of it is because we don't trust the people around us, at least not fully, and part of it is because we afraid of what these people will think of the true us (and I am sure there are other parts to the problem).

We want to fit in. We want to be a part of the "cool crowd." We want to be a leader or a manager or an artist or a gatekeeper or a star or a writer or anything else we can think of. We want to easily fit into a slot that any of these names will fit, even if it isn't who we are truly meant to be. We want people to understand us and respect us for who we are, even if we aren't really showing them who this is. We want to be just like them.

Our education systems drove out any and all individuality and creativity we had. If any small amount somehow survived school, it was quickly squashed during our first job. We're afraid to be an outlier. We're afraid to stand out. We're afraid of being labeled as different or strange or weird. This is all normal. These fears have been pounded into our heads for as long as we can remember. We know what it feels like to be bullied. While our fears make sense, they are holding us back from doing what we really want to do and what we are capable of doing.

No matter what we say or think we believe, there is always going to be a part of us that cares what other people think of us. What we fail to realize is there are always going to be people who like who we are and what we offer and those who hate who we are and what we have to offer. If this is going to be the case, wouldn't it be better to be true to who we are? We don't have to fit in with the "in" crowd. We can find our own crowd or start our own crowd.

You don't have to hide who you are. If people don't like you, that's their problem. It's okay to believe in yourself. It's okay to be a little arrogant. It's okay to have an ego. It's okay to believe your are right. If you are being true to yourself, then you are right. If the people around you don't agree, then oh well. Why should you care? There is never going to be just one right answer...your right isn't always theirs and their right isn't always yours.

Be you. Believe in this you. Stand up and speak loudly about anything you want to stand up and speak loudly about. Have opinions and share them. We're not going to create anything amazing by fitting in, following the crowd and not questioning things happening around us. Creativity doesn't come from being comfortable and always being true to yourself is usually uncomfortable.

Be proudly you. Be loudly you. Be you, not the one person other people think you should be. Speak your mind. Solve the problems in ways you think will work best, even if they are problems no one else sees. If you want a different outcome, then do things differently. Stop fearing being different or strange or unique or loud or weird or angry or happy or anything else you fear about yourself. Give this world you.

It's going to be scary. It will probably be hard. You are going to make some people angry. You are going to make some people happy. You will be called names and you will be looked up to. You will be right and you will be wrong. Through it all, just be you.

Who are you?

Be A Voice

We're going to try a little experiment today and I'm interested to see how many people respond. What does the picture mean to you? Respond in the comments and let me know your thoughts (I really am interested).

For me, this is a great reminder to be yourself and be comfortable with who you are. You don't have to agree with everyone, but you must have the courage to speak your mind when it is needed. We are unique people and having differing ideas is what fuels us to do more great work. It's okay to follow others, but we don't have to be lockstep. While we may agree with the overarching ideas, we don't have to agree with everything and we don't have to remain silent in our disagreements.

I look forward to hearing from you all and hope this starts an active discussion in the comments.

Try Something Else

We take everything way too seriously. As a whole, we spend too much time stressed out about things that really don't matter. We look for meaning in every little piece of data we can find, failing to see that some things just happen. We try to control the world around us without realizing the only thing we have any control over is ourself (and sometimes even that is doubtful). By only reacting to the things happening around us, we never really live.

For most of us, we just need to let go and let whatever happens, happen. The "bad" things that could happen are usually not as bad as we think they will be and the "good" things we hope for are usually not as good as we imagine. Realizing we have little control of the world around us, we can instead focus on ourselves and how we interact with this world. We can work on how we react to the stimuli around us. We can really decide who we want to be, instead of trying to be the person we think everyone wants us to be.

This isn't easy. I don't even know if I am a good person to even talk about it as I haven't come close to perfecting it in my own life, but it needs to be said. We create a crazy world by spending so much time worried about what other people are doing or thinking. We create a world where bullying is the norm because we criticize differences instead of celebrating them. We create a world full of violence and hate because we are more worried about who are neighbor prays to than we are about how we act. We create a world full of difficulty because we take our thoughts and ideas so seriously we can't believe anyone would think something different.

We are all different people with different thoughts and experiences. This has led us to different beliefs and thoughts about what is important. These differences should be celebrated instead of feared. Instead of distrusting your neighbor because they are different, spend time getting to know and laughing with them. Instead of thinking everyone else is wrong, realize more than one person can be right. What is right for you may not be right for others. We are born, live our life and then die. Every one of us has this in common. We can't control everything that happens during the course of our life, but we can control how we look at each day and how we react to the things that do happen. Smile more. Laugh more. Stop taking things so seriously. Trust each other and help build a better, safer and more peaceful world.

It won't be easy and it may not make this world any better, but what we are doing now sure isn't working. Maybe it is time to try something else?

What Is My Purpose?

For the majority of us, knowing what we are supposed to do with our lives would be wonderful. This would be the one question most people would what answered. What is my purpose? Most of us just don't know what it is we are supposed to be doing (or even if there is something we are supposed to be doing). We hear people talk all the time about following our passions and doing what makes us happy, but many of us don't really know what our passions are, or if we do, how to make a living doing them. We get stuck in this struggle of wanting to love what we are doing but constantly thinking there must be something more out there to make us happier and feel more fulfilled.

Yes, there may be something better out there waiting for you. There may be something that sets your soul on fire. There may be something that makes you want to jump out of bed each morning and attack the day. There may be something better, or there may not. We don't know. That's the scary part. Do we constantly chase this unknown? Do we continue to give up what we have, thinking there may be something better, without really knowing? It's the Let's Make A Deal decision with life. "You have $5,000 but do you want to risk it for what is behind door number 2?" You have a job and a life that does bring happiness (more if you would let it), but do you want to risk it for what is hidden out there?

After reading that, you may think you have an answer, but what if I asked the questions in a different tone? Do you want to settle with what you have, thinking you are not as happy as you could be? Can you continue to do what you do, all while believing there is something more out there? Can you give up searching with the knowledge that you aren't as passionate as you want? Do you risk the hum drum existence you have for the chance of finding the greatness hidden out there?

You see, there are always two ways to look at things. I believe we need to find the happiness in what we have and what we do, while constantly searching for more. Searching doesn't always mean you have to quit your job and go looking for something different. In some cases it will mean this, but in others it won't. Your choices have to be your choices and your path will be different than every other path. You have to do things in your own way. You can't make all the choices someone else made because what works for them may not work for you. You have to solve these dilemmas based on your life, not based on someone else's life. How you decide to answer the questions above is personal. How you decide to proceed is up to you.

There is never going to be any "one size fits all" answer to finding our passion and happiness. Some people will find this search to be incredible easy, but others will struggle their entire lives. This doesn't make anyone right or wrong, it is just their path. The way you go about achieving everything you want probably won't work for many other people. We are all going to look at the issue differently, so there can't be a perfect solution. You can read as many books and blogs as you want. You can listen to all the experts, but in the end you are going to realize two things:

1) Different people will have different ways to "achieve" finding passion and happiness and many of these ways will contradict each other.
2) The vast majority of us are in the same place. Even the people who seem to have it all figured out will often have doubts about their purpose.

The answers to the big questions will never be one size fits all. These answers won't be found in books and they won't be found on blogs. No one can tell you what is going to work for you. You have to find it for yourself. You have to decide what is going to work for you. You have to get our there and explore and dream and work and hurt and love and fail and succeed and live. Asking the question is fine. Wondering if there is more out there is normal. You aren't in this by yourself, but you have to find your own answers. The real question is: Are you going to look for them?

The Problem With Advice

Everyone you meet is going to have some advice to offer you. Every last one. They may tell you how to live a better life or be a better leader or do something in a different and better way. The thing is, you don't have to follow any of it. Listen, think about it and then do what you think is best.

All the advice people offer is from their perspective, not yours. They think they know what is best, but often forget what is best for them may not be best for you. What one person thinks is a great leader could be what another thinks is a terrible one. What someone else thinks is a great life may feel like prison to you. These people aren't trying to be mean. They are only telling you what they would do if they were in your shoes. They're not.

You are on your own path and doing what you think is right. There is rarely only one "right" way to do something. Between right and wrong, there is a vast spread of gray. What is right to you can very easily be wrong to someone else. This doesn't mean it has to be wrong for you, too. These differences are what makes life interesting. If there was only one right way, life would be incredibly boring and we would all be the same. We're not and you don't need to feel pressured to do things in a way others think you should.

Be yourself. Be unique. You may not be the greatest leader out there, but if you are leading your team well, does it matter if others think you are doing it wrong? Does it really matter if someone thinks the life you are leading is wrong? Because they think it, does it make it true? Following the path someone else thinks is right is only going to lead you to the destination that works for them. This isn't your path and only your path is going to lead where you need it to lead.

We have to stop worrying about what other people think and stop feeling as if we have to do something in a way others think we should. Do them in the way you think is going to work best as you are the only person who sees things the way you do. You have your own ideas and thoughts and know better than anyone else what is going to work for you. By all means listen to the advice of people you trust, but always remember this is your life. Live it is such.

Judging

Yesterday, I wrote about how we need to stop comparing ourselves to others. Continuing with this same thought, we also spend way too much time judging others.

I guarantee, wherever you work, there is gossip. We constantly talk about the actions or thoughts of other people and how we agree, or more likely, disagree with them. We judge people everyday, often without even realizing what we are doing.

How can someone drive that fast? Why in the world would he leave all this work for me to do? Why can't they just do their job and quit talking? Why doesn't she brush his teeth more? How dare they lie to me! Why can't they just do their work? How could someone wear that out of the house? How can someone still smoke? How does someone eat that crap? What the hell is wrong with them?

We spend way too much time thinking about the actions of others and coming up with reasons why they should or shouldn't do something. The truth is none of us are perfect. There are literally millions of sayings and quotes dealing with this subject. None of us can really get in head of someone else, so we can't know the motivations of the people we are judging. Try giving people the benefit of the doubt.

We all have different motivations and passions and thought patterns and things we are dealing with. Maybe the person speeding and weaving through traffic is trying to get to the hospital because a loved one is dying. Maybe the person who didn't get all their tasks done and left some work for you was just served divorce papers. Maybe the person who lied to you didn't realize they were lying.

Every one of us makes mistakes. We all do things every day that someone else wouldn't do. We usually have our reasons for doing it, things no one else can really understand. We don't like to be judged, so why do we take so much pleasure in judging others? What makes us think we are better than any other person we meet?

We are all unique. We do things differently. Every set of circumstances is different. No two people faced with the same circumstances are going to do the exact same thing. Stop expecting every one else to do things the way you do. Stop believing that if you did something, everyone else can do the exact same thing in the exact same way.

This doesn't mean we can't have discussions about disagreements or things not getting done or ways to do things. These discussions shouldn't be about either person, but about the situation at hand. Take the ego out of it. Stop taking things personally. Worry more about living your life instead of criticizing others for the way they live theirs.

Decisions

On our path through life, sometimes things become hard. We aren't sure what we are supposed to do next and we aren't sure if the effort is going to be worth it. I have seen this numerous times throughout my life and I have made different decisions each time. Sometimes I quit and find something else to do and sometimes I battle through everything thrown at me to see what is on the other side. I wish there was a magical equation we could use to decide if the effort is worth the outcome but their really isn't one.

Whether to stay the course or to leave it is a personal decision and one each of us have to make on our own. We can seek input from others, we can look to our friends and mentors to see what they would do, but we have to remember every experience is different for every person. We are unique and as such, our struggles our unique as well. Every decision we make is a personal one; we need not be afraid of what others think of our decision.

When we look back, we have the ability to see the decision and the outcome, so we will often wish we had done something differently. When I look back at dropping out of law school, I sometimes wish I would have continued on this path and became a lawyer. I think about the good things I could have done with the degree and wonder what I would be doing now. But, I would not have landed in animal welfare, I would not have met my wonderful fiancée and I would not have started to share my life with some of the amazing animals I now do. Things would have been completely different and I have no way of knowing if this path would be better or worse than the one I am currently following. There is no way to know what our life would be like if we made other choices, so there is no reason to look back and wish we had done something differently.

No matter the quandary and no matter the decision made, our lives will change because of them. We can not even hope to see the magnitude of change caused by any of our decisions, the lives we will touch or the things we will do. We just have to make the best decision for us in the moment we are making it. The key words in the last sentence are "best decision for us" as this is all we really have to go on. Yes, all of our decisions affect others, but we can never really see all the ways this may be true. Be open, be true to your spirit, think about what you are doing and what you want to do, then make the decision. Listen for the little voice of passion and follow your heart. It will lead you to where you want to be.