Stop Dreaming

I just finished reading Year of Yes by Shonda Rimes. This is a funny and interesting take on what happens when you stop saying no to everything offered you. One section of the book that has really stuck with me is her commencement speech at Dartmouth delivered in 2014 titled Dreams Are For Losers.

Now, I am not going to rehash the entire speech as I think it is valuable enough (and short enough) for you, dear reader, to find and read (or you could do as I did and just pick up her book and give it a read). But, her advice is spot on and something I needed to hear right now. Stop talking about your dreams and start doing something to make them happen.

It all boils down to the question: Do you want to die with unfulfilled dreams or do you want to spend your life doing everything in your power to make those dreams come true? The world has enough dreamers who do nothing more than constantly talk about their dreams. This world really needs people who are going to roll up their sleeves and toil to make things happen.

Which are you?

Your Life Is Passing Before Your Eyes

Life is way too short to care what everyone else thinks.
Be you. Do what you think is right. Live the life you want to live.
Forget about the haters, they will always hate.
Surround yourself with people who support you, but also challenge you to be better.
Continue to learn and grow.
Love fully, dream big, live happily, embrace change.

It's Never Too Late

It's been nearly three months since I posted anything here and I am not sure how regular my posts will be, now that I have started again. I would love to say I will post three times a week or daily, but I just don't know. I started this blog a couple of years ago as a way to remind myself (and you) of the things that are important in life and how we should be doing them/living in a different way from what I am. I'm not sure if this blog was serving it's purpose or if the purpose has been transformed into something else. Only time will tell...

These last couple of months have been a little crazy. Lot's of things have changed and I have let some of the changes bother me more than I should. Have you ever had the type of change where you felt as if you went from being part of the team to being on the periphery? It's hard not to let this feeling bother you, but the best thing you can do is just let go. Change is always going to happen and it only has the control we give it. Emotion has a place in our lives, but it shouldn't run our lives. Anytime we are feeling frustrated or angry or sad over "little" things, we have to find a way to let go and move forward. These emotions aren't going to help us advance and will only cause us to dwell on things we don't need to dwell on.

I just returned from helping in Oklahoma City after the tornado. Helping with disaster response always reminds me of how quickly our lives can change. How many of us are living the life we actually want to live? How many of us are doing the things we want to do? How many of us are putting up with way too much shit because we are afraid to make changes? If you knew catastrophic change was going to happen in the next day or month or year, would you continue to live the life you currently lead?

Don't feel despair for what you haven't done, but make changes to live the life you want. If the people around you can't help you lead the life you want, then find new people and surround yourself with them. (I guarantee there are already some people around you who can help...you have been surrounding yourself with them without really knowing it). It's okay to change. It's okay to be different. It's okay to do what you need to do to live the life you want. No matter what you do, you aren't going to make everyone happy. Knowing this, doesn't it make sense to live your life in the ways that make you happy?

Change happens. We can't let change drag us down. Embrace the change and use it to live the life you want to live. Find the people who bring out the best in you and hold on to them tightly. Let everyone else go. Life is way too precious to be unhappy. Start doing what matters to you and stop worrying what everyone else thinks. Be the person you want to be and do the things you want to do. It's never too late to start.    

Who are you?

Who are you? Who are you really? Many of us have so many personae that we have forgotten who we actually are. (I have told people for years that I am an asshole and I don't really care what people think of me.) We're afraid to show our true identities to the people around us. Why is this? Part of it is because we don't trust the people around us, at least not fully, and part of it is because we afraid of what these people will think of the true us (and I am sure there are other parts to the problem).

We want to fit in. We want to be a part of the "cool crowd." We want to be a leader or a manager or an artist or a gatekeeper or a star or a writer or anything else we can think of. We want to easily fit into a slot that any of these names will fit, even if it isn't who we are truly meant to be. We want people to understand us and respect us for who we are, even if we aren't really showing them who this is. We want to be just like them.

Our education systems drove out any and all individuality and creativity we had. If any small amount somehow survived school, it was quickly squashed during our first job. We're afraid to be an outlier. We're afraid to stand out. We're afraid of being labeled as different or strange or weird. This is all normal. These fears have been pounded into our heads for as long as we can remember. We know what it feels like to be bullied. While our fears make sense, they are holding us back from doing what we really want to do and what we are capable of doing.

No matter what we say or think we believe, there is always going to be a part of us that cares what other people think of us. What we fail to realize is there are always going to be people who like who we are and what we offer and those who hate who we are and what we have to offer. If this is going to be the case, wouldn't it be better to be true to who we are? We don't have to fit in with the "in" crowd. We can find our own crowd or start our own crowd.

You don't have to hide who you are. If people don't like you, that's their problem. It's okay to believe in yourself. It's okay to be a little arrogant. It's okay to have an ego. It's okay to believe your are right. If you are being true to yourself, then you are right. If the people around you don't agree, then oh well. Why should you care? There is never going to be just one right answer...your right isn't always theirs and their right isn't always yours.

Be you. Believe in this you. Stand up and speak loudly about anything you want to stand up and speak loudly about. Have opinions and share them. We're not going to create anything amazing by fitting in, following the crowd and not questioning things happening around us. Creativity doesn't come from being comfortable and always being true to yourself is usually uncomfortable.

Be proudly you. Be loudly you. Be you, not the one person other people think you should be. Speak your mind. Solve the problems in ways you think will work best, even if they are problems no one else sees. If you want a different outcome, then do things differently. Stop fearing being different or strange or unique or loud or weird or angry or happy or anything else you fear about yourself. Give this world you.

It's going to be scary. It will probably be hard. You are going to make some people angry. You are going to make some people happy. You will be called names and you will be looked up to. You will be right and you will be wrong. Through it all, just be you.

Who are you?

Scary

Things we fear:

• moving forward
• change
• stepping out of our comfort zone 
• speaking up 
• being true to ourselves
• standing out 
• not giving up 
• creating art 
• doing the work 
• taking chances 
• constantly trying to improve 
• admitting mistakes
• chasing dreams
• listening to instinct
• sharing with the world
• criticism
• praise   
• blazing your own path
• new ideas
• difficult conversations
• failure
• success

Things we must embrace:

• moving forward
• change
• stepping out of our comfort zone 
• speaking up 
• being true to ourselves
• standing out 
• not giving up 
• creating art 
• doing the work 
• taking chances 
• constantly trying to improve 
• admitting mistakes
• chasing dreams
• listening to instinct
• sharing with the world
• criticism
• praise   
• blazing your own path
• new ideas
• difficult conversations
• failure
• success

Be A Voice

We're going to try a little experiment today and I'm interested to see how many people respond. What does the picture mean to you? Respond in the comments and let me know your thoughts (I really am interested).

For me, this is a great reminder to be yourself and be comfortable with who you are. You don't have to agree with everyone, but you must have the courage to speak your mind when it is needed. We are unique people and having differing ideas is what fuels us to do more great work. It's okay to follow others, but we don't have to be lockstep. While we may agree with the overarching ideas, we don't have to agree with everything and we don't have to remain silent in our disagreements.

I look forward to hearing from you all and hope this starts an active discussion in the comments.

Love Yourself

Love yourself. A very simple sentence, but one of the hardest things we have to learn. We are who we are. We all have strengths and we all have flaws. We may wish we were smarter or stronger or braver or a better leader or naturally talented in many things, but we are who we are. While there are things we can change about ourselves, we have to be comfortable with who we are.

We often hear people extolling the virtues of those who are humble while being egotistical has a negative connotation. While it will often be labeled as egotistical by those on the outside looking in, we have to take pride in who we are and what we can do. Being humble might sound nice, but taking pride in who you are and what you do is necessary for truly loving yourself. Once you love yourself, there will be times when you should be humble.

Many of us use self-deprecating humor throughout the day. This has become a crutch for many of us who don't love who we are. We use this humor as a light hearted attempt to defuse situations or to just have a little fun, but there is often some truth to what seems to be only humor. Most of us wouldn't say some of the things unless we truly believed there was something to them. This is a habit you will never be able to stop overnight, but pay attention to when you use it. Think about it and ask yourself why you said what you said. The more conscious you become to it, the more likely you will be able to find out why you use it.

Many of us also get stuck on the things we don't do as well as we would like and we forget about the things at which we do excel. It understandable to focus on things we want to improve, but we can't do it exclusively or at the detriment to ourselves. We all wish we could do something that we can't, but we rarely want to put in the work to make it happen. Frustration and depression set in when we can't snap our fingers and make things change overnight. We want things to happen now, not at some point down the line.

Loving who you are right now is the first step to leading a happy life. This doesn't mean you can't work on things for the future, but you have to be comfortable with who you are and what you have to offer today. While it sounds so easy, it really isn't for a lot of people. We focus on the mistakes we make or the stupid things we do. We believe other people are constantly judging us for these things, too. The truth is, those who matter don't judge us for these things. Those who do judge us don't really matter. We have to stop worrying what anyone else thinks.

Believe in yourself. You have the ability to do great things, even if you don't yet know what they are. Yes, you have flaws, but this doesn't make you flawed. We all make mistakes and do dumb things from time to time. Just like you should cut some slack to the people around you; you need to cut yourself some slack. Focus on the things you do well and then do them. Work on the things you don't do as well, if you want to do them better. But, no matter what you do, love who you are. There are people around you who love you for who you are, flaws and all. Take a cue from them and find the love for yourself. This will move you closer towards the happiness you have been searching for.

Collection of Random Short Thoughts

I know there are a lot of people out there who hate lists. If you are one, you can stop reading now as this post is going to turn in to a list. I have been doing a lot of thinking this last week, which I know is normal when anyone is dealing with loss. I wanted to be able to string together everything I have been thinking about into one blog post, but my mind keeps bouncing all over the place and anything I write does too. Instead, here is a list of some of the things I have been thinking about. Some of these may be blog topics in the future, but many express what they need to express in a sentence or two.

• Spend more time with those you love. These are the times that really matter in life.
• Spend more time doing things you love to do and less time doing the things you hate.
• Take time every day (or at least once a week) to just think. 
• If you hate your job, quit.
• If you like your job, then work your ass off to do the best work possible.
• The culture of a company is built by the people. If the culture isn't right, then the people aren't right.
• Embrace change, especially when it brings more work for you.
• Try new, little things each day. This will make it easier to embrace big changes.
• Don't automatically reject new ideas.
• Be honest and straightforward with people, even if it seems painful. Difficult conversation are usually important conversations.
• Stop worrying about everything.
• Don't hold back. If you have an idea (no matter how crazy), speak up. 
• Be more active. It's amazing how much better you can feel if you just get a little exercise each day.
• Stop talking about doing things as much and actually start doing them.
• Figure out what you need to change to become a person you can love and then make the changes.
• Believe in yourself and be confident, but not an egotistical asshole. It's a fine line and one you need to find.
• Feel free to be different, if that is who you are. 
• Have fun. If you aren't having fun, then figure out what needs to change so you can.
• Laugh as much as possible. Don't take things so seriously.
• Things will work out in the end. It may not be the way you want them to work out, but you can only do so much.
• Encourage the people around you by believing in them.
• Friendship and loyalty are expressed in deeds, not words.
• Don't be afraid to let go and move on. Don't dwell on the bullshit of the past.
• Nothing is impossible.
• Chase your dreams, no matter how crazy they are. You are in control of your life.
• Follow your heart...it already knows where you should go.

Don't Worry

Don't worry about proving you are right.
Don't worry about those who say you are wrong.
Don't worry about doing what society tells you to do.
Don't worry about what other people think.
Don't worry about what you can not change.
Don't worry about your fears.
Don't worry about the past.
Don't worry about the future.
Don't worry about making mistakes.
Don't worry about failing.
Don't worry about doing it wrong.
Don't worry about your doubts.
Don't worry about fitting in.
Don't worry about standing out.
Don't worry about making enemies.
Don't worry about making friends.
Don't worry about being perfect.
Don't worry about being awkward.
Don't worry about saying the wrong thing.
Don't worry about being different.
Don't worry about being strange.

Don't worry about anything except doing your best and being the person you are meant to be.