What Do You Want?

It can be tough figuring out exactly what you want. We have all these conflicting ideas and feelings floating around in our heads and we have the ability to rationalize in ways even we can't comprehend. All options are available and we can convince ourselves that each is what we really want. When we start to wonder what the right answer really is, many times we just won't know. Too much info going on in our heads...we have to take the time to reflect before choosing.

In nearly every situation, the answer that feels comfortable is often the easy way out (even if it doesn't really look like it). The one that scares you the most is usually the one you should choose. Most likely, it's what you really want, even if your mind won't admit it. Embrace the fear...choose the scary. It's not going to be easy, but it is going to be right. Isn't that what really matters?

Live Like It Matters

Your life is in your hands, to make of it what you choose. Many of us often think we should be doing something else or making more money or be happier or any number of other things, but we don't do anything to change. We have this one shot at life and instead of doing whatever it takes to make it the life we really want it to be, we spend our time complaining.

What do you really want to do in your life? What do you really want to do with your life? What is stopping you from doing it? Many of us are afraid of change. Complaining is also a lot easier than actually putting in the work to make this the life we want. There are a lot of us who are afraid of failing, too. What happens if we try and can't succeed in having the life we want? Instead of asking this question, why are we not asking what happens if we don't even try?

I think most of us are on the right path and are actually doing a lot of the things we want to do, but we aren't allowing ourselves to be satisfied. We constantly think there needs to be more and better and different. If we stepped back and actually took a look at our life, we would realize we are doing some really great things. This doesn't mean every aspect of life is great, but it does mean that we have more of it together than we thought. It's okay to be proud of what you have done. You can strive to do more and better while being happy with the life you are leading.

When all is said and done, this is your life to lead. You get to choose what path you take and how far you follow it. You get to make the decisions that matter. You get to control how you react to things that happen to and around you. You get to decide to be happy or depressed or motivated or bored or inspired or challenged. You get to decide to fix things or change things or complain about how unfair things are. You get to make your life the life you want. If you don't, you have no one to blame but yourself.

This is your life...start living like it matters.

What Is My Purpose?

For the majority of us, knowing what we are supposed to do with our lives would be wonderful. This would be the one question most people would what answered. What is my purpose? Most of us just don't know what it is we are supposed to be doing (or even if there is something we are supposed to be doing). We hear people talk all the time about following our passions and doing what makes us happy, but many of us don't really know what our passions are, or if we do, how to make a living doing them. We get stuck in this struggle of wanting to love what we are doing but constantly thinking there must be something more out there to make us happier and feel more fulfilled.

Yes, there may be something better out there waiting for you. There may be something that sets your soul on fire. There may be something that makes you want to jump out of bed each morning and attack the day. There may be something better, or there may not. We don't know. That's the scary part. Do we constantly chase this unknown? Do we continue to give up what we have, thinking there may be something better, without really knowing? It's the Let's Make A Deal decision with life. "You have $5,000 but do you want to risk it for what is behind door number 2?" You have a job and a life that does bring happiness (more if you would let it), but do you want to risk it for what is hidden out there?

After reading that, you may think you have an answer, but what if I asked the questions in a different tone? Do you want to settle with what you have, thinking you are not as happy as you could be? Can you continue to do what you do, all while believing there is something more out there? Can you give up searching with the knowledge that you aren't as passionate as you want? Do you risk the hum drum existence you have for the chance of finding the greatness hidden out there?

You see, there are always two ways to look at things. I believe we need to find the happiness in what we have and what we do, while constantly searching for more. Searching doesn't always mean you have to quit your job and go looking for something different. In some cases it will mean this, but in others it won't. Your choices have to be your choices and your path will be different than every other path. You have to do things in your own way. You can't make all the choices someone else made because what works for them may not work for you. You have to solve these dilemmas based on your life, not based on someone else's life. How you decide to answer the questions above is personal. How you decide to proceed is up to you.

There is never going to be any "one size fits all" answer to finding our passion and happiness. Some people will find this search to be incredible easy, but others will struggle their entire lives. This doesn't make anyone right or wrong, it is just their path. The way you go about achieving everything you want probably won't work for many other people. We are all going to look at the issue differently, so there can't be a perfect solution. You can read as many books and blogs as you want. You can listen to all the experts, but in the end you are going to realize two things:

1) Different people will have different ways to "achieve" finding passion and happiness and many of these ways will contradict each other.
2) The vast majority of us are in the same place. Even the people who seem to have it all figured out will often have doubts about their purpose.

The answers to the big questions will never be one size fits all. These answers won't be found in books and they won't be found on blogs. No one can tell you what is going to work for you. You have to find it for yourself. You have to decide what is going to work for you. You have to get our there and explore and dream and work and hurt and love and fail and succeed and live. Asking the question is fine. Wondering if there is more out there is normal. You aren't in this by yourself, but you have to find your own answers. The real question is: Are you going to look for them?

The Only Thing Stopping You...

Today kicks off the pomp and spectacle known as the London Olympic Games. No matter what you think of the Olympics and everything going on, you have to stop and think about many of the athletes competing. For most, this will be one of, if not the biggest event in their life. They didn't get to the Olympics by accident. They made it to the Olympics by working harder than the rest of us at what they do.

These athletes put in the work. They trained day in and day out, often for many, many years. They had a dream, but one that wasn't easy to reach. They had goals, but goals most of us wouldn't have the discipline to obtain. They perform in ways many of us could never imagine. They put in hours of work many of us can't fathom. These athletes shouldn't be put on pedestals based on what they can do, but instead should be celebrated for what they have done to get to where they are.

While most of us will never be athletic enough to even have a chance to compete at the Olympics, we must choose to emulate their dedication. It's not the fame or the glory that will last for them, it is the knowledge they chased and dream and grabbed hold. They didn't let "real life" stop them from chasing what they wanted. They don't make excuses to not do the work. They took whatever life threw at them and continued to chase down their dream. They believe in themselves and push hard to accomplish their goals.

Yes, some are gifted with genes to help them become amazing athletes. Yes, some are given chances many other people don't have. But, they still have to put in the work to accomplish their dreams. They have to focus. They have to believe. They have to dream big dreams. They have to put in more work than we can even imagine. They have to give up a lot of other things. They have to choose to be great. They have to have the drive to push through. They have to be passionate. They have to work their ass off.

What dreams do you have? How much work do you put in to reach them? What is your Olympics?

The only thing stopping you is you.

Be Decisive

There are going to be times when you are faced with a decision and you aren't sure what to choose. You are going to think about the pros and cons of each and weigh them in your mind and you are still going to be no closer to making the call. It's times like these where we have to learn to trust our intuition and just take a chance. Yes, sometimes you just have to take chances.

Sometimes you are going to get it right. Other times, it won't seem that way. The key is to make a choice. If you don't know which one to choose and choose neither, then you aren't really doing anything but existing. You will never know what is going to happen until you make the choice and start down the path. If you love it, great! If you hate it, make a choice to move in a different direction.

At times when you have to choose between staying the course and tryings something new, I would almost always choose something new. Staying the course can be the right choice, but if you are anything like me, you constantly search from something new and different. The only time I would consider staying the course is when things are going really well and you are completely happy and satisfied. Even then, I would always consider the new path. While making the choice to do something new can be intimidating, it also can bring things never imagined.

Don't hesitate. Don't procrastinate. If you have to flip a coin, flip a coin. I don't care how you ultimately make the decision, but just be sure to make one. We spend way too much of our time wondering what will happen if, but not actually doing something to find out. Be decisive and try something new. You never know what will happen unless you take a chance and make the choice.  

Choice

We spend each day constantly making choices. What way should I go to work? What should I bring for lunch? Should I have a coffee this morning? What should I wear? How should I handle this situation? Should I write a blog post this morning? These types of questions continue throughout the day and we are so used to it, often we won't hear the question or know we are making a choice. It has become automatic.

These simple choices are easy (usually) but when it comes to choices about how we live our life or where we want our life to go, we often fall very short and let fear or laziness stop us. We all know we should exercise more, but how many of us actually make the choice to do it? We all know we shouldn't smoke or drink as much as we do, but how many of us actually make the choice not to? We all know we need to eat a healthier diet, but how many of us actually pass on seconds or desert because of this knowledge?

We have the ability to make choices that will change our lives. Yes, we don't know what the future will bring, but we can have some control over what is happening now. We can choose to not eat something so we can get in better shape. We can choose to get up off the couch, turn off the television and go for a jog. We can choose to stop drinking or smoking or doing anything that is causing us more harm than good. Are any of these easy choices? No, not at first. But, the more you choose to do them, the easier they become. Once you start to see some results based on your choices, you will start to be more motivated to continue to make good choices.

In the same way, you can choose to live a life you want. You can choose to find happiness in your job, even if you do a lot of things you don't enjoy doing. You can choose to start looking for a new job, if you want to leave the one your are in. You can choose to learn new skills to help with this job search. You can choose to do something completely different, if you want. You can choose to start a side project or follow a dream you have always had. You can choose to take a risk. You can choose to move far away. You can choose to start a business. You can choose to go back to school. You can choose to do or try anything you want.

Every day, we are confronted with choice after choice. Many of these decisions have become second nature to us. We need to slow down and think about some of the choices we are making. Some of these choices are too important to make on autopilot. Being present in the moment and consciously making a decision may be the best choice you make today. When we consider our options, we may make a completely different decision than we would have without thinking. It's your life, shouldn't you be making the choices you really want?  

Make Each Day Better Than The Last

Every morning, when you wake up, you have a choice to make. Are you going to dread what the day brings or are you going to attack every challenge with gusto and leave nothing on the table at the end of the day?

Too often, we dread what the day brings. We don't want to deal with what we do at work; we don't want to do the chores around the house we need to do; we don't think we have the energy to do everything on our plate. When we dread the coming day, we set ourselves up to be unhappy and unfulfilled. How can someone every find fulfillment in work when we would rather do anything other than the work?

If instead, you decide to attack each challenge head on, knowing you will give it your all, you set yourself up to enjoy the day. Although we may have difficult things happen each day, with the right mindset in the morning, we can keep these events from being as negative as they could be. When we choose, yes choose, to be happy with whatever the day brings, we will feel better at the end of each day. Choosing to do this day after day may be difficult at first, but is the only way to ever be happy and content with who you are and what you do. Each time you end the day feeling as if you gave it your all, it becomes easier the next day to choose the same path.

Stop spending time dreading the day ahead of you. The things we worry about rarely happen and when they do, they are rarely as bad as we imagined. Dreading the day sets us up to be unhappy and causes us to do poor work. Instead, choose to enjoy every day, knowing whatever the day brings, you will be able to handle it with grace and gusto. Choose to be happy. Choose to be fulfilled. Choose to make each day better than the last.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year! In Kansas City, 2012 has dawned with beautiful blue skies and chilly temperatures (though by chilly, I mean cooler than it has been, but much warmer than usual). This year is going to bring many changes to all of our lives and I am sure we will all have our share of happiness and sadness.

Sitting here, drinking coffee on the morning of January 1, I think about everything 2012 has to offer. This is a year of endless possibilities. We may not be able to control everything it will bring, but this morning, we have a choice of which path we are going to start down. Do you want 2012 to be a repeat of 2011? Or, do you want to do something else, something different, something new this year? Whatever you decide to do, start moving forward today and let nothing stop you. Let's all make 2012 a year to remember!

Decisions

No matter what decision you make about anything, there are going to be people who agree with you and people who will not agree with you. A lot of the people on both sides can be ignored, but the difficulty comes when a person who disagrees with you is one who's opinion you value. In these situations, we have to remember their thoughts on the decision are colored by their perception and their goals. They may have good points, but the points may not apply to you or the circumstances surrounding the decision. Ultimately, every decision we make has to be the best one for us, even when we take in to account other people.

This is the interesting thing about us; we all perceive the world in our own ways and every decision will be a personal one, no matter how much it may appear to be similar to other people's decisions. We can all think about what we would do in someone else's shoes, but we can never truly imagine what it would be like to be in their shoes. We are different and therefore have a different way of looking at things. Remember this whenever you feel like changing your mind because of someone else or when you feel like a loved one is making a huge mistake. We all do things for our own reasons...it really doesn't matter if you wouldn't do the same. Make decisions based on what you think and feel. You can take into account the thoughts and beliefs of others, but you are the person responsible for you. If the decision is right for you, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.  

Decisions

On our path through life, sometimes things become hard. We aren't sure what we are supposed to do next and we aren't sure if the effort is going to be worth it. I have seen this numerous times throughout my life and I have made different decisions each time. Sometimes I quit and find something else to do and sometimes I battle through everything thrown at me to see what is on the other side. I wish there was a magical equation we could use to decide if the effort is worth the outcome but their really isn't one.

Whether to stay the course or to leave it is a personal decision and one each of us have to make on our own. We can seek input from others, we can look to our friends and mentors to see what they would do, but we have to remember every experience is different for every person. We are unique and as such, our struggles our unique as well. Every decision we make is a personal one; we need not be afraid of what others think of our decision.

When we look back, we have the ability to see the decision and the outcome, so we will often wish we had done something differently. When I look back at dropping out of law school, I sometimes wish I would have continued on this path and became a lawyer. I think about the good things I could have done with the degree and wonder what I would be doing now. But, I would not have landed in animal welfare, I would not have met my wonderful fiancée and I would not have started to share my life with some of the amazing animals I now do. Things would have been completely different and I have no way of knowing if this path would be better or worse than the one I am currently following. There is no way to know what our life would be like if we made other choices, so there is no reason to look back and wish we had done something differently.

No matter the quandary and no matter the decision made, our lives will change because of them. We can not even hope to see the magnitude of change caused by any of our decisions, the lives we will touch or the things we will do. We just have to make the best decision for us in the moment we are making it. The key words in the last sentence are "best decision for us" as this is all we really have to go on. Yes, all of our decisions affect others, but we can never really see all the ways this may be true. Be open, be true to your spirit, think about what you are doing and what you want to do, then make the decision. Listen for the little voice of passion and follow your heart. It will lead you to where you want to be.

Choose Your Path

Many people are afraid to step out of their comfort zones and do something alien to them. This fear holds us back from becoming the person we see ourselves being and want to become (I have allowed this fear to hold me back throughout my life). We must learn to recognize this fear, acknowledge it and then ignore it. Our best opportunities for growth come when we are uncomfortable, when we aren't sure of the outcome, when we are doing things we wouldn't normally be doing.

Sounds easy, huh? We all know it is not. Throughout our lives, we have been trained to fit in, to be a part of the crowd, to do what we are good at, to know our limitations and to follow the rules. Our education systems never pushed us to be different. We have been taught everyone has a place in the world and if you take this career aptitude test, it will show you where you fit. After high school, most of you should go to college. Those of you who don't have the grades to go to college, don't worry, we always need people to pick up our trash and serve us food. From an early age, we are labeled as gifted or average or below average and these labels tend to stick. These labels become limiting...the below average and the average start to believe they have no chance at becoming gifted, so why should they try?

I say forget about the labels. They do nothing but hold people back. Take a look at your life and what you want to do and where you want your future to go. Once you see this, start to figure out how to get there, but don't spend too much time trying to figure this out before you start moving. Find your path and start down it. Many of us will change our paths throughout our lives. Right now, we might imagine where we will be in five years, but there will be many other paths branching off the one we choose. If you want to take the fork, do it. Don't worry about changing you mind or following a different path, go where you think you should. Don't let the fear conquer you here, either.

Look inside yourself and figure out where your greatest fulfillment will be and go. Don't worry about the labels or fitting in or what society will think. Some of the greatest minds were labeled as below average or average or troublemakers or outcasts. Do something different. Do what is going to make you happy. Do what you love. Do what you think you may love. The goal is to start moving forward, to constantly move forward and to never stop. Don't let fear of the unknown hold you back.

Happiness Part II

Yesterday I wrote about the importance of taking control of your life outside work to see if this brings happiness to life inside work. I know for many, these are two different, yet overlapping, sections of life. If you have found a position that envelops both aspects of life, great!

If you have taken control of your life outside work and you still aren't happy or fulfilled with the life of work, then continue looking for something new. There might be more going on at work than you have the power to overcome. We no longer live in a society where you get a job and then work for the same company for the rest of your life. Some people still do this, but the vast majority of us will hop around and continue searching for a better fit. Some of us are constantly looking for something different.

The goal isn't to bounce around from job to job hoping something will stick, but to actively search for a position where you will feel challenged and fulfilled. We have a finite period of time on this planet and working in a place where you are unhappy or unfulfilled is no way to spend you time. I know a lot of us have bills to pay and families to take care of, so I am not saying to just walk in a quit your job without having an exit plan. Sometimes we must, but in most cases, you can easily continue to go to work while actively searching for (or building on the side) something different.

Happiness is one of the most important aspects of life. We all know people (and maybe are the person) who walk around with a cloud over their head constantly unhappy and not doing anything to change it. We can blame society, other people, the gods or anything else we want to blame. The truth is we are all in control of our own happiness. We just have to put in a little extra work to find what makes us excited to get out of bed each morning. If you don't know what makes you happy, then keep searching and writing and thinking. It will come to you. Then, all you have to do is work your ass off to grab it.

Happiness

For much of my life, I thought a new job or a new direction was what it was going to take to make me happy. For most of my adult life, I bounced around from job to job, did some time in law school and then bounced to some more jobs after I dropped out. I spent five years in one position, had many ups and downs and then bounced to three different jobs in the past year.

I'm a chronic job hopper and the one thing I have realized is once the elation of a new job wears off, I end up wondering if there is something else out there to make me happier. I constantly look for the diamond in the rough, the one job where I will be consistently challenged and motivated. Maybe there really is the perfect job out there for each of us. Maybe there isn't.

More importantly, I think we need to take control of our own happiness. What we do outside of the job is as important, maybe more important, than what we do during working hours. If we aren't living the life we want to love, we can't blame it on the job alone. We control our destiny and can choose to be unhappy, unsatisfied or unfulfilled. Once we fully take control of our life outside of the job, maybe the job will start to become that diamond in the rough. What do we have to lose by trying?

Life

Our life is what we make of it. For the vast majority of people, no one is going to wave a magic wand over our head and give us everything we want. We have to work hard for it.

Stop letting those around you dictate how you are going to feel or what you are going to do. This is your life, take control and choose to do what makes you happy and fulfilled. You may not be able to just wake up one day and do everything you want, but you can wake up and start down the path towards doing what makes you happy. We all have some free time (or can manufacture some) within our lives. Start doing what you love during these times and you may be surprised what else you can do.

If life isn't quite what you want or what you expected, there is no reason to blame other people or outside influences. Make the choice to change what you are doing. You control your life. If you are unhappy with your life, but choose to do nothing about it, you are the only one to blame. Don't let fear stop you. Don't let doubt stop you. Don't let other's opinions stop you. It's time to start living your life.