Enjoy The Ride

You don't have to listen to the advice people give you. Hell, most of the time you probably shouldn't. When someone starts telling you the best way to chase you dreams or why you should do this over that or how to live a life of happiness, be wary. This may seem a bit ironic coming from someone who has built a blog on giving advice, but it's the truth. The life you are living is your life...do with it what you will.

You see, what works for me may not work for you. There's a good possibility what works for you won't work for me. You can listen to the what people say, but you don't have to embrace it. You can learn from the people around you, but you still have to figure out what works for you. No one has everything figured out, no matter what they tell you.

We all struggle through life, never knowing if we are making the right decision. They key to it all (and yes, I realize this is advice) is to never stop trying. Succeed or fail, as long as you are doing something, you are on the right track. No matter what happens, just never stop trying. Struggle, fight, fail, succeed, move forward, stumble back, fall down, get up...just do.

No matter what, enjoy the ride. If you don't enjoy (at least at some level) the life you lead, what's the point?

Happy Holidays!

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season!

You may have noticed the blog has been a little quiet lately, but I have been working a lot and decided to end the year with a little break from the computer to spend more time with my family. I will have one more post this year...looking back on 2012 and looking forward to 2013, then we'll be back to normal in January.

"This is my wish for you: peace of mind, prosperity through the year, happiness that multiplies, health for you and yours, fun around every corner, energy to chase your dreams, joy to fill your holidays!"
                         -D.M. Dellinger

Top Five Regrets

What kind of life are you leading?

Will you be lying on your death bed, hopefully many years from now, expressing these same regrets?

What has to happen before we all wake up and realize we have a finite time and we better get started living the life we want to live?

Looking at these five regrets, we know how to get started. Live the life you want to live. Don't let other people tell you what you should be doing. Have fun with it...this is your life to live in any way you choose. Do crazy things. Take risks. Fail often. Have an adventure. Have many adventures. Do the things that scare you. Be true to yourself.

Tell the people you love that you love them. Tell them often. Don't ever stop telling them. Keep these people as close to you as you can. Don't let time or distance or petty difference keep you from remaining close to the people who add value to your life.

The last regret is the hardest. Happiness really is a choice we have to make. We can control how we view the world and how we react to everything happening around us. Give yourself permission to enjoy life, to be happy, to do the things you want to do, to make the life you want to make. You have the ability to do it. Now, you just have to give yourself permission to be happy.

Every second is another chance to change you life into the one you really want. You have the opportunity to leave this life without any of these regrets. What choice will you make? What kind of life are you going to lead?

What Questions Will You Ask Yourself

I have written a lot about the importance of finding happiness. People much smarter than me have written hundreds of thousands of words about how to find what makes you happy. There are entire sections in bookstores (what few still exist) on living a happy life. Every day, people look at you and decide if they think you are a happy person. For many of us, we wonder why we aren't happier and read everything we can to figure out how to get to the level of happiness for which we yearn.

Every time I start thinking about why I am not happier, I ask myself some basic questions. What do you do that makes you happy? How much time have you spent doing this lately? How much have you exercised lately? What is keeping you from being as happy as you want? What difficulties are you facing at work or at home that are causing stress? What can you do about them? What do you want to change?

While this may seem like a lot of questions, I think we have to find a way to ask ourselves these questions more. Instead of waiting until our mind starts wondering why we aren't happier, we need to make sure we are making the time to do the things we really enjoy doing. We need to exercise (as I am living proof that all the studies are correct...the more your exercise, the better you feel). We must look at the things that are keeping us from being happy and figure out how to change them or eliminate them. Being honest about the difficulties we are facing is the first step in solving them. It probably won't be easy, but is necessary. Figuring out what to change is also going to be difficult, but if you aren't happy now, then you have to make changes to become happy.

There are some things you can do and control internally to help, too. Stop taking constructive criticism personally. Hell, stop taking any criticism personally. For me at work, I have a hard time doing this. I want to do an amazing job and any time any of my staff aren't doing things they way they should, I take it is a knock on my leadership. I can't do this and be happy about my work. Instead of looking at criticisms as negative, view them instead as a challenge to do better. Don't think of them as being caused by you not being good enough, instead think of them as stepping stones towards greater things.

Stop talking about other people and instead talk to the people. Difficult conversations are just that, difficult to have. But, they are the best way to get everyone on the same page and help to eliminate any future problems or misunderstandings. We owe our friends, loved ones, family and colleagues the respect of discussing any issues with them instead of everyone around them. No difficulties go away though gossip.

Quit focusing on everything at the same time. Nothing leads to unhappiness more quickly than being overwhelmed, stressed out and not reaching deadlines and goals. We all have a lot of things we need to work on and a lot of things screaming for our attention. Focus on fewer tasks at once and get them done to the best of your ability. Then, move on to the next ones. You have to be able to prioritize.

Cut yourself some slack. We are going to make mistakes. We aren't going to reach every goal every time. There is going to be criticism and feedback. Here's a secret...none of us is perfect. We are going to be harder on ourselves than anyone else is. Give yourself some credit and just do the best you can do each and every day.

Will doing all of these things make you as happy as you want to be? Maybe, maybe not, but it will help to lead you in the right direction. What questions are you going to ask yourself today? What harm is there in trying?

Lesson #1

The first and most important lesson you have to learn is how to love yourself. Without it, nothing else will fall into place and nothing else really matters. Loving yourself doesn't mean you can't improve, or become better, or learn something new or do something different. It means you accept these things and who you are. As egotistical as it may sound, you are the most important person in your life. Don't hold yourself back.

Your happiness matters. Your dreams matter. Your ideas matter. Your beliefs matter. Who you are matters. Love the great things and the blemishes. Love the person you are today. Love the person you will be tomorrow. This is the most important of life's lessons and we have to learn to love ourselves before we can really love anything else. We are all amazing people...it's time we started to believe it.

Love Yourself

Love yourself. A very simple sentence, but one of the hardest things we have to learn. We are who we are. We all have strengths and we all have flaws. We may wish we were smarter or stronger or braver or a better leader or naturally talented in many things, but we are who we are. While there are things we can change about ourselves, we have to be comfortable with who we are.

We often hear people extolling the virtues of those who are humble while being egotistical has a negative connotation. While it will often be labeled as egotistical by those on the outside looking in, we have to take pride in who we are and what we can do. Being humble might sound nice, but taking pride in who you are and what you do is necessary for truly loving yourself. Once you love yourself, there will be times when you should be humble.

Many of us use self-deprecating humor throughout the day. This has become a crutch for many of us who don't love who we are. We use this humor as a light hearted attempt to defuse situations or to just have a little fun, but there is often some truth to what seems to be only humor. Most of us wouldn't say some of the things unless we truly believed there was something to them. This is a habit you will never be able to stop overnight, but pay attention to when you use it. Think about it and ask yourself why you said what you said. The more conscious you become to it, the more likely you will be able to find out why you use it.

Many of us also get stuck on the things we don't do as well as we would like and we forget about the things at which we do excel. It understandable to focus on things we want to improve, but we can't do it exclusively or at the detriment to ourselves. We all wish we could do something that we can't, but we rarely want to put in the work to make it happen. Frustration and depression set in when we can't snap our fingers and make things change overnight. We want things to happen now, not at some point down the line.

Loving who you are right now is the first step to leading a happy life. This doesn't mean you can't work on things for the future, but you have to be comfortable with who you are and what you have to offer today. While it sounds so easy, it really isn't for a lot of people. We focus on the mistakes we make or the stupid things we do. We believe other people are constantly judging us for these things, too. The truth is, those who matter don't judge us for these things. Those who do judge us don't really matter. We have to stop worrying what anyone else thinks.

Believe in yourself. You have the ability to do great things, even if you don't yet know what they are. Yes, you have flaws, but this doesn't make you flawed. We all make mistakes and do dumb things from time to time. Just like you should cut some slack to the people around you; you need to cut yourself some slack. Focus on the things you do well and then do them. Work on the things you don't do as well, if you want to do them better. But, no matter what you do, love who you are. There are people around you who love you for who you are, flaws and all. Take a cue from them and find the love for yourself. This will move you closer towards the happiness you have been searching for.

Do Not Go Where The Path May Lead

We must stop living someone else's idea of what our life should look like. This is our life. If we don't like any of the paths laid down in front of us, we need to blaze our own. We don't have to do things because we think they are expected. We have the right to find our own light and to chase it to the ends of the earth.

We have to search for what makes us feel alive. If you haven't found it yet, don't stop looking. Blazing our own path in life is difficult, but is worth it. What do you want to do? Where do you want to be? What do you see yourself doing in five years? When you look at your daily life, how does it make you feel? These are all questions we need to be asking ourselves and each other, but we rarely do. When we do get asked them (often in job interviews), we have stock answers, but not honest ones.

We are often stuck, not being entirely happy, but not entirely unhappy, either. We are afraid to make changes as we aren't sure what will happen or if our choices will move the needle closer to happy or unhappy. Because of this, we don't do anything. I am here to tell you that this is no way to go through life. We all have to stop freezing with fear and spend more time taking that first step. Once we start moving, we have a better chance of continuing to move.

Discovering your meaning in life is tough. Many people never do, but this is because they constantly search for their meaning along someone else's path. They are convinced they have to do certain things or act in certain ways because of what they have been told. They never summon the courage to follow their own path. We have the ability and the duty to live a life that matters to us. No excuses. No apologies. Blaze a path other people will want to follow. You only get one shot at this life, isn't time to start making it count?

Be True To Yourself

Most of us will look at this poster and smile or smirk and kind of laugh to ourself and then move on. We won't take it seriously and will assume that Zappa was just being Zappa. But, there is a lot of truth here. I can't tell you the number of times I have heard someone say they were unhappy with something and there was nothing they could do about it. Or, the number of times people just take what they are told as truth and continue on without thinking for themselves.

Seriously? All of us need to wake up and really start thinking for ourselves. We don't need to do what other people have told us to do. We don't have to live someone else's idea of a good life. We don't have to be average. We don't have to take anything as a truth without first questioning it. We don't have to fit in or be liked or give a shit about things other people give a shit about. We don't have to eat the same food or watch TV or like the same books or believe in the same politics or pray to the same gods.

We have a mind and we really need to start using it. What makes you happy might make me miserable. What you love to do might be on my list of things I would never want to do. The ideas I have for living a great life might be completely different then yours. All of these things are okay. The key is to believe in yourself and have the strength to do what you love to do. You have to be able to think for yourself and decide which idea is best for you. You have to have the courage to stand up for what you believe and know not everyone will agree with you.

Just stop living a life that is not yours. If you are unhappy, do what makes you happy. If you don't like the people around you, find new people. When you are told anything, question it before you believe it. Forge your own path and be true to who you are. Don't care what other people think you should do or should be. The only person who has control over your happiness is you. Your heart and mind, not anyone else, already know what you should be doing. Learn to listen to what is inside you instead of what everyone around you says.

The only person who has to live with the life you lead is you. No one else. Other people might think they have your best interests in mind, but they don't. They may not mean to be disingenuous, but unless they support you in everything you do, they are. Believe in yourself. Have faith in your choices. Do what makes you happy. Question everything. Come up with your own ideas and thoughts. Be true to yourself and live the life you were meant to lead.

What Is My Purpose?

For the majority of us, knowing what we are supposed to do with our lives would be wonderful. This would be the one question most people would what answered. What is my purpose? Most of us just don't know what it is we are supposed to be doing (or even if there is something we are supposed to be doing). We hear people talk all the time about following our passions and doing what makes us happy, but many of us don't really know what our passions are, or if we do, how to make a living doing them. We get stuck in this struggle of wanting to love what we are doing but constantly thinking there must be something more out there to make us happier and feel more fulfilled.

Yes, there may be something better out there waiting for you. There may be something that sets your soul on fire. There may be something that makes you want to jump out of bed each morning and attack the day. There may be something better, or there may not. We don't know. That's the scary part. Do we constantly chase this unknown? Do we continue to give up what we have, thinking there may be something better, without really knowing? It's the Let's Make A Deal decision with life. "You have $5,000 but do you want to risk it for what is behind door number 2?" You have a job and a life that does bring happiness (more if you would let it), but do you want to risk it for what is hidden out there?

After reading that, you may think you have an answer, but what if I asked the questions in a different tone? Do you want to settle with what you have, thinking you are not as happy as you could be? Can you continue to do what you do, all while believing there is something more out there? Can you give up searching with the knowledge that you aren't as passionate as you want? Do you risk the hum drum existence you have for the chance of finding the greatness hidden out there?

You see, there are always two ways to look at things. I believe we need to find the happiness in what we have and what we do, while constantly searching for more. Searching doesn't always mean you have to quit your job and go looking for something different. In some cases it will mean this, but in others it won't. Your choices have to be your choices and your path will be different than every other path. You have to do things in your own way. You can't make all the choices someone else made because what works for them may not work for you. You have to solve these dilemmas based on your life, not based on someone else's life. How you decide to answer the questions above is personal. How you decide to proceed is up to you.

There is never going to be any "one size fits all" answer to finding our passion and happiness. Some people will find this search to be incredible easy, but others will struggle their entire lives. This doesn't make anyone right or wrong, it is just their path. The way you go about achieving everything you want probably won't work for many other people. We are all going to look at the issue differently, so there can't be a perfect solution. You can read as many books and blogs as you want. You can listen to all the experts, but in the end you are going to realize two things:

1) Different people will have different ways to "achieve" finding passion and happiness and many of these ways will contradict each other.
2) The vast majority of us are in the same place. Even the people who seem to have it all figured out will often have doubts about their purpose.

The answers to the big questions will never be one size fits all. These answers won't be found in books and they won't be found on blogs. No one can tell you what is going to work for you. You have to find it for yourself. You have to decide what is going to work for you. You have to get our there and explore and dream and work and hurt and love and fail and succeed and live. Asking the question is fine. Wondering if there is more out there is normal. You aren't in this by yourself, but you have to find your own answers. The real question is: Are you going to look for them?

Life Is Grand (If You Make It That Way)

This is a hard thing to realize and believe. We would love to go though life thinking we have to be given something to make life great. We want the amazingness of life to be dependent on other people because if life is as grand as we make it, we only have ourself to blame if things aren't going the way we want. Blaming others or the gods or karma or fate isn't going to cut it anymore...we have the choice to make our life the life we want. If we don't, then it's our fault.

No matter what you think or thought, no one is going to give you the life you want. You have to go out there and take it. You have to work hard and choose to follow the path you need to follow. If you don't, you will end up where the majority of people are...unhappy and constantly doing things they don't want to do. Most of these people don't realize they are where they are because of themselves. Instead, they constantly focus on the outside influences and think these influences control everything. They do not. We are in control.

I know there are a lot of people who will say we don't actually have control over anything. Respectfully, I disagree. Thinking like this is an easy way out. It gives us the ability to blame others for our unhappiness and it allows us to throw up our hands and quit while thinking we can't do anything to change it. Bullshit. You have to grab hold of the things you want. You have to take charge of your life and make it the life you want it to be. It's not going to be easy and you aren't always going to succeed on your first try, but don't let anything stop you from making your life amazing for you.

We all run into challenges. There will be times when we want to throw up our hands and say fuck it. There are going to be hard times. Everyone has them; how we react to them is what makes the difference. When you get knocked down, get up and go again. We can't give up on ourselves. We have the ability to make our life the life we want. We can't be afraid to be different and we can't be afraid to chase our dreams and our goals. This isn't being selfish; this is making life into what will make us happy. You can settle for a life of mediocrity, but what's the point? We have to dream big. We have to make our life as grand as we want it to be. No excuses. No bullshit.

Stop blaming everyone else and take responsibility for your life. Take control, make this life what you want and never, ever stop believing that you can do anything you put your mind to. This is your one shot at living the life you want to live. Make it count.

You Get Out Of Life...

What you get out of life is equal to what you put into life. Every day, many of us wish we were getting more out of life. We want more happiness or more money or more experiences or more free time or more freedom, but we don't do anything differently than we have before. We hope something will change, yet we don't do anything to cause change.

If you want more, you have to do more. If you want something different, you have to do something different. Happiness, success, money, experience, free time and freedom are not going to fall out of the sky and land in our laps. We can't sit around hoping that things will change or get better.

If you sleepwalk through life and spend most of your time in front of the stupid box, then you are going to continue to sleepwalk through life. You are going to continue to complain about the things you don't have that you want. Yes, we hear stories about people who win the lottery or receive amazing windfalls without seemingly doing anything to deserve it, but these are the exceptions, not the rule. The chances of you getting everything you want without doing anything are minuscule. Doing nothing to change your life is only going to cause nothing to change.

We have to be bold. We have to go after everything we want. When we dream big, we have to live big. We have to fight tooth and nail to go after the things we want if we are ever going to have the chance to get them. If you want to be a writer, then you have to write, a lot, and put your writing out there so people can read it. If you want to be famous, you have to work your ass off to get in front of a camera or an audience and do something great. If you want to have more money, then you need to figure out how to work smarter to get it.

If you want something new, you may have to cut out something else. If you want more free time, then turn off the television and make more free time. If you want to focus on your art, then you may have to give up the job you are working and the money you are used to. If you want to be happier, then you have to find what makes you happy and do it more. If you want your life to be different, then you need to change the life you are living.

This isn't going to be easy for any of us. Every great reward comes from doing the hard work. The things that really matter to us take time and effort. You won't wake up one morning being an accomplished writer or knowing a foreign language or having lost weight or being able to run a marathon. Can you do all of these things? Yes, but you have to put in the work to make it happen. No one ever said life was going to be easy. We aren't given everything we want. The overnight success worked for years to get there.

Today is the day you stop wishing everything would work out the way you want it and instead start making it work out. Do something new. Try something different. Boldly push forward and see what you can get out of life when you put in something different. Instead of just dreaming, go after your dreams. Be bold. Be daring. Be different. Do something that really matters to you and start fighting for what you want. It's the only way you are ever going to get it.

Routines

I like change...when I am controlling the change. I like to shake things up and try new things. This is probably why I was a bit of a nomad when I was younger. New places and new ideas always excite me. I get bored when I have to do the same things over and over and over again, which is why looking at my resume, I have been a bit of a job hopper. I have bounced around trying to find something that sets my soul on fire and I will keep hopping around until I do. Change is interesting. Change keeps things fresh and new and forces you to learn something new.

Even while liking change, I have found I also like routines. These aren't mutually exclusive ideas. We have the ability to make changes in our lives where we want. We also have change forced upon us from outside forces and we can either roll with it or fight against it. For me, I try to embrace this change while keeping a routine for the things I don't want to change. When I fall out of this routine, I have found life to be a little more difficult. I find myself being short with people (including the lovely Leila), becoming frustrated way too easily, having a harder time being positive and just having less fun with life.

These routines are not ways to plan out each and every day, but are the things I do that allow me to remain focused and be me. We all have things we should do for ourselves, exercise, yoga, meditation, write, etc. These are all things that allow us to release energy, both positive and negative, and allow us to be more focused in our daily lives. By building these as part of a routine during the day, we are much more likely to actually do them. This is why I get up earlier than I need to write each day. We often say we don't have enough time to do the things we need to do or want to do, but if we look closely at what we spend time doing, we can find ways to do anything. We just have to build in routines.

From time to time, we are not going to be able to follow our routine. Something is going to happen that isn't going to allow it. This is okay. But, if we start to get lazy and really not follow the routine we have developed, we can start to lose the good that comes from it. This is when I start being short with people and become easily frustrated. I lose focus and I am only able to really get it back when I reestablish my routine and have a release valve for the energy that builds up and causes me to lose my patience. We all need to be able to release this energy in a constructive way and building routines is the best way to do it.

35 at 35

In honor of my 35th birthday, I give you a list of 35 things I have learned during those 35 years:


1) The more you care what other people think, the less you live your life the way you should.
2) Happiness comes from within. You can read all you want about how to be more happy, but ultimately, the ball is in your court.
3) Cynics make great characters (Dr. House), but being one leads to a lot of sadness and loneliness.
4) "Is there a god?" is not an important question.
5) College is overrated.
6) Our education system is broken. There are a lot of people with really great ideas on how to fix it, but very few of these ideas are being put in to practice.
7) Every day, we should strive to learn something new.
8) We all need to read more.
9) Failing is not a bad thing. We will all fail many, many times in our life. Failure is the best teacher.
10) Learn from other people, but don't compare yourself to them. We are all different.
11) Learn to listen to your fear...the more something scares you, the more you should probably do it.
12) As much as they make things more difficult at times, animals have added a lot of good to my life.
13) Admit when you are wrong.
14) Love freely. Do not hold back for fear of getting hurt.
15) Watch less television.
16) Slow down and enjoy the moment right now. Don't spend your whole life looking ahead.
17) Travel---spend time outside of your comfort zone.
18) Do not go into credit card debt. I can tell you from experience, it is not worth it.
19) Live within your means.
20) There are always going to be people who like you and people who don't. Embrace the first and ignore the second.
21) If you can imagine it, you can do it. Do not limit yourself.
22) Do not let other people put limits on you.
23) Don't conform to the masses unless you truly believe what they believe.
24) Everyone deserves to be treated with respect.
25) Don't fill your life with stuff. Fill it with experiences.
26) You are going to do stupid things. Learn from them and move on. Don't let the past haunt you.
27) Speak up in the face of injustice.
28) Stand up for your beliefs.
29) Seek out and listen to differing opinions.
30) Everyone changes over time, including you.
31) We need to evolve with the times.
32) It's okay to not have all the answers. It is not okay to not have the answers and not care.
33) Time really does seem to go by more quickly the older you get.
34) Don't take things so personally. Most of the time people are not out to get you.
35) Cut yourself some slack. There is no reason to get frustrated with who you are. If you don't like something, change it.

Roll With the Punches

Life is all about rolling with the punches.

We can have the best plans laid out when something unthinkable happens and we have to change them. This happens nearly every day for most of us because there are always going to be things happening that we didn't expect or couldn't even imagine. Some of us become frustrated or angry when things aren't happening the way we plan. Others don't allow these unexpected occurrences to ruin their day and instead, they take them in stride.

The more important something is to us, the more likely we will get frustrated or angry if it doesn't work the way we planned. This is the time we really need to focus on rolling with the punches and figuring out how to do it in spite of the roadblock or changing it to follow the new path laid in front of us. Becoming angry or frustrated may be our first gut reaction, but neither of these brings anything good to the situation. Frustration doesn't help solve problems. Becoming angry won't change the way things are. We are not capable of thinking clearly when we are frustrated or angry. Let go and just keep on moving.

The most positive people around us are the ones who know how to take things in stride and keep on moving. They don't like what happens all the time, but they know they can't change things by being angry or frustrated. They know what they want and keep moving forward no matter what happens. What they want will change over time based on what happens and they don't stick with their old goals when new goals present themselves. Because they are not allowing frustration and anger to take over their lives and minds, they are more likely to see the doors opening when other close.

The next time you start to become angry or frustrated with something that happens, stop and ask yourself if those feelings are helping you in any way. When you realize they are not, slow down and figure out the new direction to go. This won't always be easy and you are never going to be perfect. You will become better at it and it will begin to become instinctual. A happier and more productive life is waiting...

Everyone Dies

Why do people who are told they have a terminal illness suddenly realize they haven't done the things they really want to do and change the way they live their life to do them? What are we planning for that doesn't allow us to live this life now?

Surprise, we are all going to die. You have now been warned. At some unknown point in the future, your life will end. Go out and live the life you really want. Don's save up all your happiness and fun for later. Have them now. Do something crazy. Do something you want to do. Quit putting it off for tomorrow because tomorrow may never come.

Today, have more fun, laugh a little more, do something interesting you have been putting off, tell the people who matter that they matter, take less personally, give someone a break, smile more, spend less time worrying about stupid shit and just live. We have a limited number of todays left...make sure you aren't wasting them.

Make Things Happen

People are constantly talking about what they need to do or what they should be doing, instead of actually doing it. Many of us expect the perfect opportunities to fall in our laps and we are constantly surprised when they don't.

Hoping something is going to fall in our lap and make us happy is the easy way out. In the same way people play the lottery with dreams of striking it rich, we dream the perfect job or person or opportunity is going to fall from the sky and magically enter our life. This happens about as often as someone you know wins the lottery. It always happens to a friend's roommate's cousin's neighbor, but not to anyone you actually know.

We have to make the opportunities we want. We have to ask the person out. We have to find and pursue the jobs we want. We have to put in the work to get the things that matter the most. We have to make our dreams come true.

We can all point to people who seem to be living their dreams. They are doing what they want to do with the people they want to be around. They seem to have it all. Nothing fell into their laps. They worked for what they have. They made goals and then busted their asses to reach them. They put in the work, the constant toil, the hours and hours of behind the scenes, no one is paying any attention to me, work.

These people know what they want and they chased it with every ounce of their being. They are still chasing. Growing tired of the waiting and the bitching and the moaning, they decided to make the change they wanted to see. We all have the ability to make our dreams come true; we just have to get up off our ass and do the work. Just as it is improbable for you to win the lottery, it is equally improbable your dreams are going to fall from the sky and enter you life. Get up and make your dreams a reality.

Know What You're Chasing

When we become frustrated or disillusioned, too many of us hope some change will drop from the sky and fall into our lap. We bitch and moan about how we aren't happy with what we are doing or wish we could do more. Most of us never move past the bitching and moaning stage and spend our lives trying to deal with the disappointment.

Change is never going to fall from the sky and land in our laps. Things will never magically get better if we don't do something about it. If you want a change, make a change. This doesn't always mean quit; this may mean make the changes you want to see. Sometimes, we do have to quit and search for something better, something that matters to us.

Many times, though, we have to take what we are doing and make it better. We have to make the changes we want to see. We have to turn what we are doing into something magical for us. This isn't easy, but people do this each and every day. These people are no better than you and me, they just know bitching and moaning does nothing to make things better. Figure out what needs to change and change it. Look within and find the happiness and do it. Most of us are doing what we, at one time, enjoyed doing. Before running away, look to see what you can change to bring back the old feelings.

If you find it, great! If not, then start searching for something else to make you happy. Look inside first. Quit second. We can't spend our lives chasing something if we don't know what that something is.

What if?

When you lay down to go to sleep each night and close your eyes, what do you think about? Do you think about everything you did that day? Do you think about what the next day brings? Do you think about your dreams and what you want to do? Do you think about all the things you haven't done? Do you think about all the things you have done and wish you didn't?

At different times, I have thought about all of the above. I have experienced feelings of happiness, love, accomplishment, guilt, shame and peace as I have laid in bed with eyes closed. I am sure most people have felt the same. Which of these would you prefer to have floating through your head and body as you try to fall asleep?

What would happen if you named your dreams and worked to make them happen? Would you be able to fall asleep knowing you are doing everything you can to chase what it is to make you feel alive? With this knowledge, would you be able to fall asleep happy and at peace?

By following our dreams and doing what calls to us, we won't eliminate all the negative feelings that float around when we are at the most relaxed. These feelings, these moments of doubt, happen to everyone. But, when we are chasing our dreams, we have an easier time ignoring them and pushing them away. It is easier to replace doubt with happiness and peace when we know we are on the right path.

Tonight, as you lay in bed, think about what it is you really want to do. Listen to your heart and see where it wants to take you. What would happen if you started to listen?

Find Happiness In What You Have Part II

I think yesterday's blog post Find Happiness In What You Have is important enough to discuss a little further.

Happiness brings a lot of good into your life. When you are happy, you take better care of yourself. When you take better care of yourself, you are healthier. When you are healthier, you feel better. When you feel better, it is easier to be happy. It’s a circle that helps to keep producing what you want. The same is true in the inverse. Being unhappy can send you down a spiral of not taking care of yourself, being unhealthy and feeling like shit. When you feel like shit, it is harder to pull yourself up to be happy. 

Every day is not going to be sunshine and rainbows. But, we can choose to start every day as if it is going to be a great day. At first, we have to constantly remind ourselves that the day is going to be great. The more you do this, the easier it will get. This reminder needs to come in whatever form works best for you, framed quotes, a mantra, a picture, a poem. What works for me may not work for you.

We need to build happiness into our morning routine. Find something to do every morning before leaving for work. If you love to read, give yourself an extra 15-30 minutes to read. Try to eat something you love every morning. Make sure you give yourself enough time to not have to rush around frantically. These all sound like simple things, but the more you focus on them, the more you will be surprised at just how easily the little things can change improve your mood.

If you commute to work, find some music you love or an audio book or a podcast or if you like silence, find silence. I was listening to a lot of NPR on my drive to work, but I realized I wasn’t arriving in the mood I wanted. Thinking about it, the NPR program was usually very serious. As much as I enjoyed it, it wasn’t putting me in the mood I needed to do the best work. So, I switched back to listening to music (though I do come back to NPR every now and again). 

We all have the little things that make us smile from time to time, the key is to notice them more often. They will float around in our world, but we are often so busy we don’t see them or we are in a mood that doesn’t allow us to see them. We have to train our mind to notice them more. The happiness we yearn for is closer than we think. 

Right now, think about the things that make you happy. Figure out what little things will make you smile, will make you slow down just enough to bring a little joy in to your world. Search them out, embrace them. Do whatever it is you need to do to bring them in to your life. Then, let these little things show themselves more and more. When we ignore them, it becomes easier to ignore them each day. When we notice them, it becomes easier to notice them. If this was my last day on earth, would I want to spend the day constantly worrying about what the future is going to bring or would I rather live a little more in the moment, smile a little more, laugh a little more and still work on what the future brings?

Find Happiness In What You Have

The truly successful have found happiness in what they have. This doesn't mean we can't continue to strive for doing more, doing different, being better or changing the world, though they will all be easier to do when we attack them from a happy mindset.

We spend so much time rushing around and trying to make things better that we often forget to enjoy what we have. We need to have goals and dreams, but the chase for them should not include ignoring today. By being present in the moment and finding joy in what we do, we are giving ourselves the fuel to continue to push forward. When we start to believe that happiness will be around the next corner or it will appear when we reach our next goal, we are setting ourselves up to constantly chase something we will never catch. Find the happiness in what you have and then start making change because it is what you want to do, not because you think it will make you happy.