Fear

Fear holds you back from doing everything you want to do
Fear keeps you from trying new things
Fear stops you from doing your best
Fear conditions you into thinking you can't chase your dreams
Fear destroys creativity
Fear keeps you from shipping
Fear breeds perfectionism
Fear leads to inaction
Fear causes you to conform
Fear encourages you to follow the flock
Fear hates change
Fear is what keeps you watching TV every night
Fear is what keeps you in that job you hate
Fear is what keeps you in a toxic relationship
Fear is what makes you follow the "rules" of life
Fear closes your heart to new things

Fuck Fear.
Stop being afraid of life and actually start living life

What If?

Life is full of "what if" questions. What if I try this and can't do it? What if I don't like it? What if I just can't do it? What if no one cares? What if it doesn't work? What if people hate it/me/you? What if they laugh? What if it is the wrong decision? What if...what if...what if.

Everything we do can be preceded with a what if question. Stop. Stop asking them right now. The best answer to each and every one of these questions is "Who cares". Seriously, who cares if people laugh or hate something or if you get it wrong this time. Who cares if you make a mistake or choose a hard path or do something weird.

Each time you find yourself asking what if, instead ask yourself:

Is this something I really want to do?       

                                                                                          
If the answer is yes, do it. If the answer is no, then don't. Stop worrying about the possible outcomes and just keep moving forward. What if doesn't matter. What matters is not letting the fear of what happens next stop you from doing what you want.

Limits

The only limits are the ones you put on yourself. Said another way...you can do anything you want to do. It's not going to be easy. It will take work, often a lot of work, but if you put in the time and energy, you can accomplish anything.

Stop listening to the naysayers. Pay no heed to the soul suckers. Forget about the doubters. Ignore everyone around you who doesn't support you. Believe in yourself, especially when others don't. Rise above the day to day bullshit and follow the path you want to follow.

No matter what you do, there are always going to be people who think you are crazy; people who will tell you no; people who will doubt you; people who just don't understand you. If they are going to be there no matter what, shouldn't you focus on what you want to do? Find people who will support you and surround yourself with them, then hit the ground running. What do you really want to do? What's really stopping you?

Your Life Is Your Life

As you go through your day, what is holding you back from doing exactly what you want to do? If you look around you, how many of the people who work with you are doing what they want to do? How many have settled? How many are just looking for a paycheck? How many are feeding their ego? How many are truly excited to get up in the morning and attack the day? What causes us to work jobs we really don't like to buy shit we really don't need or want?

You are probably sitting there thinking that you aren't one of these people...you love your job and are doing good work to advance a great cause. Are you really? If you were completely honest with yourself, would you be doing exactly what you are doing now? If the answer is yes, then great! You are one step further along than most of us.

Hell, most of us don't even really know what we want to do. So, we settle and work a job we like, but don't love. We do work we convince ourselves is important or make money to help fund the things we think are important. What if we can do both? What if we can make enough money to fund the life we want while doing work we think is important? Is it even possible?

For some, yes, I think it is. It's not for everyone, but not everyone has the need to do this. Not everyone feels frustrated when they are only content. Not everyone continues to search for something more and better. Not everyone has the same urge to continue to push forward. Some people are happy doing whatever will pay the bills so they can have the house in the suburbs, the 2.3 kids and the family dog. There is nothing wrong with this and deep down, I envy these people. I'm just not one of them and since you are still reading, I would guess you aren't either.

What can we do? Keep wandering. Keep searching for the answers to your questions. Keep looking for what you need. Stop following other people's dreams and desires. Be different. Be who you need to be. Stop listening to the fear in your mind. Start following your heart more. Don't settle. Try new things. Don't let others try to mold you into something you are not. Forgive the people who don't understand. Be a nomad, if only in your heart. Know the constructs of society don't have to be followed. Your life is your life, live it as such. Be bold...be brave...be free.

Some Things Are More Important

Some things are more important than being right. Some things are more important than being wrong. Some things are more important than what other people think of you. Some things are more important than getting credit. Some things are more important than your ego. Some things are more important than the money you make. Some things are more important than your possessions. Some things are just more important than everything else.

What's more important to you? If you have trouble coming up with answers, then you need to spend some time figuring out what really matters to you.

Stop Listening

Sometimes, you have to stop listening to what other people think. If you know what is right for you, then it really doesn't matter what they think anyway. They aren't you. Stop using them as an excuse. Stop allowing them to let fear in. Stop letting the doubt creep in because of them. Stop blaming them. Stop holding back.

Be confident in your choices and your abilities. Trust in yourself. Don't let anyone hold you back from doing anything you know you should do. Go after what you want and need, no matter how scary it seems. You deserve more (and better) than anyone else thinks. Take control of your life and get to work doing what you want to do.

The Itch

I'm in a bit of a holding pattern at work and I am starting to get the itch. I get the itch every now and again, but I haven't really listened to it since I was in my twenties. Then, when I did listen to it, I moved from my hometown to Syracuse. This led to additional moves and before I ended up back here five years later, I lived in five different states and had a lot of great experiences while I was gone. While everything wasn't always unicorns and rainbows during this period, I did have a lot of great times.

So, every now and then, I get the itch. Times are a little different now, though. I own a house. I have a good job (coming up, especially). My family is in this town and my wife's family is within a short drive. But, I still wonder what life would be like if I moved to the mountains or out West (I've spent enough time on the East Coast) or to another country (though this would be much more difficult with the dogs and cat).

Would I be able to get a job? Could I sell the house? Is the job here good enough to be worth staying? Would I be running away from things here or just looking for something new? Would I find something better than I have now or just something different? Would it be worth the effort? What else is out there?

I don't know the answer to these questions and I am pretty sure I will ignore the itch this time around. Will the itch come back? I don't know and if it does, I have no idea how I will react that time, either. In my life, I have felt the itch a lot, but I haven't listened to it nearly as many times as I have. Maybe I should listen to it more often...

What kind of "itch" do you get? What do you do?

Enjoy The Ride

You don't have to listen to the advice people give you. Hell, most of the time you probably shouldn't. When someone starts telling you the best way to chase you dreams or why you should do this over that or how to live a life of happiness, be wary. This may seem a bit ironic coming from someone who has built a blog on giving advice, but it's the truth. The life you are living is your life...do with it what you will.

You see, what works for me may not work for you. There's a good possibility what works for you won't work for me. You can listen to the what people say, but you don't have to embrace it. You can learn from the people around you, but you still have to figure out what works for you. No one has everything figured out, no matter what they tell you.

We all struggle through life, never knowing if we are making the right decision. They key to it all (and yes, I realize this is advice) is to never stop trying. Succeed or fail, as long as you are doing something, you are on the right track. No matter what happens, just never stop trying. Struggle, fight, fail, succeed, move forward, stumble back, fall down, get up...just do.

No matter what, enjoy the ride. If you don't enjoy (at least at some level) the life you lead, what's the point?

If You Really Want To Do Something...

How did the first week of 2013 treat you? We're a week in and I haven't started to focus on any of my goals. This is the first blog post I have started to write. I haven't run. I haven't read much. I haven't made the time to do the things I need to do to succeed this year. Many people (and the person I was for many years) would throw up their hands, become frustrated and give up because they couldn't get started doing what they needed to do. They would quit without even really trying. We can't give up that easily.

I could also make excusing about why I didn't do what I needed to do. Work has been crazy and I have been putting in ten to twelve hour days. Even on my days off, I get phone calls from work (the last time I didn't get a call or text from work was while I was out of the country). By the time I get home, I am usually fairly tired and want nothing more than to relax with my wife. Friends were in town for some of this week and we had guests staying at our house. There were other things I had to get done around the house.

All of that is true, but none of it really matters. There are tons of people who work more hours and still find time to start a business, write a novel, go to school, learn a language, write a successful blog, invent something or do any number of things that many of us don't. Many people have responsibilities, commitments and schedules that keep them amazingly busy, but they find ways to chase their own dreams and goals. There are people who are able to do way more with way less.

Don't accept the reasons you try to give yourself for why you aren't doing what you want to be doing. They are excuses and nothing more. If you want to accomplish a goal, you can find ways to do it. No one else is going to hold you accountable...you have to hold yourself accountable. Maybe you get up an hour earlier. Maybe you go to sleep an hour later. Maybe you just schedule time into your hectic calendar and stick to your appointments to run or read or write or learn. Do it on breaks at your other job. We can find a way to do the things we really want to do.

Are the goals you set important to you? Think honestly about them...at one point they were important enough to set as goals. If you are able to work on them, would you still want them as a goal? If so, then figure out how to succeed. Decide what needs to be done and then work on doing it. If you need more time to train or learn or practice, then make more time. You have control over your life, if you choose to take control. No more excuses. We can either make the time and put in the effort or we can give up. I know I don't want to give up. Do you?

Happy Holidays!

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season!

You may have noticed the blog has been a little quiet lately, but I have been working a lot and decided to end the year with a little break from the computer to spend more time with my family. I will have one more post this year...looking back on 2012 and looking forward to 2013, then we'll be back to normal in January.

"This is my wish for you: peace of mind, prosperity through the year, happiness that multiplies, health for you and yours, fun around every corner, energy to chase your dreams, joy to fill your holidays!"
                         -D.M. Dellinger

Hard Work

In a world where people constantly talk about work-life balance, earning passive income and four-hour work weeks, we sometimes lose sight of the fact there are times when you have to put in the time and the work to get the job done.

Don't be fooled into thinking you will never have to put in extra hours or miss some days off in doing what you love. Working your ass off does not mean you are unhappy...it means that you are working your ass off. Happiness with your work does not always have a correlation with the number of hours you put in. Sometimes you have to burn that midnight oil, but this is no reason to think you aren't doing what you are supposed to be doing.

Do what needs to get done. Do it well, no matter how long it takes. But, if you are going to work long, hard hours, make sure you are doing something you love. It makes doing the work a whole lot easier and more fun.

Change Happens

Change happens.  It's all around us...things are constantly changing every day. From small, imperceptible changes to monumental changes you can't help but notice, everything around us is in a constant state of change. Yet, we are terrified of change.

Wouldn't it be better to embrace, invite and chase change instead of fighting like hell against it?

What would happen if we just acknowledged that some change is going to be difficult, but we are just going to roll with it the best we can?

How would we feel differently if we were actively facilitating many of the changes happening in our life? Would they be less scary if we were part of the cause?

Change happens and is going to continue to happen every day. How are you going to react?

Negative People

This can be really hard. We all have friends, family or coworkers who are negative and always seem to pull us down when we least expect it. We have to get better at ignoring them. We are only capable of doing what we believe we can do and negativity causes us to aim low. The more negative people you find around you, the lower you will aim.

This life is going to be difficult enough without them. We are going to have challenges and difficulties and problems, but we don't want to add to these because of the people in our life. If you look around and realize you may be one of the negative people, work on changing your outlook. Coach, don't criticize. Motivate, don't complain. Come up with new ideas, don't point out how everything won't work. Figure out what can still be done, don't point out what you already did.

 If people are unable or unwilling to be more positive, then you need to cut them out of your life. This can be really difficult as it may mean spending less time with family, quitting a job or moving on from someone you care about. The negative people only serve to hold you back. Once you find more positive people, you will see how their attitudes and behaviors help to lift you up.

There will be times in this life where we have to make some difficult choices...what's important to you?

Self Confidence

Confidence is defined as a feeling or consciousness of one's powers or of reliance on one's circumstances. Self confidence is defined in a very similar manner as confidence in oneself and in one's powers and abilities. Do you have a feeling or consciousness of your own powers and abilities?

Most of us will say yes, but many of us are lying, at least to a point. Are you where you want to be in life? Do you do the work you really think you should be doing? There are people who can answer both of these questions in the affirmative, but many of us cannot. For those of us who cannot, I know self confidence plays a role in us not being where we want to be or in not doing what we want to do.

How many times have you found a job you thought you would love, but failed to apply because you weren't qualified? How many times have you asked your boss for a raise and made the case for why you deserved one? How many times have you picked up extra tasks at work, not because anyone asked you or because you would be noticed, but because you could learn something new or knew you could do a great job? How many times have you continued to go after a goal when others said it was unreachable? How many times have you done something you thought was impossible? How many times have you given up?

If you are lucky, you will have people around you who have confidence in you, even when your confidence wanes. But, we can't count on this. We need to have the utmost confidence in our powers and abilities. I truly believe we are capable of doing anything. There are always going to be struggles and missteps, but these shouldn't affect our self confidence. Take the struggles and missteps as they come, learn from them and continue to move forward. We have to keep pushing towards our goals and not let the doubts creep in. It will take a lot of hard work, but we'll get there.

You just have to believe in yourself.

Easier said than done, right?

Not if you work on supplanting the doubts with encouragement and belief. When the doubts start to creep in, work on quieting them with encouragement to yourself. Train your mind to know you can do anything and once you start to believe, the doubting thoughts will occur less and less. Be bold. Be confident. Believe you can do anything. Have confidence in yourself and in your powers and abilities.

Scary

Things we fear:

• moving forward
• change
• stepping out of our comfort zone 
• speaking up 
• being true to ourselves
• standing out 
• not giving up 
• creating art 
• doing the work 
• taking chances 
• constantly trying to improve 
• admitting mistakes
• chasing dreams
• listening to instinct
• sharing with the world
• criticism
• praise   
• blazing your own path
• new ideas
• difficult conversations
• failure
• success

Things we must embrace:

• moving forward
• change
• stepping out of our comfort zone 
• speaking up 
• being true to ourselves
• standing out 
• not giving up 
• creating art 
• doing the work 
• taking chances 
• constantly trying to improve 
• admitting mistakes
• chasing dreams
• listening to instinct
• sharing with the world
• criticism
• praise   
• blazing your own path
• new ideas
• difficult conversations
• failure
• success

What Questions Will You Ask Yourself

I have written a lot about the importance of finding happiness. People much smarter than me have written hundreds of thousands of words about how to find what makes you happy. There are entire sections in bookstores (what few still exist) on living a happy life. Every day, people look at you and decide if they think you are a happy person. For many of us, we wonder why we aren't happier and read everything we can to figure out how to get to the level of happiness for which we yearn.

Every time I start thinking about why I am not happier, I ask myself some basic questions. What do you do that makes you happy? How much time have you spent doing this lately? How much have you exercised lately? What is keeping you from being as happy as you want? What difficulties are you facing at work or at home that are causing stress? What can you do about them? What do you want to change?

While this may seem like a lot of questions, I think we have to find a way to ask ourselves these questions more. Instead of waiting until our mind starts wondering why we aren't happier, we need to make sure we are making the time to do the things we really enjoy doing. We need to exercise (as I am living proof that all the studies are correct...the more your exercise, the better you feel). We must look at the things that are keeping us from being happy and figure out how to change them or eliminate them. Being honest about the difficulties we are facing is the first step in solving them. It probably won't be easy, but is necessary. Figuring out what to change is also going to be difficult, but if you aren't happy now, then you have to make changes to become happy.

There are some things you can do and control internally to help, too. Stop taking constructive criticism personally. Hell, stop taking any criticism personally. For me at work, I have a hard time doing this. I want to do an amazing job and any time any of my staff aren't doing things they way they should, I take it is a knock on my leadership. I can't do this and be happy about my work. Instead of looking at criticisms as negative, view them instead as a challenge to do better. Don't think of them as being caused by you not being good enough, instead think of them as stepping stones towards greater things.

Stop talking about other people and instead talk to the people. Difficult conversations are just that, difficult to have. But, they are the best way to get everyone on the same page and help to eliminate any future problems or misunderstandings. We owe our friends, loved ones, family and colleagues the respect of discussing any issues with them instead of everyone around them. No difficulties go away though gossip.

Quit focusing on everything at the same time. Nothing leads to unhappiness more quickly than being overwhelmed, stressed out and not reaching deadlines and goals. We all have a lot of things we need to work on and a lot of things screaming for our attention. Focus on fewer tasks at once and get them done to the best of your ability. Then, move on to the next ones. You have to be able to prioritize.

Cut yourself some slack. We are going to make mistakes. We aren't going to reach every goal every time. There is going to be criticism and feedback. Here's a secret...none of us is perfect. We are going to be harder on ourselves than anyone else is. Give yourself some credit and just do the best you can do each and every day.

Will doing all of these things make you as happy as you want to be? Maybe, maybe not, but it will help to lead you in the right direction. What questions are you going to ask yourself today? What harm is there in trying?

What if Money Was No Object

I know I have been writing a lot about grabbing hold of your dreams and doing what you want, but I had to share this video. This is exactly what I have been thinking a lot about recently, though put more eloquently. If money was no object, what would I want to do? What do I desire? What makes me happy? 

I don't know exactly what I would do, but I do know it would involve helping animals and people, traveling, writing and feeling as if I am making a difference in the world. Now I just need to find what it is that will allow me to do all of the above. What is it that you want to do? What do you need to find to stop doing things you don't want to do to buy thing you don't really want? 

When are we going to step up and say enough is enough? When are we going to stop chasing someone else's dream and start chasing our own? When you watch this video, how do you feel? 

I know, there are a lot of questions in this post, but these are important questions. These are the questions we fail to answer. These are the questions we ignore. These are the questions, when answered honestly, will force us to make changes in how we live. We are afraid of these questions because we are afraid of what the answers will do. I say it is time to stop being afraid and start answering them. Yes, things may get more difficult once you start, but no one ever said this was going to be easy.

What would you do if money was no object?  

Lesson #1

The first and most important lesson you have to learn is how to love yourself. Without it, nothing else will fall into place and nothing else really matters. Loving yourself doesn't mean you can't improve, or become better, or learn something new or do something different. It means you accept these things and who you are. As egotistical as it may sound, you are the most important person in your life. Don't hold yourself back.

Your happiness matters. Your dreams matter. Your ideas matter. Your beliefs matter. Who you are matters. Love the great things and the blemishes. Love the person you are today. Love the person you will be tomorrow. This is the most important of life's lessons and we have to learn to love ourselves before we can really love anything else. We are all amazing people...it's time we started to believe it.

Occupy the Moment

We need to be more mindful of the moments we are in. All too often, we spend our time thinking about the past or worrying about the future. Neither of these do any real good, but doing them causes us to lose track of the moment.

Our life is a series of moments strung together. Many people go through life without ever really experiencing any of these moments and because of this, spend most of their life unfulfilled and dissatisfied. It is impossible to be satisfied with what you are doing now if you are spending your time wishing you did something different yesterday or worrying that you won't be able to do what you want tomorrow. We can go through our entire lives thinking about yesterday and tomorrow, but never really living today. We shouldn't.

In the end, we will look back at the moments of our life that mean the most to us. I know I want to have as many moments as possible to spend my time remembering. I know I won't think about the times spent worrying, but I will focus on the times I enjoyed by being one with the moment. Instead of occasionally having these times, we need to make sure we are having them on a daily basis.

Get up and watch the sunrise. Enjoy the sunset. Laugh more. Have a leisurely lunch with friends. Go on a walk. Spend time with loved ones. Have coffee and conversation. Cook an amazing dinner. Go out to eat. Plan a trip. Do whatever it is that you love to do and just enjoy doing it. Stop thinking about everything else going on in your life and spend time just being in the moment, letting the feelings overwhelm your senses.

Stop placing value on your life based on the number of hours you work or the amount of money you make or all the shit you own. There is way more to life than traffic and money and cell phones and meetings and job titles and salaries. There are moments in time that will live with you forever. There are people you will never forget. There are meals you will want to eat again and again. There are amazingly beautiful sunsets. There are personal goals to accomplish. There are unbelievable concerts. There are long walks with friends discussing life.

These moments are the really important things in life. Don't spend your life missing them...

Change Your Thoughts

Simple enough, eh? This advice is anything but simple to institute in your life. It is something you have to constantly work at, but will make all the difference. Your thoughts control your world. The way you view yourself, other people, the things happening around you, really everything, controls the world in which you live.

Everything you will ever do starts with thoughts. If you want to live a positive, happy life, then you have to start with positive, happy thoughts. The more you dwell on the negatives, the more unhappy you will be. It looks simple from the outside, but you have to constantly remind yourself to not dwell on the negative things that happen (or at least what you currently view as the negative things). You will never change the world for the better until you change your thoughts for the better. 

Choose to be happy. Choose to believe in yourself. Choose to laugh more. Choose to see the best in the people around you. Choose to view the "negative" occurrences as nothing more than challenges. Choose to chase your dreams. Choose to cultivate a passion in what you do. Choose to push forward. Choose to learn something new every day. Choose to be open to change. Choose to embrace the world around you. Choose to find the positive in everything.Choose to make your world one in which you are excited each morning and exhausted each night. 

You have power to change your world. What choices will you make?